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for A Rose over a shallow grave

1/15/2019 c7 22Luckenhaft
Today Jaune learns Ruby helped Boone eliminate an old THOT. Then they help Six dispose of a couple of smelly rotten corpses by sending them into the great beyond.

Also Jaune's reaction to being confused for Ruby's husband is a bit much for a guy who considers her just a friend. I am okay with some Lancaster teasing.

Jaune apparently doesn't like robots. There goes Ruby's dreams of a Nuts, Dolts, and Dunces OT3.

"... is Ruby friends with every robot or am I invisible to her?" Speaking of Nuts... Have you met Penny, Jaune? I have a feeling she'd find your bad pick up lines and awkwardness, funny and charming. Though I attribute that working towards your advantage due to Penny's eccentricities.

Really though I think Ruby would be ecstatic if her first friend and her friend who isn't friends with her by obligation of not causing turmoil within the team. (Glances at Weiss.)

Honestly what could stop Jaune and Penny from getting along great?

Pyrrha: Me. I would be what would stop them from getting along. I have enough potential competition for Jaune's affection already. (Glares at a confused Ruby and Velvet, and an annoyed Weiss. The girls I think are most often shipped with him besides Pyrrha.)

Weiss: You can have the dork. (Her expression turns pleading.) Please.

Velvet: For some reason people ship me and Jaune. Which isn't as weird as being shipped with that asshat Cardin or Coco.

Ruby: Me and Jaune are just friends. Why do you not like Penny?

Pyrrha: (Pauses in thought.) Hmmm...

Cue flashback to PvP.

The actual reason Pyrrha scrapped Penny.

Penny: Hi there, I'm Penny. Your that Jaune guy's partner, right?

Pyrrha: (Frowns.) Yeah.

Penny: (Has an ecstatic grin.) Cool, he's pretty funny. I met up with him a bit before the match but didn't think to ask for his Scroll number. Do you think you could give it to me after this match is over?

Pyrrha: (Narrows her eyes and grits her teeth as an unhinged look comes onto her face.) 'Oh hell no! That dork knight is mine, bitch!'

Penny: Anyway, I have a feeling this will be fun.

5 minutes later...


Is the sound of Penny's now limbless, and headless body made after Pyrrha used the metal strings that connect Penny to her swords to strangle her until her arms and legs popped off. And for a good measure, Pyrrha used her shield to decapitate Penny. Penny's head stared at her body for a moment whilst small arcs of electricity sputtered out of her neck.

Penny: I was wrong -BZZT!- This wasn't fun at all. -BZZT!-

From the stands Team RWBY, and JNPR (minus the P) stared in horror (and in Nora's case: arousal due to Pyrrha breaking Penny's legs.) at Pyrrha's handiwork.

Ruby: (Crying whilst glaring furiously.) Penny you liar! You said this would be fun!

Pyrrha: (Steps away from Penny's body and drops her psychotic look and adopts a horrified one whilst covering her mouth.) Oh no! What have I done!? Why didn't anyone tell me Penny was a robot?

Jaune: Pyrrha! Three things!

Pyrrha: (Turns to Jaune and notes Weiss is sitting next to him, so she shoots Weiss a glare whilst nodding to Penny's body.) Yes, Jaune my dear partner who I will destroy anyone who lays a hand on you or looks at you in a way I don't like.

Weiss frowns having gotten the message and scoots a few inches away from the leader of JNPR.

Jaune: 1. Your feigned horror at having killed Penny doesn't work when I can see that smug grin your doing a terrible job of hiding.

Pyrrha: (Frowns whilst stopping with hiding her now gone grin.) Okay.

Jaune: 2. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't matter if your a robot or not, your pretty much dead when your head comes off. Which the fact that you went the extra mile to do that after removing Penny's limbs will make it really hard to sell the idea you didn't intend to kill Penny.

