for Two Spies4/29/2021 c1 
50Hammerschlag
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How long have I been gone?! I was only able to find this because Cookie alerted me to your username change!
This is going to take some getting used to, May. Not judging, of course.
15000 words in one chapter. 15K. 1 chapter. Who do you think you are, me?
Alright let's review this properly...
Figures it all comes full circle. Your favorite pairing, extra plot armor for Leila fully included. I've always had a soft spot for stories like this, where every section covers a different part of the characters' lives. This is certainly high tier among your works. Any complaints to be had are all minor nitpicks that don't remotely detract from the overall story.
The length was a bit of a shocker... until I saw just how long your FE3H rewrite is. I'll get around to that some day soon (hopefully). Cookie's been selling it like it's the spiritual successor to Wayward Son in terms of quality. That I've got to see.
50HammerschlagM8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
How long have I been gone?! I was only able to find this because Cookie alerted me to your username change!
This is going to take some getting used to, May. Not judging, of course.
15000 words in one chapter. 15K. 1 chapter. Who do you think you are, me?
Alright let's review this properly...
Figures it all comes full circle. Your favorite pairing, extra plot armor for Leila fully included. I've always had a soft spot for stories like this, where every section covers a different part of the characters' lives. This is certainly high tier among your works. Any complaints to be had are all minor nitpicks that don't remotely detract from the overall story.
The length was a bit of a shocker... until I saw just how long your FE3H rewrite is. I'll get around to that some day soon (hopefully). Cookie's been selling it like it's the spiritual successor to Wayward Son in terms of quality. That I've got to see.
1/18/2019 c1 75COOKIECHEESEMAN
Your 100th fic! Congratulations! Did you ever think you would make it this far? Wait, I almost sound like a final boss or something. Ahem. Anyway, it's all come down to this. Well, maybe not, as you're still gonna continue writing, but I digress. MatthewxLeila is certainly your favourite pairing, and to see you represent them in such a milestone fic in the time when FE13, 14, and FEHeroes rule the Fire Emblem section of Fanfiction is something you should be proud of. I'm so sorry it took me way longer than it should have to get to this fic, so let's not waste anymore time!
I didn't expect to start with a critique, but... I guess I am. :p I understand that you're learning lots in your writing classes, and I've certainly seen huge improvement when I didn't even know you could improve. That being said, once in a while I think you've gotten a little overexcited in word use. Maybe it's just me, but the line "a winning smile, intoxicating like fine wine" is a tad over the top. Especially considering that it's implying the viewpoint of a 10-year-old boy. (yes, I know it's a third person perspective, but I think you know what I mean lol) Now, I know that this was a complete nitpick, and maybe it's just my opinion, but considering the amazing quality of the story itself, a nitpick here and there can only help improve. :D
It's interesting seeing the childhoods of these characters. Most FE stories are focused on the current timeline within the game, or perhaps in the future. Rarely do they focus on the past. As far as I can tell, everything seems within canon, or it sounds so plausible that it could or should be canon. For some reason seeing Matthew tickle Hector is adorable. :D
"It was a shadow of the man that had raised Matthew." This was the line I stopped at during my initial read and during my reread. And I actually view it differently this time. Rereading the fic helped me understand the context of the... context (for lack of a better word) and now I get what you were trying to convey by the line.
Why... is an elderly woman the one who does the Ostian Spy testing?...
I liked the section with Pent and Louise's party. Considering basically every reader knows the story of Pent and Louise, it's always interesting to see how the writer conveys the actual characters' thoughts of them. Noticing Louise's muscles, joking about Pent actually being a decent human being. Though I find it a bit too convenient that Matthew just HAPPENED to be there when the one servant attempts to poison Pent. However, most stories contain fortunate coincidences, including mine, so I shouldn't even be talking. :p
Hmm... bloody bag with a gross bloody hand in it. Yay. :p Kind of a gross mental image, but... it made me go back and read into it some more. And it shows how the Black Fang has already changed into something worse than what it was originally supposed to do. So it gets a pass!
A small side note: I love all these little cameos of other characters, like the brief mentioning of Serra, or even the small confrontation with FE7's worst character, Rath. The small doses of familiarity add to the story, considering so much of it is obviously new, hence the concept of fiction. Obviously the canon and the new have to mesh, or the story seems off, and a good balance was kept throughout the entire story.
