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for Twelve Red Lines

12/25/2019 c16 FloydianFan
First of all, Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays. Secondly, I haven’t reviewed in a while. Work during the Holiday season drains the want to write - something that I’m sure you can relate to. As well reviewing a crossover chapter that really doesn’t have that much to do with the story is a tall order, so this will be rather short.

Fun to see the differing stories and authors collide, and it is interesting to see the power difference between the crews with experience- kinda like a Peggy Sue fic without the time travel for longer lengths of time.

Not sure where Grace or the Baroque squad went. Might’ve missed that when reading this, mainly focusing on Twelve Red Lines in. A chapter that is honestly more focused on This Bites.

So did they just sail out or just wait for the rainbow Mist to dissipate? Curious is all.

Again, hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas celebration. One more year alive, and more to live and grow.
12/27/2019 c1 Prometo
This story is amazing, I love this story. Each character is surprisingly spelled out, and each of them is so alive. And the relationship between Jones and Gina is very family, and how the whole team supports and accepts Jones as she is, and Ruat is a very sweet dragon. I really hope to continue this story.
P.S. Sorry for my English, I don't know it well.
12/21/2019 c35 2Myherogal22
Can't wait for chapter 36!
12/15/2019 c35 fireflyfall
(i tried to post this on spacebattles but unfortunately, it said no... so ill be saying my piece here instead)
i just binge-read this fic as a refresher on previous chapters, and i gotta say, DAMN is this amazing. it was totally worth reading through again! i rediscovered a thing or two that went over my head when i first read this on , and i really love how complex the characters and their relationships are! i'm a sucker for fics that flesh out characters that usually don't get touched upon much, and you did it really well. also, i personally find the little details really endearing (like the little nuances of johnny and yosaku's relationship, and how sabo laughs like luffy and ace laughs like garp!)

and on the latest chapter, i think the way enel went down was absolutely GOLDEN. a hilarious twist on his defeat, and an interesting change from how luffy is typically the one to beat the tar out of enel. i also thought it interesting how you had nami and lisa accidentally ring the bell by driving the ship into it...

ruatha is babey. absolutely babey. hes so adorable and the things he says and does and make SO much more sense are that much more endearing once you figure out what hes saying.

overall, this fic was a real ride; the humor is superb, the way you handle the plot is so DIFFERENT and engaging, and the deeper, more serious parts really struck a cord with me (especially the interactions between ace and jones). youre doing amazing!
12/12/2019 c35 Guest
I don't tend to write reviews for things or post much online at all- it's so so scary- but it feels important to me to comment on how much I love this story. I'm about to begin another read through of this fic and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has helped me get through all of the pressure my life has put upon me this past semester. I see a lot of traits in Jones that I see in myself and reading about her overcoming hardships while having all these people care for her and accept her makes me so happy. I'm not very good with words, so I'm not sure how to explain it any better than I have that you are doing such an amazing job and I hope that things go well for you in the future. Thank you for all the effort you have put forth into making this fic as entertaining and good as it is, and thank you for being you.
12/12/2019 c35 1Crzymnky666
So I normally don't leave reviews, mostly because of anxiety and such, but I had to say something here. First and foremost, welcome back. I was crushed when your story vanished from my list, as it has provided me not only with hours of entertainment, but has shown a viewpoint that I believe is important to be heard. I am relieved that you are once again pursuing that which brings you joy, and that you are whole, hale, and hearty.

A belated congratulations is in order on your blossoming relationship, may you both be blessed with luck and health, and push each other to new heights.

I have read and re read this tale almost a dozen times, and every time I do I believe I fall in love with it a little more. From the way you portray Jones, the tidbits of regional color, the way you answer all the reviews, the character interaction, and everything else I unfortunately lack time to list due to being on my break at work and the overwhelming amount of points to name... my hat is off to you and the world you have so painstakingly created for us readers and aspiring writers.

It's always something new, every time I come back from Jones dealing with Krieg' s gas, to Tashigi dancing with Zoro, the battle with Blackbeard, and Ussopp and his mighty mallet.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this tale with us. I look forward to the years to come and the places you will take us.

12/6/2019 c18 FloydianFan
Happy belated Thanksgiving and upcoming holidays! Lot of work, so haven’t had the time to do these reviews as I’d like. Next week is finals, so might be a bit longer before I can go back to writing more regularly.

Chopper getting a hockey stick as a weapons feels appropriately silly and adorable all at once for him. Hopefully he’ll be able to defend himself and the crew better then in canon with it - may not be a frontline fighter, but more individual strength for the crew is never a bad thing. Especially with how he seems to get shafted later in the New World.

