for God of Swords: How a Sword is Forged1/25/2019 c1 Guest
P.S. :Why would the Magecrafts established on a Foundation made AFTER the end of the Age of God's still work, when the Magecraft founded on Shirou's soul, his very being and nothing else, no longer work ?
P.S. :Why would the Magecrafts established on a Foundation made AFTER the end of the Age of God's still work, when the Magecraft founded on Shirou's soul, his very being and nothing else, no longer work ?
1/25/2019 c1 Guest
So why did you butcher EMIYA's character by making him suddenly NOT agree with UBW Shirou, something that is highly important to the narrative, the entire reason he's finally happy again at the end of UBW ? And unless your prose is so bad I didn't actually get it correctly, WHY does Shirou killing EMIYA result in a Paradox, when if you think about it for 2 minutes it wouldn't make any kind of Paradox, since Shirou killing EMIYA can still grow up to become EMIYA to be killed by Shirou ? AND FINALLY, WHY is EMIYA suddenly from the UBW route, despite the fact Nasu has said in interview that EMIYA comes from none of the Routes in the game, and that how his War happened was similar to the FATE Route, except he didn't "save" Saber ?
To give you credit, this is miles better than all the shitty Troll!Zelretch fics, but I don't think I'll be able to enjoy a story with such a wonky start. Goodbye and good luck
So why did you butcher EMIYA's character by making him suddenly NOT agree with UBW Shirou, something that is highly important to the narrative, the entire reason he's finally happy again at the end of UBW ? And unless your prose is so bad I didn't actually get it correctly, WHY does Shirou killing EMIYA result in a Paradox, when if you think about it for 2 minutes it wouldn't make any kind of Paradox, since Shirou killing EMIYA can still grow up to become EMIYA to be killed by Shirou ? AND FINALLY, WHY is EMIYA suddenly from the UBW route, despite the fact Nasu has said in interview that EMIYA comes from none of the Routes in the game, and that how his War happened was similar to the FATE Route, except he didn't "save" Saber ?
To give you credit, this is miles better than all the shitty Troll!Zelretch fics, but I don't think I'll be able to enjoy a story with such a wonky start. Goodbye and good luck
1/11/2019 c1 
2KiroZen
Hah.
Never tempt E-Rank Luck, for it always prevails against thee at the worst of times.
2KiroZenHah.
Never tempt E-Rank Luck, for it always prevails against thee at the worst of times.
1/8/2019 c2 LMaltez
Why would he try to teach her? He doesn't know how people really use magic in that world nor does he know if Magic Circuits even exist there (I doubt it do exist) and aside from how to fight and perhaps runes (if he figure out how to make her be able to use magic as magic from both worlds is used in completely different ways like the need to have Magic Circuits to create a artificial magical energy opposed to the ability to control mist) the latter of which would take simple too much time to master to be really useful and that's not even counting her ADHD which would most likely make learning about runes almost impossible.
Why is MC trying to use that aria? That's the aria used by Counter Guardian EMIYA to use the Reality Marble Unlimited Blade Works but he is no longer said person and considering that not only the quantity but also the quality of his circuits changed the change in his soul should be big enough for him to know that already, hard to believe there wasn't any change in his Inner World because of that too...
Why would he try to teach her? He doesn't know how people really use magic in that world nor does he know if Magic Circuits even exist there (I doubt it do exist) and aside from how to fight and perhaps runes (if he figure out how to make her be able to use magic as magic from both worlds is used in completely different ways like the need to have Magic Circuits to create a artificial magical energy opposed to the ability to control mist) the latter of which would take simple too much time to master to be really useful and that's not even counting her ADHD which would most likely make learning about runes almost impossible.
Why is MC trying to use that aria? That's the aria used by Counter Guardian EMIYA to use the Reality Marble Unlimited Blade Works but he is no longer said person and considering that not only the quantity but also the quality of his circuits changed the change in his soul should be big enough for him to know that already, hard to believe there wasn't any change in his Inner World because of that too...
12/23/2018 c2 3Ash the Aura Guardian
I think you have an interesting concept and some good ideas, but your grammar needs some serious work. I'd highly recommend working with a good Beta Reader, since they'll be able to help you with your sentences and grammatical errors.
3Ash the Aura GuardianI think you have an interesting concept and some good ideas, but your grammar needs some serious work. I'd highly recommend working with a good Beta Reader, since they'll be able to help you with your sentences and grammatical errors.
12/23/2018 c2 Guest
This story is bad. From a multitude of misspellings to incorrect grammar and punctuation. Alongside that is the usage of fanon prevalent crutches such as “by the root” and other colloquialisms not associated with canon. Finally is the tone, the personality, and speech patterns of the characters. They don’t feel anywhere near what would be logical or sensible. The rhetoric of a primordial, a being older than the titans, is so butchered it’s not even funny. Not to mention the frequency said primordial pops in to commentate is stupid and detracting. There’s a lot more that could be said, but I’m losing my train of thought and don’t want to waste anymore time and energy on this. You’re obviously either a very new or amateur writer, so I’ll say this. Either spend more time than you are reviewing the materials you’re basing this fic on and also reviewing your own rhetoric and grammar/spelling, or find people who are very well experienced in those aspects to help you.