And we've got the confrontation between Matthew and Jaffar. We all knew this was coming. It was a great start having Leila actually putting up a fight against Jaffar, but of course she wasn't going to triumph. (although, admittedly, it would have been awesomely epic to have her somehow win on her own, it makes more sense regarding Matthew and Leila's relationship to have him get involved) I ponder how slow as molasses Hector or Oswin could have dealt a debilitating blow to Jaffar, but it was an interesting turn of events; neither of them took him down. It took a third party. And now Jaffar is in the custody of the army, just waiting to become a better man. :D Hopefully this is the last major crisis our two lovebirds will ever have, but it was necessary for them to figure out they truly loved each other.
And... that's the end. Thankfully, you didn't kill off either character in a horribly tragic and twisted turn of events, you gave Astol a tiny bit of closure, (though it may have been a good idea to hear from his point of view at some point in between the last mention of him and the end of the fic) and Matthew's parents get to meet their future daughter in law. Your magnum opus is complete. And with that, I have to say it again: congratulations on your writing career. It's been a long journey. But it's certainly been fulfilling, I'm sure. I've seen you progress on Fanfiction these many years of you being on the site, all the way from the beginning, and all I can say is that I'm proud of you and of what you've become. This fic is certainly a testament to your writing career, and it's definitely your best work by far. Your passion shines through for sure, and I can't wait for even more from you.
Keep on writing, keep on living. And thank you.
10/10 Woo hoo!
75COOKIECHEESEMANYour 100th fic! Congratulations! Did you ever think you would make it this far? Wait, I almost sound like a final boss or something. Ahem. Anyway, it's all come down to this. Well, maybe not, as you're still gonna continue writing, but I digress. MatthewxLeila is certainly your favourite pairing, and to see you represent them in such a milestone fic in the time when FE13, 14, and FEHeroes rule the Fire Emblem section of Fanfiction is something you should be proud of. I'm so sorry it took me way longer than it should have to get to this fic, so let's not waste anymore time!
I didn't expect to start with a critique, but... I guess I am. :p I understand that you're learning lots in your writing classes, and I've certainly seen huge improvement when I didn't even know you could improve. That being said, once in a while I think you've gotten a little overexcited in word use. Maybe it's just me, but the line "a winning smile, intoxicating like fine wine" is a tad over the top. Especially considering that it's implying the viewpoint of a 10-year-old boy. (yes, I know it's a third person perspective, but I think you know what I mean lol) Now, I know that this was a complete nitpick, and maybe it's just my opinion, but considering the amazing quality of the story itself, a nitpick here and there can only help improve. :D
It's interesting seeing the childhoods of these characters. Most FE stories are focused on the current timeline within the game, or perhaps in the future. Rarely do they focus on the past. As far as I can tell, everything seems within canon, or it sounds so plausible that it could or should be canon. For some reason seeing Matthew tickle Hector is adorable. :D
"It was a shadow of the man that had raised Matthew." This was the line I stopped at during my initial read and during my reread. And I actually view it differently this time. Rereading the fic helped me understand the context of the... context (for lack of a better word) and now I get what you were trying to convey by the line.
Why... is an elderly woman the one who does the Ostian Spy testing?...
I liked the section with Pent and Louise's party. Considering basically every reader knows the story of Pent and Louise, it's always interesting to see how the writer conveys the actual characters' thoughts of them. Noticing Louise's muscles, joking about Pent actually being a decent human being. Though I find it a bit too convenient that Matthew just HAPPENED to be there when the one servant attempts to poison Pent. However, most stories contain fortunate coincidences, including mine, so I shouldn't even be talking. :p
Hmm... bloody bag with a gross bloody hand in it. Yay. :p Kind of a gross mental image, but... it made me go back and read into it some more. And it shows how the Black Fang has already changed into something worse than what it was originally supposed to do. So it gets a pass!
A small side note: I love all these little cameos of other characters, like the brief mentioning of Serra, or even the small confrontation with FE7's worst character, Rath. The small doses of familiarity add to the story, considering so much of it is obviously new, hence the concept of fiction. Obviously the canon and the new have to mesh, or the story seems off, and a good balance was kept throughout the entire story.
And we've got the confrontation between Matthew and Jaffar. We all knew this was coming. It was a great start having Leila actually putting up a fight against Jaffar, but of course she wasn't going to triumph. (although, admittedly, it would have been awesomely epic to have her somehow win on her own, it makes more sense regarding Matthew and Leila's relationship to have him get involved) I ponder how slow as molasses Hector or Oswin could have dealt a debilitating blow to Jaffar, but it was an interesting turn of events; neither of them took him down. It took a third party. And now Jaffar is in the custody of the army, just waiting to become a better man. :D Hopefully this is the last major crisis our two lovebirds will ever have, but it was necessary for them to figure out they truly loved each other.
