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for What You Are in the Dark

9/12/2020 c1 Guest
Ah, I remember those days. Chasing butterflies, listening to nursery rhymes, believing in fairy tales, eating dirt.

Dirt?
5/16/2019 c3 SomeRandomDude
are you finished with pure hearts and jagged souls or did you lose motivation for it? anyways, i cant wait to see the next chapter of this already amazing story!
4/21/2019 c2 metadee
Whoops, accidentally posted my reviewas I was writing it. Therefore, I must post it for chapter 1. Anyway, there were several grammatical errors here and there, but it wasn't too distracting from the overall story.

I have one more suggestion for this story. Because it is written in first person and present tense, the story kinds feels like a personal journal or diary. I suggest that it would be very interesting if you would write a chapter as if Meta Knight was writing it when the chapter was taking place. The writing style could also change as the story goes on as Meta Knight's emotions change. If the story was written like that, the first person, present-tense style would make more sense. But that's just my opinion.

Overall, I thought this story was pretty good and I can't wait to see what's next!

7.5/10
4/21/2019 c3 metadee
After reading the prologue and the first two chapters, I must say that I am impressed so far. This story is better than I expected. I will talk about each section of the story, and I will go in-depth will each of them since I like reviews with constructive criticism in them. This is going to be one of those reviews.

Initially, I was very interested in this story because it was about one of my favorite characters of all time, Meta Knight. When I started writing for FFN, I wrote a story called "The Dark Mirror" which was supposed to be a dark take on Meta Knight and events that might have occurred before "Kirby and the Amazing Mirror." Looking back at it now, the story was pretty terrible with flaws such as a contrived plot and bad characters. Currently, I am interested in how other authors interpret Meta Knight and how they write him as a character, so this story definitely caught my eye when it was released.

First, let's talk about a BIG issue that, in my opinion, is a widespread bad habit that MANY authors (including myself, at one point in time) make, and this problem is in this story: author's notes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ALL author's notes are bad. I think they're acceptable if they're listing credits or special thanks, or if they're thanking the reader at the final chapter of the story for reading. What I have a problem with is little side comments that authors make at the beginning or the end of the story. Let's look at an example of these side comments, shall we?

"Vague, I know. Super vague. I think a lot of this was me trying to get into Meta Knight's character, especially since I'm not used to writing first person present-tense like this. How'd I do?"

That was completely unnecessary. Ok, I may be coming off as harsh here, as I don't want to attack the author personally or emotionally (keep in mind I said that MANY authors do or used to do this). But these kinds of side comments kind of ruin the tension that the story builds up. The ending of the prologue "What do you see?" is a powerful ending, however, the impact of it is significantly dulled due to this side comment. The purpose of this side comment was for the author to ask the reader to review their story. Authors don't need to ask readers for reviews especially on FFN; passionate authors on this site care about helping out others with their creative works. Reviews will come naturally.

Ok, I'm done ranting. I didn't mean to attack the author by writing that, I just kinda wanted to get that off my chest, since it has been annoying me for quite some time, and as I said earlier, many authors do this. I will not dock any points because of the side comments. I will only increase or decrease the number of points based on the story itself.

Anyway, the prologue. I really liked it, to say the least. The hook could be better. If I was writing it, I would start it with the "I am not suicidal" quote and I would also change the description/synopsis at the top of the story. However, besides that, the prologue is pretty good. It balances humor with seriousness pretty effectively. I also like how Meta Knight is written. It seems to be written in a very personal way like he is talking to himself. To me, that means that the first-person, present-tense writing style is working.

Next, let's talk about the first chapter. Again, another pretty good section of the story. I may sound like a broken record, but the side comments at the beginning and the end kinda ruin it. Besides that, it is pretty good. Seeing Meta Knight as a young adult is pretty interesting, and seeing his friends is also interesting as well. Subtle things such as the nectarberry supply decreasing was another interesting part of the story. Nothing much to say here, just a pretty enjoyable read.

Lastly, let's talk about the (current) latest chapter: the second one. I must say that I was surprised by the reveal at the end of this chapter (no spoilers, of course) and I thought it was pretty clever. Also, I like the worldbuilding that was going on in the background, and I hope that the world that this story takes place in is developed more and more in future chapters. I am also interested in the characters and I want to know what's going to happen. This means that the story, so far, is a success.

To conclude, I think that this story is pretty good so far. There are several grammatical errors
1/1/2019 c2 10TechnoDee
Urilia doesn't seem like much of a maniac. For now. We hide behind the for now barrier.

There are a lot of elements between both the anime and gameverse, and I can really only think of Nightmare's... big dumb building. I can't remember its name. Or they're aliens, so the new Star Warriors office branch or something. I would still go for the former considering the dark theme of the story, but you know. Star Warriors are just glorified aliens.
12/31/2018 c3 1lovervalentine555
I lovin’ the story! I’m starting where this is going. I just figure out why some stuff in Chapter 1 is important... Oh dear lord the ending is going to be sad!
12/17/2018 c1 10TechnoDee
What do I see? I see Sailor Waddle Dee in the tags. No, that's not why I clicked. Really...

Hmm, I don't know. I like it! Interesting Meta Knight backstory fics are few and far between. Interesting backstory fics are few and far between in general, actually. "Meta Knight is a demon beast with a tragic backstory" is a bit overused, but this one seems a bit different? Somehow? It's interesting? And rape? What are you planning? dont do this?

Well, I'll be following this to see how it goes!
11/18/2018 c1 metadee
What do I see?

...I actually have no idea. Wait, no, I do. I see... potential. This story has the potential of successfully developing an incredibly complex character with a dark, twisted past that is portrayed through good storytelling. However, this story also has the potential of being a colossal failure by making an unrealistic, unrelatable character combined with an overly contrived past with subject matter that is handled very poorly.

How do I know this?

There are creepypastas, like Clockwork: Your Time is Up, that develop a character with a dark past. However, there is one problem with the story that I just mentioned.

It was a complete pile of garbage.

There was subject matter like rape that was in the story, and it was handled incredibly poorly. So poorly, in fact, that it was almost like a giant middle finger to actual victims of rape. Topics like abuse were also handled poorly. Not only that, the storytelling was plain awful.

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t use subject matter such as rape. If it’s handled with utmost care and respect, then it’s fine. It’s just that it must be handled with respect.

I didn’t say the above to scare you away from continuing this story. I said it so that you can fully realize the task that you are going to try to accomplish. The writing itself of the prologue was pretty good, but like I said, because you are going to write about troubling things, you must handle them with care. Don’t imitate the bad creepypastas, just try to be as original as possible and make absolute sure that there is a reason for everything to happen in the story. After hearing about stories that are absolute garbage that have to do with serious subject matter, I really hope this one is going to be exceptional. Like I said, I’m only writing this so that you can understand the magnitude of the potential of this story.

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