This story is bad. From a multitude of misspellings to incorrect grammar and punctuation. Alongside that is the usage of fanon prevalent crutches such as “by the root” and other colloquialisms not associated with canon. Finally is the tone, the personality, and speech patterns of the characters. They don’t feel anywhere near what would be logical or sensible. The rhetoric of a primordial, a being older than the titans, is so butchered it’s not even funny. Not to mention the frequency said primordial pops in to commentate is stupid and detracting. There’s a lot more that could be said, but I’m losing my train of thought and don’t want to waste anymore time and energy on this. You’re obviously either a very new or amateur writer, so I’ll say this. Either spend more time than you are reviewing the materials you’re basing this fic on and also reviewing your own rhetoric and grammar/spelling, or find people who are very well experienced in those aspects to help you.
12/23/2018 c2 7Paxloria
Pretty good chapter.
Theres some small problemes with saying 'we' when you mean 'I' or like happened in the previous chapter of saying stuff like " ...I will learn what he needs..." instead of "I will learn what I need.." and such like.
Popularity wise you are doing prety good.
Even though you've only written 2 chapters, you have 59 reviews.
I wrote a FATE/STAY NIGHT & KUROSHITSUJI crossover that has 8 chapters, but so far only 28 reviews. So the difference in popularity is obvious. Then again mine is the first & only crossover of those two right now so I guess no one else is giving it any thought.
O once did a crossover with HARRY POTTER and that got a lot of reviews pretty quick. I think its because HARRY POTTER is VERY popular.
So anyway, I guess that in this story, instead of being a boy named Percy the child of Posiden is a girl named Penelope.
Say...
Now that Penelope has that necklace, doesn't that mean that there is now no need for her mother to keep company/marry/date guys who are worthless creeps?
Anyway, marry christmass & a Happy New YeaR!
good luck with the writting.
7PaxloriaPretty good chapter.
Theres some small problemes with saying 'we' when you mean 'I' or like happened in the previous chapter of saying stuff like " ...I will learn what he needs..." instead of "I will learn what I need.." and such like.
Popularity wise you are doing prety good.
Even though you've only written 2 chapters, you have 59 reviews.
I wrote a FATE/STAY NIGHT & KUROSHITSUJI crossover that has 8 chapters, but so far only 28 reviews. So the difference in popularity is obvious. Then again mine is the first & only crossover of those two right now so I guess no one else is giving it any thought.
O once did a crossover with HARRY POTTER and that got a lot of reviews pretty quick. I think its because HARRY POTTER is VERY popular.
So anyway, I guess that in this story, instead of being a boy named Percy the child of Posiden is a girl named Penelope.
Say...
Now that Penelope has that necklace, doesn't that mean that there is now no need for her mother to keep company/marry/date guys who are worthless creeps?
Anyway, marry christmass & a Happy New YeaR!
good luck with the writting.
12/23/2018 c1 Paxloria
It stared off in a way that made me want to ignore and not give a chance. But after i skipped ahead past the 1st section of the beginning and got to the actual story, I thought: THIS IS PRETTY GOOD!
~ Though I don't get why some primordial goddess from another reality found out about Shirou in the first place or why she amorphiously bound to him and sharing head space instead of them just having an open mental connection.
It stared off in a way that made me want to ignore and not give a chance. But after i skipped ahead past the 1st section of the beginning and got to the actual story, I thought: THIS IS PRETTY GOOD!
~ Though I don't get why some primordial goddess from another reality found out about Shirou in the first place or why she amorphiously bound to him and sharing head space instead of them just having an open mental connection.
12/23/2018 c1 2Roxas902
Hey, I'm enjoying this so far, but I'd just like to point out a bad piece of fanon that is unfortunately extremely common in Fate fanfiction on this site that you also used. All these statements of 'by the root' or 'in the root's name' etc are not something anyone has ever said nor would ever say in the type moon franchises. Don't quote me on this, but I believe the whole 'by the root' thing came from Third Fang's "From Fake Dreams", and just spread from here to the point that it is now extremely prevalent. Sorry if I'm being a bit militant about this, but for whatever reason this little bit of fanon annoys me more than pretty much anything else, and every time I see the phrase while I'm reading I physically wince.
2Roxas902Hey, I'm enjoying this so far, but I'd just like to point out a bad piece of fanon that is unfortunately extremely common in Fate fanfiction on this site that you also used. All these statements of 'by the root' or 'in the root's name' etc are not something anyone has ever said nor would ever say in the type moon franchises. Don't quote me on this, but I believe the whole 'by the root' thing came from Third Fang's "From Fake Dreams", and just spread from here to the point that it is now extremely prevalent. Sorry if I'm being a bit militant about this, but for whatever reason this little bit of fanon annoys me more than pretty much anything else, and every time I see the phrase while I'm reading I physically wince.