FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Into Darkness - SYOT Story

9/28/2018 c6 6santiago.poncini20
Xavier: He seemed a bit bland, but likiable in my opinion. Like if he was pitiable somehow?

Lumi: Poor little tribute, she seems like if she doesnt stand a chance on the games. But i didnt caught much of a personality on her besides the having "dyslexia", and her personality cant be all that. But i liked her reaction to the reaping, very real.

Also, if you dont like doing the reapings all, you can do 4 reapings, 4 goodbyes and 4 train rides. And if you ever need help with the story, i am here for it!

Chart:
Mine: Zeus, Sauger, Willow, Alys.
Love:
Like:
Neutral: Leonra, Mars, Xavier
Dislike: Lumi
Hate: Diana
9/28/2018 c5 No longer used acc abandoned
This was another great chapter!
Mars seems interesting. He seems like he could be easily angered, so I think he might be a massive threat in the game.
I’m not really liking Diana so far. It’s only been one chapter, but from what I can tell, she seems pretty bland. She might get better though.

Love:
Like: Leonra (1), Mars (2)
Neutral: Zeus (1)
Dislike: Diana (1)
Hate:

I’m excited for the next reaping as well, especially since Lumi’s in it. Keep up the great work. :)
9/28/2018 c5 2go-for-santa
Love it! Diana seems super badass, and I like the fact that she was reaped. It’s definitely unconventional, but I guess it never really was confirmed that the career districts have volunteers every year anyway. Clearly she’s tough if nobody wanted to volunteer in her place, so I think she’ll definitely be a strong competitor in the games.
Mars was great the way you wrote him too! His anger towards Jupiter and his relationship with his parents was spot-on, and so was his training session! I can’t wait to really see him in action. I think you did a great job writing for the careers, and I hope these two make it far.
Keep up the good work!
9/27/2018 c5 1666samvr
Honestly, for a Career district, especially in such a later Hunger Games, the chances of a Career getting Reaped should be almost nonexistent. While it's clear Diana has a strong passion for training and is quite confident in herself, it still bothers me that she was Reaped, rather than a volunteer. That's the one reason I dislike her character, just because I really can't stand reaped Careers.

Aaaayyy, Mars is my buddy's name! Also a very common name for D2 Males. Wonder if she knows about that. Anyways, I didn't get much from Mars. He did have some nice components to his character, just nothing I haven't seen before. So a solid neutral for him.

Mine:
Adore:
Love:
Like: Zeus (1)
Neutral: Leonra (1), Mars (2)
Dislike: Diana (2)
Hate:
Loathe:
Love to Hate:
9/27/2018 c5 2call me calamity
Oh my gosh, Diana is perfect! You did an AMAZING job writing her; I couldn’t stop smiling! I /am/ a little intrigued and concerned with her reaction to Mars. Hopefully she can stay focused on what she needs to do! As for Mars, I can already tell that he’s going to be a strong competitor as well. I can only assume his brother (Jupiter?) was killed in the Games or something, and not in an overly honorable way, considering the other kids’ reactions. I may be biased, but I’m already liking this pair from District 2! Can’t wait to see how they work together in the future. See you next update!
9/26/2018 c5 haydesx
Diana: By reading about her vigorous training I can already tell that Diana will one of the strongest tributes in the arena as it seems she can use a wide arrange of weapons although that small hint of emotion when she saw Mars may be a downfall for her.

Mars: I'm intrigued to learn more about Mars' backstory as I'm assuming his brother Jupiter died in the games. I also think that he will be dangerous as he seemed pretty capable with his hatchets and also he is the son of a peacekeeper.

Love:
Like: Leonra - D1F, Mars - D2M,
Neutral: Diana - D2F,
Dislike: Zeus - D1M
Hate:
Mine: Velura - D4F, Solder - D9M

So far I'm enjoying the story, keep up the great effort and I'm looking forward to seeing the District 3 Tributes!
9/26/2018 c4 haydesx
Zeus: I feel like Zeus will be a big threat in the arena although I have no clue what he is capaboe of I just have a feeling that he will be brutal.

Leonra: I also have a small suspicion that Leonra will be able to cause some mayhem in the arena. I think that Leonra will have a short fuse around Zeus and it may cause conflict before and during the games.

Love:
Like: Leonra - D1F,
Neutral:
Dislike: Zeus - D1M,
Hate:
9/26/2018 c5 6santiago.poncini20
... i hated them. Don’t take it wrong, I loooove your writing, it’s awesome, but i just really not like the fact Diana was reaped (someone would volunteer! Even a cocky 12 year old) and Mars has the typical story of his brother dying in the games and all, which I admit I have used before, I am guilty, so I don’t hate him that much. And I did like their scenes with their families, specially Mars’s.