Layden bottles were something I never knew about, but they seem pretty cool. Usopp is lucky Jones is there to stop him from needlessly endangering Nami’s life, saves him the shark tooth screeching and tinnitus later.

Is Jones creating a codex or something? I really can’t tell what they’re up to, and I don’t think the story has elaborated on that yet. Just a observation on my part.

Lisa is a good fit for the crew - unique fighting style, quirky character, memorable design. She could be kind of like the Shanks to Luffy’s Roger, if that makes any sense. Luffy actually thinking on how Shanks didn’t want him on the crew due to being so young, and needing to prove her resolve felt fitting for Luffy being the captain. It’s refreshing to see Luffy act like a captain more during Paradise now -that and him realizing that he’s not strong enough individually to protect the crew will help avoid a lot of heartache later on down the line.

Lisa’s gotten a major power up with the symbols and her paints. Makes you feel as she grows up she’ll be one of the more underrated fighters by the enemies. I mean if you’re not careful she’s essentially a one hit kill to foes, and she has the advantage of being so unassuming to combatants that she could turn the tide of a battle in seconds. Also out of curiosity, what is the mythology that these symbols come from? It just sounds fascinating is all.

Ghin literally has become a mother hen. That is hilarious, and it’s nice to see that even he can laugh at a joke at the expense of himself. Little sisters and brothers can be a pain, but we love ‘em all the same.

Fist of Love: Gum Gum Edition. Somewhere Garp is shedding tear in pride, even though he doesn’t know why. Luffy cares so much about the wellbeing of his crew that he’s willing to hit them in order to set them straight - and within somebody like Jones it nothing less will do. No one is expendable on the Straw Hats, and every time someone thinks that, Luffy will have a Fist of Love cooking in the oven just for the occasion. Also, of course he figures out a basic fundamental of Hali by punching pillows and caring really hard; It’s Luffy.

Wall running lends itself well to parkour. Jones is a lot more of a frenetic fighter, so using it for environmental leverage could be useful in the future.

The scene with Chopper is a prime example of why I love this story so much. You helped contextualize the anime/manga’s reactions in a way that is totally plausible in the context of the world and give a factoid of world building that makes the story feel more real. In fact, the organ systems and reinforcement on bones is so logical that I have decided to adopt it into my head cannon not just for One Piece, but anime & manga in general. It just makes so much sense on how people or able to survive the obscene amounts of damage inflicted and display such incredible strength that we in this plain of existence just can’t: e don’t have the same systems in place for us, but they do.

On the same scene, Chopper is going to be able to breed his own clone army with DNA and Earth technology on his side. Judge ain’t got shit on Choppy’s medical brilliance.

Water 7 pranking huh? For some reason, Franky must be feeling mighty breezy right now

Jones gets both the Fist of Love and the Hug of Love in the same day. Luffy’s such a good captain, it’s heartwarming for Jones to finally begin to feel some sense of comfort. It just feels like they almost never got that in the old world; about time they got some.

And onwards to the Rainbow Mist! I’ll get all the chapters reviewed even if it kills me!
11/27/2019 c17 FloydianFan
Skipping 16 for now. Comes at a later place in the timeline and want to do this chronologically.

Toilet seats, muffin buttons and witches. There’s a joke to be made there, but I’m too tired right now.

And Doctah Choppah is on the scene. Still at the point where he’s struggling with loneliness and self loathing. Lucky the Straw Hats are there to sort that out.

Canadian hockey teams in the Grand Line. If nothing else it’s a unique spin on the canon manga that helps give Twelve it’s identity.

Lucky for Jones that Chopper isn’t interested in human sexuality and that he’s cute enough to almost pass as a plushie. Probably less awkward then another human.

And now for a jailbreak (okay infirmary break but might as well be the same with Kureha running the joint) Chopper is so innocent when it comes to more traditional pirating behaviors, but at least they’ll return the clothes later.

Vivi andJones making up was nice, and so was Usopp being kind to Chopper - giving the little guy some positive human interaction aside from the knife throwing but that is Kureha. Though the interaction between Jones and the crew felt oddly subdued. I mean, Jones nearly got torn in half by a friggin Tyrannosaurus Rex and they meet her like she’s just gone out on a walk for a bit. Feels like there should have been more patented Straw Hat tears and hugs is all. On that note, Jones really has an obscene healing rate with being able to stand and run from the good doctor.

