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for The Guardian

11/11 c18 Guest
What happens next? When will Umbridge get her due? Has to be soon...
11/6 c18 Tony Moonstone
Well I must thank you so far for showing me an new slash that I've never read before.
Some scenes were hot to read, while others were downright hysterical.
It's been 6months, I hope that you will return and give us either a few chapters before Christmas or the completion.
Now thanks to you I might have to look up more Harry/Fleur slash stories.
Thanks so much for writing it.
Take care and be safe!
11/5 c9 Tony Moonstone
You are the first author I've read that the teachers know what happend with Umbridge and Harry 24hrs later, also the first where Umbridge is confronted and no evidence can be found.
Onward I read.
Take care and be safe!
11/5 c7 Tony Moonstone
I've never read any slash between Harry/Fleur before.
So far, it's Fleur being kinda kinky towards Harry.
Harry had blushed so much in these few short chapters.
Starting the next chapter now.
Onward I read.
Take care and be safe!
10/16 c1 14ProfessorQuill101
Something that could really improve your writing is to simply read. Don't take in the story, but look at how sentences and paragraphs are structured. One of the biggest things you could improve on is your dialogue. Like a lot of new writers, yours reads very stiff. you use words like cannot, instead of can't. I also notice that you the phrase 'as I' often. Try reading dialogue out loud to see if it works or not. You can usually tell pretty fast when it comes out unnaturally. One big thing is that all dialogue from a speaker needs to be its own paragraph. Two people should never talk in the same paragraph, it makes it messy and hard to read. Again, look at a book for the proper structure and punctuation, don't count on fanfics to get it right.

I'm not a fan of the snake familiar, but to each their own. The only other big problem I had was the lack of reasoning. You said Fudge would be backed into a corner if Harry used Veritaserum, but you didn't explain how, or what was likely to happen if he did. Likewise, you didn't really explain why Fleur needs to share a room with Harry. It really doesn't makes sense why she would, There's other places she could sleep, plus it's not like he needs a bodyguard in Grimmauld Place and it pulls you out of the story when you read it.

I'm not sure how much that helps considering this was posted 4 years ago, but I thought I 'd throw it out there.
10/6 c18 nicogo707070
Awesome! Keep it up!
9/27 c2 jbt5af
it's been so long since the last update when is the next chapter going to be updated
8/15 c18 james.mattson.7
Amazing job so far, I can't wait for the next chapters
8/9 c15 jbt5af
when are you going to update again it's been too long and I can't wait to read what happens next
8/3 c18 Guest
Loved it but need more
5/4 c17 jbt5af
when are you going to update
4/17 c18 highlander348
I really like the lemon scene! That was kinky. Could Fleur and Harry try anal sex next? Hope you like that suggestion! :D
4/15 c18 Drago
I can't wait for more! XD
4/16 c18 jbt5af
I can't wait to find out what happens next also when are you going to update again and how many chapters are you going to write in this story. are you also going to completely end this story with the end of Harry's fifth year as Dumbledore already found the horcruxes and then perhaps write an epilogue can't wait for the next chapter to see what happens next please update soon
4/13 c9 Guest
So you needed a reason. The reason I’m out is how you have Harry on a hair trigger with a vela that sleeps with him and he holds back against someone torturing him. Someone he already hates. Perhaps Harry has super human tolerance… but that’s not how he’s show In your story. To be comfortable in a story I need relatable characters… not ones who act out of character to drive the plot forward.
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