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for Suzume no Namida

5/27 c15 Guest
628 turning up was a twist! I admit the description made me think of Tickle-Tummy for a second. Is that intentional? Or is something else going on.
The squad was super graceful around Gantu, you'd think he'd return the favour a bit after but no such luck. 625/Reuben's nonchalance is clashing with everyone else. There wasn't much interaction in the show but will that factor in later?
Poor Hammerhead though! How far does this household programming go
4/28 c13 Guest
I've gotten really invested in this story and read it in a day! Just before I was on a bit of a Lilo & Stitch nostalgia kick and wondered what the series would be like if it came out today. There might still be less swearing, even today, but I think the weight placed on emotional impact and consequences of actions in your story gives some insight into that. I also enjoyed reading a story from the PoV of experiments who've had less focus!
2/27 c1 X
I like how you made them able to talk clearly unlike the show, I also like that you made Hammerface the reasonable one of the group.
10/29/2019 c7 46snake screamer
good chap, for Felix, have him be somewhat (With hammerhead spooked by him)

"Oh well... I might tried to... Kill him." Felix coughed

"Okay but why did-"

"I might have tried to vigorously killed lilo and stitch too." Felix chuckled nervously.

"Of course you did." Hammerhead deadpanned

"Yeah, but I'm better now," Felix stated. "And now i like making messes."

"Oh great, now you can kill us with boulder size cluttering." Hammerhead

(Btw considering Rueben and Gantu are pals by the time of the an in the late episodes, when they played cards together with Rueben with Gantu plan of the ice cream truck).

Have 625 convince Gantu to have Nosy and Fibber lend to Pleakley earwax group

"...Why?" Gantu stated

"To gather intel, duh." 625 stated
10/13/2019 c5 4Bennie Stardust
Excellent burp, Angel. Top-notch.
Not a lot of writers, on the shows or otherwise, really let Angel be gross like the other Experiments can be. It's nice to see her embracing a quirkiness she doesn't often get to have.
I also enjoy the brotherly/sisterly relationship she and Heat are developing.

It's interesting to see Lilo and Stitch portrayed in this less positive light and I'm curious to see where it goes. Seems this story is following the captured Experiments reacting to the events of the series. In that case, I'm especially curious to see how the stories of episodes likes "BonnieClyde" will play out here.
10/13/2019 c4 Bennie Stardust
I like how Fibber communicates via sign language. In my Stitch short stories, Sample and Belle also use sign language. It makes me think some cousins would be perfect as assistants to people with hearing disabilities.

Angel makes her first appearance. I think this is a rare story in which she doesn't appear with Stitch. She seems friendly and I like that she goes off at Gantu in her friends' interests as well as her own. Her having super speed is also a cool addition; I like the idea of some Experiments having hidden powers that they have to discover for themselves.

I can guess what a "pee line" is, but somehow I get the feeling it might be worse than what I'm thinking.
10/13/2019 c2 Bennie Stardust
My favorite part of this was the main four exploring the nature of Earth at the beginning. It was nice to see them bond over curiosity for the local flora and wildlife; the calm before the storm.

The fight with the four Stitches felt more intense than in the episode. Knowing how anxious the "evil" Experiments were completely changes the tone of the whole scene.

When 033 spun his head 'round, I thought; "We toys can see everything."
But in all seriousness, I'm very much enjoying your characterization of him. He's the old veteran who can still dish it out in any kind of confrontation.

I also like the many creative ways you've applied Heat's powers, from burning bacteria to detecting and absorbing body heat.
10/12/2019 c1 Bennie Stardust
So this first chapter is essentially an elaboration on the target practice scene from "Dupe." It's interesting how you took something originally intended for slapstick and revealed the darker story behind it.

I enjoyed the insight you gave on the experience of being in pod form. Seems it's similar to cryosleep/stasis from other sci-fi stories.

The highlight of this first chapter for me was 033. He's the oldest and wisest of the main four, and it's clear he is, or was, closer to Jumba than most of the other Experiments. Considering the comment on him being like Jumba's ex-wife, I wonder how great a role she played in the development of those early Experiments.
I love the line "I'm like my own time capsule." That perfectly captures the feeling of suddenly awakening to a completely changed world.

The only thing I'd advise of you is to try to make your prose a little less wordy. There are some times where you say more than is necessary, or mention things which are already apparent.

Overall, this is a gripping introduction to a darker take on the "Dupe" episode. I'm looking forward to reading on.

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