Pyrrha: (Nods whilst ignoring the murderous look Ruby is giving her.) 'Is it me or is Ruby's eyes glowing ominously.'

Pyrrha would be unaware to Ruby's own thoughts on how she intends to roasts the Champion for dismantling the little red reaper's toy friend. Ruby was unaware that she wasn't the only one planning to do that to Pyrrha, but Ruby would make it a point of swearing revenge on Cinder for roasting Pyrrha before Ruby could avenge Penny. It would be that shared desire for revenge on Cinder for roasting that would ultimately make the Lancaster Ship canon in this skit's universe. Though Jaune would be surprised to find out Ruby's reason for avenging Pyrrha was vastly different from his own. But back to Jaune telling Pyrrha off.

Pyrrha: And the 3rd thing, Jaune?

Jaune: Don't bother with being freaked out about killing someone. (Develops a very smug grin.) I didn't lose any sleep over helping Coco, Velvet, and Nora murder the shit out of Cardin and his team.

Nora: (Glares at her clueless leader.) Fearless leader! You weren't supposed to tell anyone about how I broke Cardin and his teammate's legs off and used them for target practice along with Coco and Velvet after you got them to chase you to the edge of the Emerald Forest for talking smack about how Cardin's mom cheated on his dad with a well hung female hyena Faunus. (This has been a reference to Jaune's Pet Tiger and other One-Shots.)

Jaune: (Turns to Nora whilst Ignoring Yang, and Weiss facepalming, Blake wondering why Jaune knows so much about the anatomy of female hyena Faunuses, and Ruby's muttered comment: So that's why those guys stopped showing up on the show.) Dang it, Nora! What's going to come out of your mouth next? The fact that we then had Velvet infiltrate a White Fang base to dispose of the remains of their bodies by sticking them into the mystery meat.

This was being televised to all of Vale and the other Kingdoms, as evidenced by Adam doing a spit take on the mystery meat he was eating a moment ago whilst wondering why it tasted so good and further supported by Coco and Velvet who were now regretting having ever worked together with Jaune and Nora whilst making plans to get out of Beacon before the cops come get them.

Cinder Fall was also watching all this and turned to Emerald Sustrai.

Cinder Fall: Good thinking convincing that blonde idiot that robot girl would be very susceptible to his bad pick up lines.

Emerald: (Has a proud grin.) I got that Champion to scrap the robot without even having to use my Semblance.

Mercury: (Shoots Emerald an annoyed look.) Can we get to the Fall of Beacon already? Or do you want Cinder to praise you some more for taking advantage of how clingy and psychotic that Nikos girl is? (To that Emerald shoots him an annoyed glare back.)

Cinder: (Nods whilst getting up from her seat.) Mercury's right, we should hurry along to ruining everyone's lives. Beacon's Fall begins now!

And let's end this flashback to PvP here.

Pyrrha: (Deep in thought.) ...

Ruby: (Stares in exasperation at the Champion who hasn't said anything since the flashback started and was just staring off into space.) Well?

Pyrrha: (Blinks.) She said Athens was cooler than Sparta.

Weiss: You don't even know what either of those things are!

Pyrrha: And yet I was still offended by the absurd notion. (Shrugs.)

Velvet: 'Am I the only one besides Pyrrha who saw that flashback?'

The end.

Back to the review.

I hope Jaune, Ruby, or Six eventually find out what befell everyone from Chris's Vault and tell him about it. It sucks you can't do that. He'd either get a kick out of the news or be pissed you told him something so horrible happened to the people he grew up with. (I'm a horrible person.)

And finally for this review: Another skit. Though this one's shorter. I hope.

Chris: (Sneers at a tearful Ruby.) You have got to be the ugliest Smoothskin, I have ever seen. (Steps away from her.) If your coming down with something, please die away from me. I don't want to catch your ugly.

Jaune: (See's Ruby is crying now and glares at Chris before stepping up to him.) You know what, Chris!?

Chris: (Turns his upturned snarl to Jaune.) What, Smoothskin?

