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1/11/2019 c1 5Captain Bones
It's a nice story. Ducky is my favorite character. Yep, Yep, Yep. However there only one error. Ducky is a Saurolopus not a Hadrosaurs.
9/22/2018 c1 30CupOfAngst
I definitely agree that a lot of the stories in the LBT archive are of high quality, yours being no exception. In fact, it's kind of made me somewhat hesitant to post something of my own, as I just feel like it wouldn't be good enough. Silly, I know.

But this was a nice story and an interesting look at their life in the Valley from Ducky's perspective. It really drives home the fact that no place on earth is truly safe. The valley has its advantages, but it's far from a perfect utopia.
8/14/2018 c1 19The Rhombus
First of all, let me say that I feel you on the pain of reformatting things before they can be posted to the forum. For my longer story (Mender's Tale) I merely post a hyperlink though responses to the prompt challenge are always also posted to the forum. Something that we might want to consider in the future (especially with longer stories) might be to allow authors to simply post the stories as pdf files directly to the forum by using the attach file command. Because the process as it currently stands can be a real pain.

Now on to the story itself, and what a story it was. We get to see a side of the hadrosaur that we do not typically see in the fandom: a skeptical, questioning side. As is common with people in general, when one puts on an appearance of joyfulness and optimism it can be easy to overlook the possible insecurities that lie underneath. That being said, it is very telling in the story that Spike reads her perfectly and makes some very good points (in his usual non-verbal way) that lead her emotional journey into the right direction. The fact that the silent member of the gang helps Ducky see the truth of some of the gang's own motivations is a very telling sign that, like Ducky, there is more to Spike than might initially meet the eye. All in all your presentation of both characters made this story a pleasure to read.

In terms of the actual mechanics of the writing itself, let me begin by saying that overall this story was excellent. So excellent in fact that it made it to my favorites list on . But it is not without a few flaws. Beginning with what works well, the dialogue between the characters is absolutely spot on. The unique mannerism of Ducky's speech is clearly present and Spike's non-verbal communication is presented in a very in-character manner. Likewise the level of vocabulary in the story meets the right balance in being high enough to effectively portray the emotions of the characters and present an effective presentation of the setting, all without going into verbage that would not fit in a LBT tale. I must applaud you on that as that can be a very real challenge when writing in this fandom.

As for room for improvement, my only real recommendations would be to watch out for a few odd vocabulary choices, such as this:

[quote]A grunt coming from her left, however, caused the tranquil peace of the moment to be shattered. [/quote]

Has a few redundant words and would be more effectively worded as "A grunt coming from her left, however, caused the tranquility of the moment to be shattered." as the words 'peaceful' and 'tranquility' refer to the same state of being.

[quote]So why not stay? It was certainly the easier choice in her perspective![/quote]

Should probably be: "So why not stay? It was certainly the easier choice from her perspective!"

[quote]"Did you followed me all the way out here to this place?"[/quote]

Has a tense disagreement and should be "Did you follow me all the way out here to this place?"

But other than these minor vocabulary and grammar issues, I quite enjoyed this story. It presents us with a side of these two characters that we seldom see in a story that is well-written and engaging. Especially as a first Land Before Time work from an author, this is an impressive story. I eagerly await your future writings. :)
8/11/2018 c1 26Keijo6
It's great to see a LBT fanfic from you and I'm happy to hear about your eagerness to participate in the prompt challenge. It's quite amazing how many people read our stories on this site. About this fic, your writing style certainly seems like a strong one and the premise of Ducky starting to comprehend her life in the Valley is an understandable one. The memories of the original film's ending showed how Ducky feels about her past and how it affects her present. Also, I enjoyed her and Spike's interactions as the latter's willingness to comfort his sister and the swimmer's attempt to understand Spike were captured really well for a first LBT story.

However, my thoughts about the latter part of this story are rather mixed. I hope I don't sound too rough but it felt me at many times like we were reading some outsider's, rather than Ducky's, thoughts about the hadrosaur's life. Especially "lack of competent leadership system" is hardly something the swimmer would think and even then, that doesn't sound too LBT-like in the first place. You made some good observations about the Valley's lack of actual security and comparing the Gang with the farwalkers but more than once, I felt like I was reading an analysis rather than a story.

That being said, this story was far from bad and I can see we're going to see some really good stories from you in the future. For now, you could try to keep even a character's thoughts in-character and to remember that long portions of analysis might draw the reader too far from the actual plot. In any case, this was a nice first LBT fic with effective dialogue and good understanding of the characters. I look forward to seeing you join the prompts or simply write more LBT stories in the coming weeks!
8/11/2018 c1 35DiddyKF1
For this being your first LBT story, I must say I'm impressed. You've added that sense of insecurity that no one seems to realize is there, and it raises the question as to what the Gang might end up becoming once they're past their Time of Great Growing. If they were to ever have kids of their own, would it be acceptable to raise them in the valley, or will fate push them into a different path that will force them to raise their kids in the way they were with all the known and unknown dangers? There is no telling what might become of their destinies. Good job, and I highly encourage you to try out the fanfiction prompts! :)

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