Good chapter anyways! Loved your writing

(I reccomend you seek a D11M fast, because no one wants to make black tributes for some reason, or to make one yourself)

Chart:
Mine: Zeus, Sauger, Willow, Alys.
Love:
Like:
Neutral: Leonra, Mars
Dislike:
Hate: Diana
9/26/2018 c4 No longer used acc abandoned
At the start, I was really enjoying Zeus. But as the chapter went on, I started to dislike him more. I think he’ll be interesting, but I can’t see him getting too far.
I’m interested in Leonra. Her backstory seems traumatic, so I really want to find out what happened.
A great first Reaping, I really enjoyed reading it.

Love
Like Leonra
Neutral Zeus
Dislike
Hate
9/24/2018 c4 1666samvr
Joker Careers are always interesting. They can either be really entertaining or annoy the rest of the pack. Zeus seems like a wild card for sure.

Leonra is such a beautiful name. But she was just okay to me. Cleary, she's got quite the history, with her parents and all. Just some advice, showing can be more powerful than telling. With Leonra, we are told about how she no longer lives with her parents and has a rocky relationship with her grandparents. That's telling. Showing would be putting more emphasis on the relationship, leaving cues for the reader to piece things together.

That being said, I still think this was a nice first Reaping chapter and these two will certainly have an interesting relationship with one another.

Mine:
Adore:
Love:
Like: Zeus (1)
Neutral: Leonra (1)
Dislike:
Hate:
Loathe:
Love to Hate:
9/23/2018 c4 2call me calamity
I’m definitely interested in these two already. Leondra, I’m very curious about her parents and what exactly happened to them. I’ll be keeping an eye on her for sure. Zeus, I don’t know. I think he’ll be a fun character, and I’ll definitely enjoy reading him, but I hope for his sake that he doesn’t goof off to the point that other tributes (especially the other Careers) don’t take him seriously. Can’t wait for the next chapter!
9/23/2018 c4 19RainEStar3
Worrying about chapter being bad after that much proofreading? I don't blame you. It's a writer's instinct to be highly self-critical (only a select few new writers actually have overconfidence in their work). But for something you editted yourself, this quality is top notch! Some punctuation errors and comma splicing, yeah, but nothing that burns my eyes and makes me want to take a red marker to it. XD
Chapter was well done. Setting and characters were set pretty well. Zeus looked a little harder to manage, but it still was good. Perspective overlap was enough to get two sides of the same story without feeling everything was being retold. And you've sold me on these two tributes. Leonra seems to have baggage on her that'll be unpacked latter, and Zeus is gonna be a blast to see! Friendly, but I think he's formidable. Both have them have to be, given that they're 18 year old careers.
I patiently await the next chapter. And I'll try to squeeze in another tribute while I'm at it. Those slots are filling up fast.
9/23/2018 c4 6santiago.poncini20
Zeus: LOVED IT! my little mischievous bae is so adorable to see and to read. You did him so well, even if i pictured a little bit more naive, its better this way.

Leonra: Ummm, family tragedy. I wonder how her parents died and how it will affect her trust towards people. She seems fierce, which is good for the games, and also determined, but i think she places herself in a ground higher than others mentally, which might play wrongly for her. But anyways, she seems cool. Except for the part around her sister, who i believe we dont know the name of. She seems pretty mysterious. And that could be good for her.

Chart:
Mine: Zeus, Sauger, Willow, Alys.
Love:
Like:
Neutral: Leonra
Dislike:
Hate:
9/17/2018 c2 ONLYONE TAKE
Audri is really cool. I really like her whole thought process on the games, and how she's really confused how she doesn't like the games, but why her friends do. If that makes sense in my own words. I also have to say that the president is very interesting. I could just go on and on about what you might have in store for these two, but to keep the review short, I really like them both.

Now I'm onto the next chapter, and also. I SEE YOU ACCEPTED MY BABY! I'm so excited for her, but not really since she can face imminent death, but still, so happy!
9/15/2018 c1 ONLYONE TAKE
This is an interesting start to your story so far, so much potential with these characters! Ember and Isabelle are super cute, and I thought it was super cute when they talked to each other. Can't say much about the president, except he looks like a clear villain from the looks of it.

Really liked this chapter, I hope my character can fit in well enough in the story. Good luck with your writing, and if you need any tips, you can always PM me. Your writing is good so far, very descriptive. Onto the next chapter.
50 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service