Jaune: Your so ugly that... (Pauses in thought whilst Chris develops a smirk.) That your...

Chris: Don't have an aneurism trying to come up with something witty, Smoothskin.

Jaune: (Blinks as realization comes to him recalling something this guy said to his friend back at the Mojave Outpost bar.) Chris, your so ugly that you look like... (Pauses before clearing his threat whilst donning a confident grin.) Freddy Kreuger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah!

Chris: (Eyes widen as he recoils as if physically struck.) What!?

Ruby: (Gasps at the language and imagery Jaune used in his words.) Gasps!

ED-E: Beep beep! [TRANSLATION: Oh snap!] (Pauses in though going over what he just beeped.) Beep boop beep boop. [TRANSLATION: Why did I say That? And what's with little red meatbag gasping and then saying gasps?]

Jaune: (Advances on Chris who retreats a step.) Your so ugly that you look like an avocado fucked an older, more disgusting avocado.

Chris: Stop! (Retreats another step only to back into a wall.)

Jaune: (Gets within arms reach of Chris.) Not gently. Like hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis they could find without violence.

Chris: (Feels tears coming to his eyes as his legs shake.) Please stop! I'm sorry for talking shit about your girlfriend.

Jaune: (Ignores Ruby's blush but resolves to Press her about it later for a potential Lancaster shipping moment.) You need to wear a mask my friend. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry... (Leans over Chris who has slumped to the floor and is sobbing into his hands.) You are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.

Six: (Woke up to this.) Like a testicle with teeth.

Chris: Somebody make him stop.

Jaune: You will die alone. I mean, if you die being a Ghoul and all apparently. Ideally, for everyone's sake.

Ruby: (Shakes off the blush.) Chris is pretty ugly. Even by Ghoul standards. I wonder what he is going to do after he and the other Ghoul's following Jason Bright go to the Great Beyond.

Jaune: (Turns to Ruby and ignores the sobbing mess that was Chris.) It's obvious what he should do, Ruby.

Ruby: What is it?

Jaune: (Grins savagely.) Star in horror films.

Ruby: (Blinks.) What?

Jaune: Chris should star in his own horror films. He'll be the next big nasty looking movie monster after that clown who hides in storm drains waiting for kids to peek in.

Six: (Nods.) That's not actually a bad ideal.

Jason Bright: (Shoots Jaune an annoyed look.) Can you please go. You roasted our Chris so bad I'm surprised he hasn't turned into a Glowing One like me.

Cue air horns as a cap with the words: badass mofo are written on it in bold drops on Jaune's head whilst he puts on some shades. And lastly Ruby makes it rain caps around Jaune.

Six shoots Jaune an annoyed look whilst he is preening, thinking about how he is going to have to pick up those caps before someone else filched them.

The end! Again.

And with that I'm calling it quits on this review.

I a
1/14/2019 c7 3Mr.Green37
Victor is best robot companion.
1/13/2019 c6 LitchKing788
I just read though and I’m hooked this is an amazing crossover cause I love both. But you have me confused on who you would be so mean to as to have them being lobotomized in big mountain. Can you little ol me a hint... please;)
1/5/2019 c6 Guest
They may have a chance of returning back to Remnant if they go to the Big Empty as they brains their may have the capability to find a way back for them.
1/7/2019 c6 5RedShirt1453
Story Review Time!

Now that I’ve finally caught up I can do a full up to date review on your story.

Pros: excellent humorous dialog, great characterization, good character development, appropriate pace.

