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11/8/2019 c2 TheEvilCritic13
Both chapters have felt rushed and do not form a coherent story. It's honestly a headache to try to keep up with. In all honesty, you should restart, slow down and take your time to build the world, figure out how to write believable character dialogue, and work on your spelling and grammar.
10/11/2019 c1 Sorna-Raptor
Okay none of this makes sense not gonna lie this is kinda terrible.
10/11/2019 c1 Heavyarms150
I dont get this. The only person who has a character design to hate ruby for being 2 years younger at beacon is weiss. So unless your changing practically every character in their entirety your gonna have to have a really good 2nd chapter.
10/11/2019 c1 TheEvilCritic13
Weak. Way too weak of a premise. I understand there are people who enjoy angst-filled revenge stories where allies turn enemies. For what reason, I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. But the whole reason her team, her own sister, beat her and threw her out of Beacon like one-dimensional bad guys, is because she was two years younger?

At least make it the mysterious and scary silver eyes that Ruby had somehow unlocked and frightened people. Still not a great premise but at least better than it's just because she's two years younger.

And what of the teachers, or Ozpin? Since they used Ozpin's launch pads, I'm guessing they had to go through him to use them. I doubt those are accessible to just anyone. Am I supposed to believe that Ozpin would allow that to happen despite him inviting Ruby to Beacon two years early? Or letting anyone under his employ to allow it?

Lastly, this is not a summary. A summary is a brief description of the main events of a story. To let readers get an idea of what's going to happen. This is something that should be in a complete chapter, which is at the very least 1k words, and that's being generous.
12/12/2018 c7 FireIce90
Yet another RWBy fanfic with horrible mega paragraph formatting.
11/18/2018 c1 soraya
well, I officially mark thee story writer of the year
10/22/2018 c6 ZeloxMidnight
When is the next chapter if any

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