for The Queen and the God of the Fairies9/10/2021 c2 Guest
HOLY CRAP WAIT A SECOND YOUR PACING IS TOO FAST
HOLY CRAP WAIT A SECOND YOUR PACING IS TOO FAST
2/20/2020 c1 
2Lil Author Vert
Haven't even read the story yet, but I already have some things to say. Work on producing better paragraphs and your pacing. I have a feeling this is a very very rushed story
2Lil Author VertHaven't even read the story yet, but I already have some things to say. Work on producing better paragraphs and your pacing. I have a feeling this is a very very rushed story
1/11/2020 c5 Sssshhhhhhhhh
Dont understand how erza power level is more than naruto...you just made her OP in less than 3 chapters...but the first chapter really was great. Keep up the good work
Dont understand how erza power level is more than naruto...you just made her OP in less than 3 chapters...but the first chapter really was great. Keep up the good work
1/8/2020 c3 FrozenTundra
I see what you did there, you pulled a Frozen.
I see what you did there, you pulled a Frozen.
1/7/2020 c11 NazgulBelserion
Lol I laughed so hard shit went so fast I don't mind that but dude married in 3 months wtf hahahaha
Lol I laughed so hard shit went so fast I don't mind that but dude married in 3 months wtf hahahaha
1/7/2020 c3 NazgulBelserion
This is most cringy shit I have ever read lmao I love you literally just met like 5 minutes ago lmao wtf is this I get fast paced but this makes no sense
This is most cringy shit I have ever read lmao I love you literally just met like 5 minutes ago lmao wtf is this I get fast paced but this makes no sense
7/14/2019 c10 FinalDescendant
After reading through, your ideas have plenty of potential, but you have to slow way the hell down. The biggest thing I would suggest is to develop actual reasons for why events/decisions happen as they do within the story. Why does Sasuke want to give his eyes to whoever Naruto ends up with? Why does Naruto just accept that he'll never see his friends or world again so quickly? Why was Erza looking to date Naruto after a few minutes worth of interaction (which consisted of her being kicked)? These things, and more, seem to just happen without any cause or justification. It doesn't align with the characters' personalities, and ends up leaving the story very disjointed and overly-simplistic. Your good ideas come across a lot weaker as a result, so it would be helpful to dedicate some extra time to developing the characters and building up to events like the formation of Team Element.
Aside from that, it's understandable to not place two incredibly over-powered characters into the canon storyline directly, but that's where it could help to install your own storyline meant for Naruto and Erza specifically. Skipping over years worth of events out of misguided necessity has contributed to the story being rushed and, at points, excessively short. At least giving more description about the training would be enough to develop the characters more.
Those are the most important pieces of writing advice I would give. Like I said, your ideas have potential. You are also not terrible with your grammar and general writing ability, even if not the greatest. The story's problems are really just a matter of whether you are willing to dedicate greater time and effort to actually writing it out, as opposed to the extended summary that it has essentially become. I hope you come back to the story and make something great out of it. Good luck!
After reading through, your ideas have plenty of potential, but you have to slow way the hell down. The biggest thing I would suggest is to develop actual reasons for why events/decisions happen as they do within the story. Why does Sasuke want to give his eyes to whoever Naruto ends up with? Why does Naruto just accept that he'll never see his friends or world again so quickly? Why was Erza looking to date Naruto after a few minutes worth of interaction (which consisted of her being kicked)? These things, and more, seem to just happen without any cause or justification. It doesn't align with the characters' personalities, and ends up leaving the story very disjointed and overly-simplistic. Your good ideas come across a lot weaker as a result, so it would be helpful to dedicate some extra time to developing the characters and building up to events like the formation of Team Element.
Aside from that, it's understandable to not place two incredibly over-powered characters into the canon storyline directly, but that's where it could help to install your own storyline meant for Naruto and Erza specifically. Skipping over years worth of events out of misguided necessity has contributed to the story being rushed and, at points, excessively short. At least giving more description about the training would be enough to develop the characters more.
Those are the most important pieces of writing advice I would give. Like I said, your ideas have potential. You are also not terrible with your grammar and general writing ability, even if not the greatest. The story's problems are really just a matter of whether you are willing to dedicate greater time and effort to actually writing it out, as opposed to the extended summary that it has essentially become. I hope you come back to the story and make something great out of it. Good luck!
2/12/2019 c10 Archer Chef
You should make it into a harem pairing lol but Erza is the main one
for harem :
Mira she admires him at first because when he saved her and her siblings but she slowly fell in love with him and she's a jealous with Erza but she doesn't show it cause she's too nice now.
Ultear she wanted to use Naruto first but she couldn't cause he's too powerful . Even though Naruto knew she wanted to use him he still cares and talks to her and told her about Sasuke with revenge and about his parents and how parents love their children she admires him but slowly turns into love.
