for Empire of Zero7/27/2021 c4 Guest
I’m loving the story so far. There’s just one thing I want to comment on. Lousie is still Louise and I doubt she would appreciate *her* familiars always acting so brashly without thought of the situation. Even with their good intentions things could’ve gotten out of hand both times they interfered without talking beforehand. I feel Louise should show more control over them and I think they as veteran soldiers would respect their superior’s, Louise’s, wishes/decisions.
I’m loving the story so far. There’s just one thing I want to comment on. Lousie is still Louise and I doubt she would appreciate *her* familiars always acting so brashly without thought of the situation. Even with their good intentions things could’ve gotten out of hand both times they interfered without talking beforehand. I feel Louise should show more control over them and I think they as veteran soldiers would respect their superior’s, Louise’s, wishes/decisions.
10/3/2020 c2 
5PoofyOhio
I don’t want to be an asshole, but this is bad. The idea itself is good, but dear lord the writing is awful. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but it’s still not good.
What’s with the fucking dots in-between paragraphs? It’s not only distracting, it’s also incredibly annoying.
The present tense of the writing makes it feel like a script instead of a story.
The characters make absurdly massive leaps in logic no sane human being would make.
The sheer amount of exposition makes everything drag on and on and on. Making a chapter feel like an eternity.
The characters act incredibly outside of their established personalities, and even those without established anything act fuckin strange.
Half of what’s here is just fucking authors notes or a codex entry.
I do not recommend reading this story at all.
5PoofyOhioI don’t want to be an asshole, but this is bad. The idea itself is good, but dear lord the writing is awful. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but it’s still not good.
What’s with the fucking dots in-between paragraphs? It’s not only distracting, it’s also incredibly annoying.
The present tense of the writing makes it feel like a script instead of a story.
The characters make absurdly massive leaps in logic no sane human being would make.
The sheer amount of exposition makes everything drag on and on and on. Making a chapter feel like an eternity.
The characters act incredibly outside of their established personalities, and even those without established anything act fuckin strange.
Half of what’s here is just fucking authors notes or a codex entry.
I do not recommend reading this story at all.
4/14/2020 c1 1NerdLord2nd
greatly enjoy the story so far. Hope to see more soon. and I'm glad to see people actually having sympathy for louise, pretty sure most of the worst parts of her canon personality come from having had no one to trust for a long time glad to see something done to fix that
1NerdLord2ndgreatly enjoy the story so far. Hope to see more soon. and I'm glad to see people actually having sympathy for louise, pretty sure most of the worst parts of her canon personality come from having had no one to trust for a long time glad to see something done to fix that
2/10/2020 c4 9Lord of Moons
You've put in way too mucg exposition. It's endless monologues. Partly because your characters all machine-gun fire words like NPCs. Seriously, most of what you wrote shouldn't be in the story, but rather hinted at. There's a reason author's keep things hidden and don't reveal until later on. You can't fully comprehend an entire fictional world of your own making. Some of the best authors find that their plots surprise even them. Trying to brute force all the information like this will just tire yourself out. You've nearly 100,000 words and the main plot, or rather what people read your story for, large scale battles, has not even started. I've read stories that finished in half as many pages. It's great quality, but it's like reading a textbook, there's no flow, or art or hidden meaning, just a rigid droning of noise. It's like something regurgitated by an AI, rather than a story with its depth to it. I can understand how you did that. To put it simply, you see ambitious. Your writing skills are lagging behind your information processing skills. That said, I am interested in the plot. Though you've changed the characters and even the base setting, you've also expanded it. I'm not sure what to say really.
9Lord of MoonsYou've put in way too mucg exposition. It's endless monologues. Partly because your characters all machine-gun fire words like NPCs. Seriously, most of what you wrote shouldn't be in the story, but rather hinted at. There's a reason author's keep things hidden and don't reveal until later on. You can't fully comprehend an entire fictional world of your own making. Some of the best authors find that their plots surprise even them. Trying to brute force all the information like this will just tire yourself out. You've nearly 100,000 words and the main plot, or rather what people read your story for, large scale battles, has not even started. I've read stories that finished in half as many pages. It's great quality, but it's like reading a textbook, there's no flow, or art or hidden meaning, just a rigid droning of noise. It's like something regurgitated by an AI, rather than a story with its depth to it. I can understand how you did that. To put it simply, you see ambitious. Your writing skills are lagging behind your information processing skills. That said, I am interested in the plot. Though you've changed the characters and even the base setting, you've also expanded it. I'm not sure what to say really.
2/10/2020 c3 Lord of Moons
What happened to Brimirs portal spell, and the Pope's scry and World Gate spells? Those should have been on the Spacebattles ZNT back to Basics thread since 2016. Though I suppose I can see why you would remove them, it would give an easy way for the current members to go home. Hope you don't remove the tank or boat though...
What happened to Brimirs portal spell, and the Pope's scry and World Gate spells? Those should have been on the Spacebattles ZNT back to Basics thread since 2016. Though I suppose I can see why you would remove them, it would give an easy way for the current members to go home. Hope you don't remove the tank or boat though...
