Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Secrets & Keepers – Collision Course

12/21/2020 c12 Kushka
Great story
12/9/2020 c2 28Hippothestrowl
The author requests a beta reader at the end of this chapter (2) but although there are lots of technical errors, they are not important. What is really needed is not a beta reader but someone with pruning shears - a chain saw would be better - to hack away what is not needed so as to leave what is important and interesting.

Like Chapter 1, I skimmed most of chapter 2. It starts with the very first word being a pronoun without an antecedent nor is it closely following by a postcedent. So we have an undefined someone who I don't care about. You have to make readers care or they give up. I skim down paragraph after paragraph. Maybe a quarter way down I finally spot the name of Snape but by then I already don't care. I keep skimming looking for anything concrete to latch onto and see the Prophet headline about Potter disappearing, and Snape heading back to England. The rest of this chapter is mostly the same as chapter 1 with Sirius and Regulus chatting. I also spotted something about Moody interrogating Remus. Okay, likely I missed lots of stuff that might be significant, but I can't invest my time searching for it.

So, to sum up, we have two chapters totalling an estimated 40000 words (which is small novel length - and half the size of Philosopher's Stone and look at all that happens in that) and all that has happened is:

Harry runs away so lots of people looking for him.
Sirius and Regulus take him to Grimmauld
Kreacher turns up.
They all talk. A lot.

This story could be good, possibly great. But I doubt the style will change. However, I'm curious enough to skim forward a bit more! :D

- Hip
12/8/2020 c1 Hippothestrowl
Pity. Interesting plot idea but 90% routine trivia detailed to an excruciating degree INCREDIBLY slow. I skimmed searching for anything story-relevant and/or interesting so I probably missed stuff that could be. So, summary would be: Sirius and Regulus take Harry to Grimmauld Place after he blew up his Aunt Marge. Did I miss anything important?

Also, Sirus and Regulus sound like the same single-emotion single-style character - probably the author. I skimmed Harry so I'm hoping he won't be the same.

There's interesting stuff in there but it's like searching for gems in an abandoned mine.

I'll check the next chapter or so but it has to deliver with more real story and less routine.

Now compare this chapter with the original books which are twenty times faster and twenty times more interesting and thereby immersive. That's why they're popular.

- Hip
10/26/2020 c4 MrsFH
I got so lost in all flashbacks and long, rambling memories that I can’t follow the story. Why did Regulus look in a mirror and see Sirius’s dead girlfriend? What does all this have to do with Harry & Dumbledore?

At one point, the author said they needed a beta reader. I agree, not for grammar or spelling (which are very good), but to make the chapters shorter and clarify how the back story related to the main plot.

I am going to try the next chapter in hopes it gets back to the “present.” If bot, I will be so lost I will move on - which I would be sad about because I love the idea of this story.
10/10/2020 c12 lunaz
great story
10/7/2020 c1 4OMG My Library's On Fire
Love the House quote ;)
9/30/2020 c12 Occhi-Blu
I love that story !
9/29/2020 c12 Kris
Highly enjoyable!
9/28/2020 c12 Beauty Eclipsed
I’ve always hated Dumbledore. Even when I was first reading the books there was a part of me that never trusted him. I still don’t understand why in canon Harry named one of his son’s after him.
9/27/2020 c1 lunaz
amazing
9/26/2020 c1 Beauty Eclipsed
This first chapter was just crazy. Poor Sirius.
9/26/2020 c12 1Nitraz
I just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE this story! You've improved so much since you started this. In the beginning I was a bit hesitant to continue due to all the errors with sentence structure etc. But boy am I glad I kept on reading! I pretty much binged this in a couple of days and do not regret it one bit. I didn't think I'd like all the changing POV's, but strangely it worked because you write each character so well. They all add to the story in their own unique way.

I noticed that you didn't have a beta reader for quite a few chapters, so I'd be more than willing to beta read Entropy if you're interested :3

Anyway, good luck on future fics!
9/21/2020 c1 6era-romance
love that u took that quote from house. lol
9/21/2020 c12 Beatrize
Read through the whole thing in one shot with only breaks for food, rest and restroom break. LOVE THIS.

FINALLY!

I never could stomach the lengths to which Hogwarts professors were incompetent and were too confident in Dumbledore's abilities to keep the school and its inhabitants safe. Hated the old coot with his damned twinkling manipulative eyes. Honeyed voice of undisputable reason, Merlin's saggy balls. I love the idea of this group of odd ducks taking down Dumbles.

Waiting patiently for the sequels and prequels.
Much love,
N.
9/19/2020 c12 2mwinter1
AWaiting more.
123 Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service