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1/3/2019 c19 plm267
My Pokemon recommendations are lucario, Aegislash, alolan ninetails and frostlass

frostlass or Aegislash because you hardly ever see them in fics and to push the ghosts are attracted to vera narrative.

lucario and alolan ninetails because they both have duel typing's that are not in the team yet fighting and fairy.
1/3/2019 c19 BlackWind 34
Maybe an Alolan Vulpix. It will be an ice type and a fairy type when it evolves. Maybe have her find an egg abandoned somewhere or found in area with signs of fighting. Or have her save/rescue the vulpix in some way. How about Mawile who is a steel and fairy pokemon? These are just suggestions that I personally like. Can't wait for your next chapter! Though so sad that you will be going on a hiatus soon. How will I live without your updates?!
1/2/2019 c19 1Lezaroth
Adding a Pokemon? I'd say go for a Clefairy or a Wigglytuff that matches the Mystery Dungeon personality. Fairy Type sounds like a good addition to Velda's team. That's neglecting the rarity of a Clefairy line. Sounds like a fine addition to her team. Besides, a healer on Velda's team may help out.

Then again, they are just a suggestion.
1/2/2019 c19 24ruan-san
I think a pineco/forretress would be an interesting addition to Vel’s team. Or maybe snorunt/glalie?
1/2/2019 c18 Reaper Senpai
The Pokemon interactions with each other are hilarious! I loved the part where Tooothless used Kratos as a gun PEWPEWPEW! I wasn't expecting Tate to have a crush on Velda, but it's pretty funny! Good luck Tate, even if I don't think it'll work out haha!
1/2/2019 c18 Espeon35
Ah puberty, the joy of growing up. Makes me wonder about Velda love life once she gets a little older as Tate shows a spark of interest whose only a year older than her. The battle sense was humorous from many relating influence by Vela training and teaching-especially for toothless. He grows so well under Vela care. I was really amaze how you made a battle of Vela not commanding as she asleep. Her pokemon are definitely well train and protective especially before and after the invasion. Despite of it being long, it very entertaining to read as this chapter focus mainly on Vela pokemon insight of battling.
1/2/2019 c18 BlackWind 34
Oh my god! I can't believe Velda's pokemon did that! And win too! It was incredible! Great Chapter as always!
1/1/2019 c18 3Gildenth
This is the first review I've done for this site. I adore this story for its tone. Serious and complicated at times but it comes back to the wonder I've always dreamed of about the pokemon world. Some of the more brutal stories about pokemon on this site fail to come back to that quick enough in my opinion. The personalities of Vel's family(human and pokemon) are particularly fantastic. Its always a highlight to see how they interact.

Any criticisms I have are silly things like the occasional typos and a desire for more quicker. But of course no pressure. Just the honest admiration for a story I'm enjoying immensely. Thank you for your work. I am a fan and regardless of delays in this story from your courses, I eagerly await what comes.
12/30/2018 c4 Guest
First and foremost, I want to say thank you for sharing your talents and your story with the community. This story has a lot of potential, and it seems like you really do have a passion for writing and I love to see that.

That all being said, I do feel like your writing could use a little feedback. Not a lot and nothing too bad, just some tweaks here and there to help you become the best writer that you can be.

I like that you've put a lot of thought into the people that inhabit the world.
However, when you put too much backstory and exposition in at once, it can really distract from the story itself, and I think that's what's happening here. You're throwi

So while it's great that you have Roxanne and Brawly's entire life stories all figured out, the readers don't necessarily need to know every single detail about that person right away. Write that information down separately from the fic, and keep it close for when the time is right to share that information with the audience.

This is Velda's story. Velda's adventure. Or at least, that's how the story was presented to us.

Is this story supposed to be focused on Velda? Because I really don't know. As of chapter 4, you've given us complete dossiers/trainer profiles on four or five characters that aren't Velda.
If the story is about her, than try to keep the focus on Velda's journey.

A good way to accomplish this is to describe where she is, and how that affects her. For a character who claims she wants to travel and see the world, she's not really focusing too much on the places she is visiting or exploring.

For example, in Chapter 2, Velda's journey takes her to two locations: Petalburg Woods, and the city of Rustboro.

The first mention that you have of Petalburg Woods is when Velda is already halfway through the woods. I liked the story about the Dustox, but at the same time, it's hard for me to imagine the scene because I don't known what Petalburg Woods looks like in your version of the world.

There are over a dozen different types of forests in our world, and in Hoenn, from the look of the games, there seems to be at least two or three different types and they seem to be completely different from the forests of other games.

What is Petalburg Woods like? I don't need to know every type of tree in there, but give me a sense of what it's like to be navigating through the woods.

Is it a dense rainforest, with a canopy so thick that the sun is only visible at high noon, and rich soil teeming with insects and decaying leaves?

Or is it a more temporate forest, with trees thin and tall, allowing for sunlight to reach the ground, allowing for dense foilage to grow and thrive.

What are the paths through the forest like? Are there well established paths for travelers to pass through? Are there paths that are less traveled that go deeper into the forest and are more overgrown with plant life?

What does Velda feel about Petalburg Woods? She's lived her whole second life in proximity to the place.

How well does she know the forest? Did she travel with her family through the woods ever, or was this her first time truly exploring the place?

What paths does Velda take when she enters the forest? Does she take the well-travelled path, on account of her frail body?
Or does she take the somewhat less travelled paths to see more of the forest and test her limits? I'm not saying she would have to take the most difficult path, just an intermediate level path to see if she could do it.

Ask yourself questions about the world your character is in.

Tell us more about what Rustboro is like, what the buildings are like and how Velda reacts to them. That way, it feels more like a part of the world, instead of it just being the location where Roxanne is at.

Just something for you to keep in mind.

Okay, other than the too much exposition, I do like the POV aspect of your story. Having different perspectives is a great storytelling device.

The problem is that you have a tendency to repeat the same information multiple times across POVs.

Take for example, Brawly's POV in Chapter 4. This really needs some streamlining. Not only do you replay the gym battle through Brawly's POV, but then you also have Brawly's recount the battle to Roxanne again. That's 3 times you've described the battle in the same chapter, and that's *after* 2500 words of exposition on Brawly's entire backstory.

You also repeated the information about ghost-types multiple times throughout the chapter.

While there is value in having inner monologue, as well as value in dialogue, having them together like this is unnecessary and redundant, while also being redundant.

Anyways, I hope I don't come off as harsh with my feedback. There is a lot to like about your fic! The nicknames are great, the little moments like with the Dustox, and Velda using the Wingulls as target practice are fantastic, and I really do appreciate all the thought you've put into the characters and technology. I just know that your fic and your writing can be even better, and I want to see it happen.

Definitely a fic I'll keep my eyes on.
12/31/2018 c17 Reaper Senpai
That was pretty good! Happy New Year!
12/30/2018 c17 11Lynxgoddess
Loved the update!
12/30/2018 c17 1Lezaroth
So Courtney, the scariest of the Magma, lives. To be honest, she will cause far more chaos and destruction than Maxie. The only reason she would not do so easily is proper mega, support after the loss of Maxie and no knowledge of Groudon. Sadly, the orbs are not protected and canprobably willbe found at some point. Reading your story so far, I foresee an interesting future. The war is indeed not over yet.

On a side Note... Zinnia? She here?
12/30/2018 c10 11Lynxgoddess
So cute!
12/30/2018 c17 Lynxgoddess
Great story!
12/28/2018 c16 Guest
Awesome chapter Looking forward for next chapter
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