Cana she flirts a lot with Naruto but he doesn't get it because he is dense. She actually likes Naruto and openly says she doesn't mind being his girlfriend but sadly Erza snagged him first.
Jenny have her rivalry with Mira comes early . She founds out about Mira had Naruto's relationship and she proclaimed that she will show Mira who is his true love (even though it's Erza lol). She already knows Naruto and his achievements she admires him.
Sherry we need another redhead!
Hisuithe king of Fiore asked Naruto to marry her daughter (he knows she likes Naruto) he said no because he is already married or in a relationship . But the king told Naruto that if he does marry her he could become the king and can marry and get wives . When Erza found out , she talked to Naruto and told her he should accept because she knows that a lot of women wants to be with him but can't because of their relationship and she's okay to share as long as they all love him and he loves them back equally.
Bisca I don't really want her to not marry Alzack cause I ship them but because of Naruto being there changes everything lol.
Erza KnightwalkerNaruto didn't want to hurt her because she is her wife even though it's the parallel version. she is jealous of her counterpart because of how powerful she is after she is touched by erza's words she became gentler and they became good friends and maybe even sisters (they share the love of cake) she got invited that she should go with them and actually be married to Naruto . Even though she used to be cruel Naruto doesn't care about it and he will still love her .
Aquarius she is awesome! She needs to be on the harem! she acts as a tsundere at first but when they are in a relationship she acts as a fangirl and she keeps saying that she is a better lover than Lucy
Lucy
You should make it into a harem pairing lol but Erza is the main one
for harem :
Mira she admires him at first because when he saved her and her siblings but she slowly fell in love with him and she's a jealous with Erza but she doesn't show it cause she's too nice now.
Ultear she wanted to use Naruto first but she couldn't cause he's too powerful . Even though Naruto knew she wanted to use him he still cares and talks to her and told her about Sasuke with revenge and about his parents and how parents love their children she admires him but slowly turns into love.
Cana she flirts a lot with Naruto but he doesn't get it because he is dense. She actually likes Naruto and openly says she doesn't mind being his girlfriend but sadly Erza snagged him first.
Jenny have her rivalry with Mira comes early . She founds out about Mira had Naruto's relationship and she proclaimed that she will show Mira who is his true love (even though it's Erza lol). She already knows Naruto and his achievements she admires him.
Sherry we need another redhead!
Hisuithe king of Fiore asked Naruto to marry her daughter (he knows she likes Naruto) he said no because he is already married or in a relationship . But the king told Naruto that if he does marry her he could become the king and can marry and get wives . When Erza found out , she talked to Naruto and told her he should accept because she knows that a lot of women wants to be with him but can't because of their relationship and she's okay to share as long as they all love him and he loves them back equally.
Bisca I don't really want her to not marry Alzack cause I ship them but because of Naruto being there changes everything lol.
Erza KnightwalkerNaruto didn't want to hurt her because she is her wife even though it's the parallel version. she is jealous of her counterpart because of how powerful she is after she is touched by erza's words she became gentler and they became good friends and maybe even sisters (they share the love of cake) she got invited that she should go with them and actually be married to Naruto . Even though she used to be cruel Naruto doesn't care about it and he will still love her .
Aquarius she is awesome! She needs to be on the harem! she acts as a tsundere at first but when they are in a relationship she acts as a fangirl and she keeps saying that she is a better lover than Lucy
Lucy
12/22/2018 c6 supboyyyyy93
This power level chart is kind of iffy. I don't see base form erza much faster than base form naruto, if this is based on the canon naruto scaling, base naruto was able to fight sasuke with his sharigan in hand to hand combat and sasuke was able to swap hands with the raikage who moves at lightning speeds also keep in mind naruto fought sasuke after days fighting in a war. Also acnologica's dragon form is more compatible with kurama mode naruto instead of a fully power shari-rinnagan six sage mode naruto who is at least multi continent level, again if this is based on naruto's power scaling. For the sake of your plot i'll use this power scaling but just know i would rather have a power scaling that is canon.
This power level chart is kind of iffy. I don't see base form erza much faster than base form naruto, if this is based on the canon naruto scaling, base naruto was able to fight sasuke with his sharigan in hand to hand combat and sasuke was able to swap hands with the raikage who moves at lightning speeds also keep in mind naruto fought sasuke after days fighting in a war. Also acnologica's dragon form is more compatible with kurama mode naruto instead of a fully power shari-rinnagan six sage mode naruto who is at least multi continent level, again if this is based on naruto's power scaling. For the sake of your plot i'll use this power scaling but just know i would rather have a power scaling that is canon.
12/22/2018 c4 supboyyyyy93
Not bad for a first time story, but i think it's wayyyyy too fast and it needs to slow down lol.
Not bad for a first time story, but i think it's wayyyyy too fast and it needs to slow down lol.