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12/14/2018 c1 frankieu
nice start of the story thx for writing it looking forward to more
10/29/2018 c1 13Blades of Chance
[AshxSeleneWriter chapter 1 . 3h ago
As you can see, St’s claims of being stalked and “dismissed” at every corner is proven here, just as it’s been in so many other review sections. By no less than one of Sockpuppets United’s most treasured reinforcements.]

AshxSelenne is just a bully that goes around harassing people that don't take St's advice.
10/29/2018 c1 AshxSeleneWriter
As you can see, St’s claims of being stalked and “dismissed” at every corner is proven here, just as it’s been in so many other review sections. By no less than one of Sockpuppets United’s most treasured reinforcements.

Look, I don’t agree with all the advice St gave, but it was still merely constructive feedback. Constructive criticism is not bullying, even when you don’t agree with it.

Like with St’s guest review, you can remove this one if you don’t care for it. :)
10/29/2018 c1 GenX567
[Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. ]

Actually he goes around giving out bad advice and flames to everyone on here while stalking the published stories. He also uses bad grammar engines.

[It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. ]

Actually no your author notes are bold and as such no one would confuse it as part of the story. In fact the line break would make people confuse it as part of the story.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. ]

Pokemon names are actual names not species names according to Game Freak. As such this is a fallacy of Elmo's.

[This is improper semicolon usage. ]

No this is proper semicolon usage. Also you seem to have a far better grasp on them then Elmo ever had.

[Missing apostrophe.]

No you aren't.

[You don't show a very good job of showing this.]

Elmo's is lying out the skin of his teeth.

[To be honest, I've never really understood the point of this trope. Kids making mistakes and learning from them is kind of the point of a journey story, isn't it? ]

It's subverting expectations which is a nice change of pace compared to the usual story on here.

[there's a bully stalking me who spams review sections to scream no the sky isn't blue whenever I open my mouth. If you don't want that, a list of all their sockpuppets is on my profile. Please don't be discouraged if they try to stir up drama; the fandom is quite calm aside from them.]

St Elmo's Fire should have been removed by the admins for this nonsense as he was bullying the users by calling them sickpuppets. In fact its screenshots and on Hybrid if Fate's profile.

It's best to block elmo's.
10/29/2018 c1 St Elmo's Fire
I'm adding this separately as a guest review so you can remove it through the "Remove Reviews" feature in your account menu if you don't care for it. Only someone purposefully trying to ruin a review section would hold a conversation through signed reviews, which cannot be deleted.

Fair warning: there's a bully stalking me who spams review sections to scream no the sky isn't blue whenever I open my mouth. If you don't want that, a list of all their sockpuppets is on my profile. Please don't be discouraged if they try to stir up drama; the fandom is quite calm aside from them.
10/29/2018 c1 23St Elmo's Fire
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don't have to feel like I'm making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story. You are free to verify everything I say on Grammarly or other open-access grammatical resources if you think I've gotten anything wrong.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[My own mom I could hear talking to Professor Oak about her ongoing studies of Pokémon Type energies in the hall; which meant I had time to snag a treat.]

This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. A comma would be more appropriate here.

You're really overusing semicolons in general and using them in a lot of places where commas or em dashes would be more appropriate.

[broken from our reverie by the Professors voice]

Missing apostrophe.

[The SI in this story had lost most of his past life's memories for actual story reasoning I'll go into at a later date. His 'core' self remained and will influence him more as time goes by. Currently he's a much more mature ten year old, but still just a ten year old at heart.]

You don't show a very good job of showing this. Currently he really is acting like an 18-year-old in a kid's body.

To be honest, I've never really understood the point of this trope. Kids making mistakes and learning from them is kind of the point of a journey story, isn't it? Watching a perfectly logical actor coast through everything doesn't feel terribly interesting to me. Maybe you do plan to have him develop in a different way, but if so, you should make that clearer. Right now, all I get is that he wants power, which is rather shallow as a motivation.
10/21/2018 c1 Ashborn2271
You should follow canon for ash replace pikachu and balbasur and then time skip to the league championship. Otherwise you will never be able to finish this story. You will get bored out of it.
10/21/2018 c1 10ultima-owner
that is a fun way to steal a cookie
10/21/2018 c1 NoSignal87
Weird text

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