Looks like Chopper’s about to get his first dose of large scale interaction, and as well playing hockey. As is the Canadian way.

Lisa’s paints are pretty scary, but for her to be a Frontier Agent they kind of have to be. She’s too small to be a physical fighter, doesn’t have the appropriate training to take on opponents like potentially Aisa, and has to be able to gather information and not stand out too much. Makes you wonder what the upper limit of her powers could be.

Don’t know any particular hockey teams, are the announcers a reference to, well, announcers?

So Alabasta has soccer. Makes you wonder how other islands I One Piece would have their own sports. And not even just the ones under the jurisdiction of the World Government, how about ones under Yonko control. Do you think someone like Big Mom would have her own soccer league? Though in that case it would probably have homies as balls and find a way to incorporate murder in the game.

Fluffy zambonis and Lisa getting surprisingly into the game. She may be an assassin, but she’s still twelve years old.

Revolutionary cells and their odd names. Not sure what’d my one would be. Brown Beaver? Squalid Skunk? I suck at making names, so probably be’d kicked out at entry.

Good to see the townsfolk aren’t mad at Chopper. Doesn’t matter if he’s a monster or not - you play hockey, you’re a Drum Islander! And all’s well that ends well...

Until Wapol in his legendarily arrogant decision decides to utlaw hockey in front of what essentially are Canadians. That’s like trying to ban maple syrup and hotcakes, you just don’t do that. Wapol’s not even smart enough to keep the games as a sort of bread and circus charade. He sucks as both a king and a pacifier.

Out of curiosity, what is the inspiration for Jones’s attacks? It seems to have inspiration from forces of nature (Lightning, Omega, Tempest) but I could just be missing something.

Jones is the One Piece version of Deadpool, so death by Zamboni is probably the best way to go in that case. If anything, I would surrender to Jones in that situation. Scars, martial arts and dragons are a killer combination.

So the climb make to the mad doc’s lair commences. Lisa definitely needs to learn how to stop being so lazy and work through the pain, a trait that wasn’t encouraged by that sissy Galdino. Les Miserables reference - even cooler now that This Bites used it on Sabaody.

Big Bro Ghin is pissed, to say the least, and justified in being so. Again, it’s nice to see the Straw Hats actually learn the backstories of their crew in the story itself, something that the manga never actually did. Sure it’s not needed, but it gives the crew better insight on where everyone came from and such, a chance to truly cement their bonds even further. Also, don’t think I didn’t see that 4kids reference there. Not sure if that’s a offense worthy of death, but you’re on thin ice there, buckaroo.

Sanji kicking the teeth in of Wapol’s enforcers was a welcome touch, as well as him being annoyed by nobles who misuse their powers. Wapol’s more incompetence then anything, but brings back bad memories of Judge.

Jones shouldn’t get mad at Ghin, someone has to be their keeper after all.

Kuhera is psychotic and Luffy is grim faced, a combination one should never have to encounter if they value their lives.

God to see Jones be able to empathize with Chopper on being afraid to move. Good way for the characters to help one another, as well as Jone seeing content with their life and all the insanity it entails. Welcome to the crew, Chopper.

Kureha has a heart, even if she would like to cut it out and dissect it on the basis of science. And of course Chopper would see her as his mother, she’s the only one after Hiruluk who stood by him. Jeez, Chopper’s own biological mother must have cast him out after the Devil Fruit. One more thing to move on from.

Long distance snail phone for the Leafs. Interesting to see that Wapol’s brother was here as well. Didn’t fight him, but considering that Luffy needed Gear 2bd to take him on, that’s probably for the best. Good to see Dalton and Chopper make amends, as well as Dalton recognizing Vivi. Maple syrup is bought, because duh. Nice to see Zoro and Mr. 13 actually get some decent training in. The otter’s stronger then he looks, that’s for sure. Cherry Blossoms were appropriately heartfelt, as with the crew’s reaction to them.

Sorry if this was massive, but this was a massive chapter that warranted it.
11/22/2019 c15 FloydianFan
Accidentally posted the review early, so consider this the 2nd half.

Cute to see Goldenweek - Lisa now- emulate Jones. Children really do emulate much form the world around them. And so the crew explores the Kingdom of Drum.

The killer rabbits attack. No ordinary rabbits, that’s for sure. The ropeway and gondola, I completely forgot those existed. Makes you wonder why Dalton wouldn’t tell them about those.

Gin using the tonfas as a makeshift set of hand guards is just awesome. Him being able to catch a tonfa with his feet and still power through it really makes it clear why he’s on the crew as one of the heavy hitters. Dude’s a monster, and he fits with the Trio for sure.