Cons: I’m gonna go out on a gamble and assume English isn’t your first language. Reason why is that your spelling is pretty bad (Oof). Words like accept are replaced with except and while with why’ll. These example are wrong and are getting very noticeable to the point they are hurting the flow of your story. Good news though is that your sentence structure is mostly correct and you do not need to rewrite the whole sentence just replace the words. An easy way to fix this is by getting a BETA or an editor. I’ve used them in the past as I cannot recall the entirety of 5th grade meaning I can’t use a comma for shit. I’d be happy to help you if you wish or you could look for one from the BETA section on this website.
1/6/2019 c3 RedShirt1453
Lol everyone keeps thinking Ruby is The Couriers daughter. He is the right age sort of.
1/6/2019 c6 22Luckenhaft
Today Six ditches Ruby and Jaune to help some Ghouls go to space. Maybe they can give Jaune and Ruby a ride home.

There was also poking fun at ED-E's inability to commune with anyone besides Six and something about Dat Gum. Dat Gun? Gat Dun? I can't remember what it's name is supposed to be.

Also Ruby helps Boone murder a bitch, and gets some good advice on how to deal with being a killer. Which is vaguely similar to my analogy on the matter in settings like this: In order to save the body, you have to cut off the tumor carrying limb.

Also there was something about a guy telling Six to go home. Wherever that is supposed to be.

And Boone won't be joining the party until Jaune, (SPOILER), and (SPOILER) leave Ruby and Six to let them rob a casino. Which should be around the time this story hits puberty.

Next time on Ruby's Wacky Wasteland Adventures: Six shoots for the moon, Jaune and Ruby befriend a walking nightlight whose name makes me think of Jason Bourne, and a Human 'Ghoul' gets some sense bitch slapped into him by Six. Also ED-E is surrounded by dumb meatbags which isn't a new development.

I a
1/6/2019 c2 5RedShirt1453
1/5/2019 c6 3Mr.Green37
God I feel so sorry for Craig Boone. Guys like that, you have to ask what sin did they commit in a past life to have their happiness yanked from them.

And I am a firm supporter of Robert Edwin House. Please don't kill him. Pretty please. With strippers on top. :)
12/26/2018 c5 negimafanman
ah Vulpes i always enjoy killing him and all his men, so much money early on and good weapons for your level and usually a level up so much profit

good job Ruby now kill Ceaser by launching him off his mountain camp like i did and i'll proud of you
12/23/2018 c5 Mr.Green37
Kinda sucks that Vulpes isn't going to appear more often. He was a sick bastard but a smart one.

Also, the House always wins.
12/22/2018 c5 12Captaindrake123
Do I think Ruby should have been yelled at? Yes. She could've easily gotten them all killed.

Do I think what she did was wrong? Hell no, the bastards had it coming. She just needed A LOT more tact.

I like where your taking this story, although I do hope Six gets time to get to know the two better, and them with him in turn.
12/21/2018 c5 22Luckenhaft
Now back to Ruby's descent into madness.

Today Team Six's era swatted an insect of unusual size who murdered two idiots who were fighting over some unusual bottlecaps. Also Jaune and Ruby learned where most of the nice stuff they and Six have and will be getting come from. Cue flash forward to when Veronica joins the party.

Veronica: Six, this dress is beautiful! If you had chosen to play as a girl, I would kiss you.

Six: (Curses under his breathe.) Damn it. Fem Six gets all the ladies. This is just like Mass Effect.

Blake: 'What is it with people in this wasteland and breaking the 4th Wall?‘

Weiss: (Stares at the dress in disgust.) It has a bloodstain the size of a Bloatfly on it!

Veronica: (Shrugs.) That can be washed out with some Abraxo and a functioning washing machine I'll be fixing up and having Pyrrha carry around for us with her Semblance when we find her.

Meanwhile in the middle of a pile of dead Legionaires, Pyrrha felt like someone is plotting to make her the Lydia of this story. Pyrrha resolved to curbstomp whoever is entertaining such foolishness and let them know that Pyrrha has not sworn to carry anyone's burdens. Pyrrha then returned to smacking around Legionaires with her new weapon: Legate Lanius's unconscious body.

Now back to our favorite idiots.

Jaune: (Stares at the dress with a disturbed look.) That dress smells familiar. Like old ladies.