2/9/2020 c2 Lord of Moons
Nobody seems to realise this, but galaxies move, and they move fast. Due to relativity, galaxies far enough apart moving in opposite speeds will experience time differently. There is also the hubble constant, which means the universe is expanding faster than the speed of light. I assure you, identifying if they are in the same universe is impossible if they aren't close enough to spot each others galaxy, and even then it could be a doppelganger galaxy.
Nobody seems to realise this, but galaxies move, and they move fast. Due to relativity, galaxies far enough apart moving in opposite speeds will experience time differently. There is also the hubble constant, which means the universe is expanding faster than the speed of light. I assure you, identifying if they are in the same universe is impossible if they aren't close enough to spot each others galaxy, and even then it could be a doppelganger galaxy.
2/9/2020 c1 Lord of Moons
Well damn. This is good.
A whole army of superskilled Gandalfrs. Considering Saito, even with barely any training was so skilled he could fight off an army of 70,000 with the steel will activated, this army is definetly gonna be complete hax.
And imagine when they Saito gets Tiffa to rune him. An entire army of Lifdrasils including anyone recruited. Louise could probably make Shaitans gate permanent without killing anyone with that. Especially since Lifdrasils is so much more efficient than the Life spell.
As for recruits, I'd recommend that Duke Valliere send over some mageknights and personal guard to protect her after the first battle, they would make a great command unit. And the old centurion won't have his daughter relying on foreigners.
According to the spacebattles ZNT back to Basics thread, Tristan is about the size of Belgium and the rest of the human countries are barely a fraction of Europe. Most of the land is inhabited by Trolls, Orcs and Goblins. Having the Coalition either cross into Germania or Gallia and they could probably establish land for themselves and allow immigrants. This would allow them to avoid the noble problem with their research, without making enemies. Though Gallia would put them in Joseph's eye. Speaking of, Joseph's daughter has a spirit dagger like Derf that can improve the abilities of magic users. It's also evil. A spirit sword is always necessary for a Gandalfr.
Well damn. This is good.
A whole army of superskilled Gandalfrs. Considering Saito, even with barely any training was so skilled he could fight off an army of 70,000 with the steel will activated, this army is definetly gonna be complete hax.
And imagine when they Saito gets Tiffa to rune him. An entire army of Lifdrasils including anyone recruited. Louise could probably make Shaitans gate permanent without killing anyone with that. Especially since Lifdrasils is so much more efficient than the Life spell.
As for recruits, I'd recommend that Duke Valliere send over some mageknights and personal guard to protect her after the first battle, they would make a great command unit. And the old centurion won't have his daughter relying on foreigners.
According to the spacebattles ZNT back to Basics thread, Tristan is about the size of Belgium and the rest of the human countries are barely a fraction of Europe. Most of the land is inhabited by Trolls, Orcs and Goblins. Having the Coalition either cross into Germania or Gallia and they could probably establish land for themselves and allow immigrants. This would allow them to avoid the noble problem with their research, without making enemies. Though Gallia would put them in Joseph's eye. Speaking of, Joseph's daughter has a spirit dagger like Derf that can improve the abilities of magic users. It's also evil. A spirit sword is always necessary for a Gandalfr.
9/16/2019 c3 AbyssWatcher
Great story!This has got to be one of the most unique FOZ stories I've ever seen
Great story!This has got to be one of the most unique FOZ stories I've ever seen
8/7/2019 c3 1Staples McGee Earl of Sussex
What a coincidence, the same day I get E:TW and Darthmod working again, I find this masterpiece.
Apart from my own internal grumbles about your troop choices (Infantry heavy commander here), I'm really enjoying this and really can't wait to see what you're gonna do with it.
On an unrelated note, did you ever consider the experience levels of the troops? I guess it doesn't really work with the way this story is written, but it is a mechanic of all the Total War games, so I'm just curious if you ever thought about it at any point?
1Staples McGee Earl of SussexWhat a coincidence, the same day I get E:TW and Darthmod working again, I find this masterpiece.
Apart from my own internal grumbles about your troop choices (Infantry heavy commander here), I'm really enjoying this and really can't wait to see what you're gonna do with it.
On an unrelated note, did you ever consider the experience levels of the troops? I guess it doesn't really work with the way this story is written, but it is a mechanic of all the Total War games, so I'm just curious if you ever thought about it at any point?
8/4/2019 c1 AcrylicThrone27
This story is amazing. I just wish there where more anime total war crossovers fanfics on this website.
This story is amazing. I just wish there where more anime total war crossovers fanfics on this website.
7/19/2019 c3 Dragon
Awsome story, can’t wait for the next chapter. Might want to just have a chapter dedicated to the unit types/generals instead of having it each chapter, you’re getting my hopes up for more writing when it’s not. Other then that, this has been good
Awsome story, can’t wait for the next chapter. Might want to just have a chapter dedicated to the unit types/generals instead of having it each chapter, you’re getting my hopes up for more writing when it’s not. Other then that, this has been good
7/1/2019 c3 1Loremaster of Kentucky
i like the idea and do hope to see the army in action and mabye the monarch looking over to see how they fair. to see if they are a worthy ally or...threat
1Loremaster of Kentuckyi like the idea and do hope to see the army in action and mabye the monarch looking over to see how they fair. to see if they are a worthy ally or...threat
5/15/2019 c1 Guest
Cool but no one care about spoiling the summary
Cool but no one care about spoiling the summary