FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Into the Wild: Wrath of a Titan

9/27/2018 c1 1SunMoon6798
Yeah ignore Elmo's he's an idiot. Great story by the way.
9/27/2018 c1 GenX567
[Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames.]

No he actually goes around annoying every single new writer with bad advice, flames, and complaints.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. ]

Pokemon names are actual names and not species names. Game Freak Nintendo, and the creator himself have all stated this several times.

[The first comma here is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. The second comma is unnecessary.]

The first comma is not a comma splice. The second one is actually necessary.

[Hm, this is an interesting worldbuilding detail; certainly canon seems to imply otherwise. Do you have your own reason that humans don't eat pokemon?]

Take a pick there are literally dozens of reasons the fandom made.

[This is intense! I love stories that engage with the mysticism of pokemon and questions of coexistence. There are a few grammar errors that make some parts hard to follow, though; you may want to get a beta reader to help you.]

And it's strange how he praises this while complaining. Simply put He's yelled at people for a lot less.

[Be aware that I have some sort of weird stalker who mobs stories I review. If you don't want that, a list of all their sockpuppets is on my profile.]

Yeah, said list has no real prove they tried several times to report everyone on there but nothing happened. Finally, they gotten in trouble for it but refuse to remove it.
9/27/2018 c1 23St Elmo's Fire
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don't have to feel like I'm making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Most dismissed the rumors, the chief of police, did not.]

The first comma here is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. The second comma is unnecessary.

[corral in the deepest part of the bay had been painted black]

I think you mean "coral". "Corral" means to contain.

[His first thoughts were of someone desperate to eat, but no sane human would ever consume a Pokemon unless they were starving]

Hm, this is an interesting worldbuilding detail; certainly canon seems to imply otherwise. Do you have your own reason that humans don't eat pokemon?

This is intense! I love stories that engage with the mysticism of pokemon and questions of coexistence. There are a few grammar errors that make some parts hard to follow, though; you may want to get a beta reader to help you.

Be aware that I have some sort of weird stalker who mobs stories I review. If you don't want that, a list of all their sockpuppets is on my profile.
9/26/2018 c1 7Flygoon
Wow, that was good! I haven't read much suspense lately, but that was one of the better fics I've read recently. Lots of excellent tension building, I was so not expecting it to be that (I was adamant it was going to be lugia) at the end. I hope John makes it out alive, although his chances seem to be very slim. One slight niggle: misspelling of coral. It's very minor and an easy fix, so I'm not put off by it in the slightest. Good luck for forthcoming chapters!
9/26/2018 c1 BladesOfBaconIV
Heart damn near skipped when I saw the email for this, thought it was the next part of ItW, but still, great to see you back, and little shorts like this are brilliant add ones to Pokemon fics imo, so effective at quickly building up some part of the world, or explaining plot points, or filling in back story that isn’t really fitting the main story. Will be keeping a close eye on things for part 2 of ItW, but until then this was a welcome read.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service