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2/11 c25 Seanthiar
Stating a story is complete when it is just part of a multi part story that is not completed is like saying a credit is paid after the first payment when you still have monthly payments to do...

This story is not complete - it's open ennd
1/11 c15 Guest
I always find it weird when Harry can't swim in stories, takes me a minute to remember that wasn't taught till the 90's, god I'm getting old lol
12/18/2023 c12 Mauro697
This was very promising but at this point I have to drop it, I skimmed the next chapters but it doesn't get better. I ignored the overused tropes of Harry being extremely powerful politically/magically, Harry being lord of a thousand families and Goblins handling inheritance (despite having lawyers and such) because they were at least being handled differently; but the mischaracterizaction is too glaring here. Harry is as almost as trusting as Dumbledore with those he didn't trust before, which is somewhat explained away depending on the case, but he is not trusting enough towards his closest friends to be able to talk to them without a contract; even worse, they are portrayed as being in the wrong themselves for not understanding despite being told nothing. Harry basically ignores Ron, Ginny and the Weasley family and never realises it. Hermione is two-dimensional and mostly pushed to the side, Ron is the classical mockery of his character that inherits every flaw magnified but none of the good traits of the original and Ginny has apparently forgotten everything about Harry. I get that the breakup was needed for the pairing (and I am a fan of Haphne) but that dynamic felt cheap. On top of that this Harry is completely incoherent: he declares he doesn't care about being put on the spot but his actions shows the opposite multiple times, same goes for traditions (the Lady Potter absolutely needs to be able to handle holding a ball? With all the hiring Harry does here that's the thing he can't hire someone for? And Lily is supposed to have done the same despite both her and James' characters and while Voldemort was around and them in the order?); he is also astoundingly dense relationship-wise but suddenly learns to be a thoughtful boyfriend without no development.

The overall reconstruction theme is not often used and has a lot of potential but it becomes sluggish after a while, I often found myself skipping details. The part about them being able to both do the NEWTs with a couple weeks of study despite having missed a year and being fully able to handle that kind of jobs while not quite out of school is quite unrealistic as well. I'm sorry if this came across as too harsh but the first part of thos fic had set my hopes really high.
11/28/2023 c25 1mayawene
Thank you
11/12/2023 c1 gremlin914
Great foundation chapter, makes the tone and promise of the story really well and with draw to read more
10/23/2023 c25 the grey mage
Ah, now all the loose threads make sense. Didn’t know there’s a sequel. The random sexual oral made no sense. Made me think it was nott.

Over all an enjoyable read.

I didn’t really care for all the original characters and how much the programs harry was setting up took a lot of the momentum out of reading a chapter. The orphanage was the best thread plot of them.

It felt like a lot of scenes between canon characters are missing.

A major one would have been the reveal of Harry and daph being together. Only molly got one scene and it was rolled over by hermione.

The malfoys were dropped off a cliff. But I loved your Draco.

The writing between daph and tori was great. I think daph is your best character in this. Good job not bashing anyone out of spite.

I still think hermione is your weakest.

Luna felt like a wasted opportunity and dark horse. Like you want to keep some cannon and just throw other parts out. best
10/23/2023 c24 the grey mage
Oh. I forgot nott was going to do something.

Seems kinda late in the story to have some friction.
10/23/2023 c21 the grey mage
That was a surprisingly weird strong chapter and interaction.

I felt like harry was introducing daph to an ex girlfriend.

It was great seeing that their friendship could transcend the betrayal.

But the way luna focused on daph from ginny and then barely interacting with her was weird. And very in character.
10/23/2023 c18 the grey mage
This chapter really hit home how underused hermione is in this story.

I think you posted multiple times that they’re not romantic like, but i honestly think there should’ve had more moments like this in the early chapters. Maybe you thought she’s too powerful deus ex?

You handled the hermy/ron breakup super organically, it was a pleasure to read.
10/23/2023 c14 the grey mage
man the slow burn is killing me. she could have stayed.
10/23/2023 c12 the grey mage
didn't expect the ron confrontation with harry. but good on showing what his wants are.
10/22/2023 c8 the grey mage
lol, this chapter made it super apparent that harry has been in an emotional affair with daph.
10/22/2023 c6 the grey mage
man, i thought he'd break up with her right there. or maybe i want them to be apart.
10/22/2023 c5 the grey mage
i absolutely love how you're treating draco.
10/22/2023 c1 the grey mage
nice start and i'm glad it didn't drag along.
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