And... that's the end. Thankfully, you didn't kill off either character in a horribly tragic and twisted turn of events, you gave Astol a tiny bit of closure, (though it may have been a good idea to hear from his point of view at some point in between the last mention of him and the end of the fic) and Matthew's parents get to meet their future daughter in law. Your magnum opus is complete. And with that, I have to say it again: congratulations on your writing career. It's been a long journey. But it's certainly been fulfilling, I'm sure. I've seen you progress on Fanfiction these many years of you being on the site, all the way from the beginning, and all I can say is that I'm proud of you and of what you've become. This fic is certainly a testament to your writing career, and it's definitely your best work by far. Your passion shines through for sure, and I can't wait for even more from you.
Keep on writing, keep on living. And thank you.
10/10 Woo hoo!
12/26/2018 c1 26The Erudite
Oh, this...
This is impressive.
For something condensed down into a single fic, there's a brilliant level of progression and pacing here. Everything flows so well, it's incredibly impressive. The transition between Matthew and Leila never feels jarring, and the movement into each future scene works well, the previous one never overstaying its welcome. It's terrific.
There's also a sense of world here that's subtle, but very refined and charming. It reminds me of how I felt playing FE7 for the first time-I was hanging on every detail, wanting to hear more about it. The feeling is rich and stirring, like looking at a Renaissance painting, there's just something about it that speaks to me, despite the difference between creator and audience.
Matthew and Leila themselves are great, too. They both feel entirely in-character, and there's even glimmers of new things about each of them that totally feel in-line with their original characterization. Even the expanded treatment of their relationship is perfect. They really behave exactly how I'd imagine they would. Not to mention their place in the group: it's easy to forget about Oswin and Matthew's relative closeness to Hector in the midst of playing FE7, but I really got a sense for the interaction between all of them here. The idea of Matthew looking after a young Hector is something I never really considered, but makes total sense. The whole crew acting as his guardians in their own turn gives them a dynamic that never came to mind but that I now really enjoy.
The continuation of their relationship and avoiding Leila's death also feels like a natural evolution of this story, and not something tacked on in defiance of the canon-I could totally see it going down that way. That scene also managed to characterize Jaffar more deeply than some of his actual dialogue, I find.
This is truly fantastic. It's something I'm going to come back to often, and it's something you should absolutely be proud of. And you know me, I don't give empty praise. That's coming straight from the heart. This is a wonderful celebration of your writing career, and, I think, a testament to just about everything I love about your writing. I can't overstate what a wonderful job you've done here, Cormag.
26The EruditeOh, this...
This is impressive.
For something condensed down into a single fic, there's a brilliant level of progression and pacing here. Everything flows so well, it's incredibly impressive. The transition between Matthew and Leila never feels jarring, and the movement into each future scene works well, the previous one never overstaying its welcome. It's terrific.
There's also a sense of world here that's subtle, but very refined and charming. It reminds me of how I felt playing FE7 for the first time-I was hanging on every detail, wanting to hear more about it. The feeling is rich and stirring, like looking at a Renaissance painting, there's just something about it that speaks to me, despite the difference between creator and audience.
Matthew and Leila themselves are great, too. They both feel entirely in-character, and there's even glimmers of new things about each of them that totally feel in-line with their original characterization. Even the expanded treatment of their relationship is perfect. They really behave exactly how I'd imagine they would. Not to mention their place in the group: it's easy to forget about Oswin and Matthew's relative closeness to Hector in the midst of playing FE7, but I really got a sense for the interaction between all of them here. The idea of Matthew looking after a young Hector is something I never really considered, but makes total sense. The whole crew acting as his guardians in their own turn gives them a dynamic that never came to mind but that I now really enjoy.
The continuation of their relationship and avoiding Leila's death also feels like a natural evolution of this story, and not something tacked on in defiance of the canon-I could totally see it going down that way. That scene also managed to characterize Jaffar more deeply than some of his actual dialogue, I find.
This is truly fantastic. It's something I'm going to come back to often, and it's something you should absolutely be proud of. And you know me, I don't give empty praise. That's coming straight from the heart. This is a wonderful celebration of your writing career, and, I think, a testament to just about everything I love about your writing. I can't overstate what a wonderful job you've done here, Cormag.