Weiss: (Gives Jaune an annoyed look.) I don't want to know how you know what old lady smells like.

Veronica: (Smirks.) I'll get some air freshener, if smelling like your middle school prom date bothers you so much.

Jaune: (Grins.) Ha! Shows what you know, my middle school prom date was my sister!

Weiss: (Facepalms.) That's not something to be bragging about you dunce! (Shudders remembering when her father made her chaperone Whitley to his middle school prom. Little freak had the nerve to try and grab a hand full of ass. Not that there was much to grab.) 'Little shit had the nerve to complain to father about me bitch-slapping him for that.'

Jaune: (His smile drops.) Your probably right, sis ditched me midway through the dance to make out with her girlfriend.

Ruby: (Scowls.) I got stuck with uncle Qrow for my middle school prom. He spiked the punch bowl with Whiskey, got everyone drunk, flirted with the prom queen, punched out the prom king for stealing his queen, got really depressed remembering how aunt Raven stole away his Beacon prom date AKA mom, and started singing a really bad love song he wrote to win mom back from aunt Raven to everyone. It was the worst night of my life.

Veronica: I'm starting to think I'm lucky for being born into a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

All eyes turned to Blake who stared back before sighing.

Blake: Adam blew up the gymnasium for not making us prom queen and king to drive home a point about Faunas-Human equality. Which went over everyone's heads considering this school was in Menagerie and was entirely staffed and taught only Faunas. (Sighs and shakes her head.) I don't even want to know why he brought explosives to the dance in the first place or what he was going to do with them if we were made prom queen and king.

Six: Let's shelve this trip down memory lane for later and get back to catching Zwei so we can stick his brain in Rex to make Jaune's boyfriend happy. (Ignores Ruby and Weiss's developing glares, Jaune's flustered face, Veronica's amused grin, and Blake's blush, distant look, and disturbing smile.) 'What am I doing with my life?'

Jaune: He's not my boyfriend, I just really admire how awesome he is and want to learn from him. Blake wipe that nosebleed from your face, it is not a man-crush!

Next time on Ruby's Wacky Wasteland Adventures: The King finds his Lancelot and resolves to keep him away from his Guinevere lest he brings Camelot to ruin again. #LancelotIsTheWorst

In other news Jaune and Ruby's Speech Skill is not high enough to bullshit Six.

Also Ruby and Jaune meet the Legion and say fuck it to emulating Kazuma 'Never killed a man' Kiryu. (There's something you should look up on YouTube if you want to be baffled, and remember: Daddy Kiryu never canonically killed anyone despite overwhelming evidence saying otherwise.)

Next chapter: The 'most cheerful and exuberant' man in the wasteland joins Team Era of 6's party. Also Jaune and Ruby find a friend.

I a
12/16/2018 c4 Luckenhaft
Now back to Benny gets visited by the Reaper and the Mailman. (And their flying toaster.)

Today Ruby, Six, ED-E encountered the Dork Knight Defective. Go Team 6ERA!

Next chapter Red Riding Reaper and Juniperman go to Nipton and meet the Lawless Legion and really struggle with maintaining resolve to stick to their zero-kill run that is a dumb way to make a Fallout game more challenging since all those people you don't kill are unrepentant about their crimes against other people of the wasteland and you showing them mercy won't give them any motive to reconsider their lives or help the good people of the wasteland.

So basically if you want to play a Fallout game where you are the most evil person in the game, don't kill anyone.

Those zero kill challenge runners are the worse. Especially when they think having a Companion do all the murder for them, absolves them of any guilt.

So conversely the most heroic way to play a Fallout game is to help everyone escape the hellish wasteland by murdering them.

Or maybe I'm just bananas. It's probably that.

I a
12/15/2018 c4 2Justus80
It’s good to see jaune but I’m still worried about the rest of JNPR and RWBY I hope you don’t send one with the legionars cause that would not be good for any of them.
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