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19h c18 Killerpickle
Shirou really shouldn't be struggling against people in Yggdrasil with over 100 years of combat experience and the extra skills he should of learned i.e magic, assassination techniques mundane/magical just to name a few, Then you add on how he is meant to of become stronger due to Yggdrasil mechanics even stronger then his normal ARCHER heroic spirit form.
But Shirou hasn't gained any new skills from his long life on top of all the class skills he should have...
19h c11 jokong
what?what did i just read the last part LFMAO HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
21h c13 Killerpickle
If Shirou can respawn then there was no reason for everyone to drop what they were doing to come and save him as its not that big of a deal if he dies, particularly for important life changing moments like the idol career.
Yeah like they should spend more time with him all together but that can be arranged without doing the BS
2/19 c19 Pixelitus
God, I am so happy to see this back, and I love how what you’ve been doing with it. I’m excited to see the next chapter when it comes out. Though, throughout this entire thing, there has been one persistent question in my mind. Why has Shirou not used Unlimited Blade Works? It’s like he’s more willing to just up and lose than use his actual trump card of trump cards. Maybe it’s to keep it extra hidden, even in a tournament as important as this? I don’t know. Either way, love to see this again.
2/19 c1 jokong
Killerpickle dude this just purely fanfiction not a wankfest of insults and if you're here to complain go write your own damn fic is the least you can do at least you 'the Writer' can tweak a characters that would fit your own fantasy. And that's the purpose of writing a fic for the purpose of writing a story that your favorite character to diverge from the original story. And not to complain to other writers how the story is not to your liking, what's the point of spewing insults if you can't write yourself a fic that other won't insult on it with a salt of grain
2/19 c6 Killerpickle
The idea of the guild gifting him something is nice, with how they are influencing each other etc as you said but the actual item itself is pretty dumb, maybe changing to instead of just good ol' yin an' yang sword couple to having the ability to turn into the previously equipped item/weapon (if item it would allow more flexibility i.e rope, grenade).
The guns having the ability to change to the previously equipped weapon would make them useful for starters but also it doesn't make sense on how the guns actually turn into Kanshou and Bakuya.
2/19 c5 Killerpickle
It is really annoying me how your just replacing all of Shirou's skills, magic and what his noble phantasms do with Yggdrasil game based stuff that is heaps less interesting. And it is not just trying to quantify a skill/item etc but its how it completely changes what that item or skill is actually meant to do with something else for instance structural grasping is meant to allow Shirou to understand and see everything (he only stores weapons in his reality marble) but Shirou Has to use his blacksmith given class skill to examine some rocks, another example is Avalon the beginning part was fine with how it gives a regen boost but the final phantasm...
2/19 c4 Killerpickle
I really hated this chapter, the whole Berserker fight yeah its just sooo ahh forced I guess the best way to put it like why is he there then there is also how you portrayed the God Hand skill, Hercules's 12 lives don't give him complete immunity to a certain attack they only increase his immunity up to the point where that attack dosen't kill him anymore i.e if Berserker is crushed with 1 ton of force which is 'Just' enough to kill him now in his next life when being crushed to kill him you need to use 2 tons force.
2/19 c2 Killerpickle
Its pretty disappointing to see that all of Shirou's natural born skills were just turned into in game skills instead of having Shirou learn/get other classes (or race change to spirit lol).
With having Shirou level up like a normal player (but starting of with his heroic spirit strength) it allows Shirou to explore the world more and in a more organic way, it also has the cool affect of Shirou gaining new interesting powers that we get to see how they interact with his inborn skills.

And really Shirous inborn magic should be actual skills as they require actual actions, incantations etc unlike YGGDRASIL's skills which is literally just saying the skill while following an action i.e swinging sword. Shirou's magic is an 'external' thing requiring manual input and control instead of the YGGDRASIL with how it does that for the player
2/15 c5 MarkHasSeenSomeShit
this fight is taking a long ass time _
2/14 c8 Guest
I REALLY wanna hear things from the NPCs perspectives at some point-
2/12 c19 Guest
Damn Next fight is going to be a while since this Shirou going all out and then back tracking all the details in the previous chapters.

Traces Shirou could do in this game.
Avalon - Boost
Caliburn - Boost
Excalibur - Have yet to make an appearance
Gae Bolg and other NPs

Its going to be wild wide.
2/12 c19 Zero
Its heating up !
2/11 c19 Long term guest
Context - I first picked this up years ago, I don't remember when but I found the concept gripping. An aged Emiya Shirou, one who has fallen, but not broken. His shattered shell of a self persisting on tubes, grit and rabid determination was positively enthralling.

Early chapters - I'll admit lovely touches with the guild, generally speaking. Your style is a bit on the nose for my likings at times. Shirou is described as the team mum before she demonstrates team mum attributes. Still, going up to the fight with berserker, I was relatively happy.

Later chapters - Shirous inward facing tendency, despite its altruistic and realistic expression is a brilliant take. Personally, I would have shipped him off to the new world having never quite arrived the answer you had zelretch browbeat into him during the tournament arc, but that's potato potato. In fact, if there's something I think you're generally good at it's interesting character focus. You have real weight to Shirou being here, gave him little ways he changes the world. Great job.

Criticism - to me, perhaps you, the Internet and my grandmother will suggest otherwise, but you're quite on the nose usually. You tend to explain things out. Because of recency bias, I'll cover examples from the tournament arc. Mr wiggles was delectable, but there was little need to explain its purpose after demonstrating it. Or that explanation of how the GMs handled things, leaving that as a few comments by someone about where are all the extra GMs or as a Zelretch scene bullying Kaito to hire some 'background characters' would have been sufficient to highlight both that extra GMs were moderating, and that they were expected by the regular players to show when shirou yeeted that poser like he was made of tissue paper. I think you should trust us to add a bit of a veil, save a bit of mystery. That's doubly true for fight scenes.

Not an expert. But hear me out before banishing me to the shadow realm like the parasitic narcissist that I am. Your style is very play by play, in the motions. Thats cool, and it feels substantial, but think about what you want to convey and how. For example, sometimes you describe someone as being surprised or did something in panic. Gesticulating that with flailed his arms rapidly or froze stiff, eyes darting about could have conveyed the same. The effect, in theory is that it becomes more immersive. Feel free to disagree, you're providing me free entertainment.

To summarise, you're beyond cool in the concert department, on a high level I'm having plenty of fun, but there's a devil in the details that I think will make your work slick, smooth and more awesome.

Feel free to throw this in the discard pile, I'm just another self entitled poser on the Internet too afraid to share his own name.

But consider, I never said it, but you probably have a good feel for my self-esteem, no?

On the flip side, i do think you are doing it more. There's a few implied character moments in matches where the opponents are so in sync that they do something silly and you had suspense cuts where characters know what stupid, but somehow successful manevours their friends will pull.

Just as a personal preference, be a bit more choice with the details. Or not. Having chapters longer than my emotional spectrum is an absolute delight.


2/9 c7 1GammaOmegaDelta
What a character development!

The one clutch we've been missing in the canon overlord.
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