Lisa snacking On sweets is jus wholesome. Hockey on Drum definitely did not exist in canon, so it’s cool to see how you change the nations enough to be recognizable form the story, while still having your own little spin on events in canon. It’s. One of the best things about this story.

Oh Yosaku, you really should take Johnny’s word a bit more seriously. Especially since Alabasta is just around the corner...
11/22/2019 c15 Guest
Merry’s confining be the most loyal ship in the game ( at least it’s with the Moby Dick.) Nami has much to learn. The same bottle - the story has decreed it to be funny!

Johnny and Yosaku actually giving Zoro a decent workout - they have more strength then they know.

Walpol on the scene with all his putrid, entitled glory. Luffy already remembers Goa and the crew giving him a good put down felt great - as well as Ghin just blitzing him off the ship ( great way to keep quiet there buddy!)

Vivi just doesn’t get it. She’s so compassionate, even to utterly lowly vermin like Wapol. It’s so naive, and yet so Vivi.

Zoro and Luffy couldn’t read a woman to save their lives. Sanji could, but’s creepy about it.

Good to see that Luffy was able to already know that he had to be polite, even without Vivi telling him this time. There’s surprisingly a decent amount of intellect that Luffy can display when the time calls for it / guess Jones nearly dying really did affect him.

Vivi deescelates the situation nicely. The people of Drum could have had another Blackbeard style rampage if the Straw Hats weren’t as nice as they were. They don’t know how lucky they are.

Dalton can at least read a room well, and can show great instincts befitting of a leader. There’s a reason he became king after all.

So while Luffy realizes he needs to be smarter, Nani realizes that she has to get strong enough to be able to protect herself and the crew. It’s cool to see how the crew takes the hardships and learns from them for the sake of the crew. Makes tig feel more like a family that way.

The remark about the Blackbeards makes me wonder how many crews on the Grand Line actually fall under the radar. Like how many of those are underrated or simply have no bounty at all, and how many are actually dangerous. Also, the no bounty thing acts as a pretty cool parallel between the two groups now.

Ghin joins the expedition! Dalton may not have had the best experience with pirates, but at least he can witness a true crew in action now. No member of the Straw Hats will leave others behind; even cowards like Johnny, Yosaku and Usopp wouldn’t do something so despicable.

Zoro versus Mr. 13. Can’t say I was expecting that, but it’s a near little matchup that’s bound to have more experience than Zoro simply being in ice water. Though Zoro could probably find a way to merge the two...
11/22/2019 c14 FloydianFan
And I’m back. Busy week, couldn’t do much.

As I’ve said, you just a knack for nailing the way the characters in the way Oda would pen. Seeing Luffy give precedence to weird details in his characteristic optimism- like saying rain wasn’t blood - just feels right.

So Mr. 3 gets a beat down several leagues worse than in canon. Seeing him pulverized, seared and going down like a whimpering little bitch was cathartic after his remarks on Jones.

The crew certainly have an air of gloom around them now, don’t they? This is their first really serious causality on the Grand Line, and the Straw Hats are only matched by the Whitebeards in crew loyalty. Seeing Luffy realize that he’s just not good enough to protect others in strength and having to learn to be intelligent ( or at least not be a complete moron) is a welcome change in how he’ll carry himself. It’ll save him tears down the line and might even open new doors sooner in terms of fighting.

Jones may not be dead yet, but an overexcited Dragon baby could do that. Looks like they have to go to Drum now- only other person who could help them is all the way underwater and not likely to help a rival crew just yet.

Gin definitely picked up some tips from Krieg, even if he is ashamed to realize it. Galdino is a smug little shit, but torture just seems excessive. Gin definitely does not want to be like his former coward of a captain, but he really does not know what else to do right now- good thing Luffy’s here to set him straight.

So Luffy’s gonna have to learn Fist of Love for Jones now. She seriously should know that nobody on the crew is expendable, alternate world or not. I can just see Garp seeing Luffy using a Fist of Love and beaming with joy, much to Luffy’s chagrin.

Golden week may be an assassin, but she’s still a little girl who is desperate for any sort of actual affection. She’s honestly rather sad when you think about it. At least she can help with the transport - provided Johnny and Yosaku don’t kill her first.

Gin may when this round, but there’s always next time. Hopefully Zoro has wind blades and Sanji has Rankyaku to help even the odds ( side note: why did Sanji never learn that in canon? It’s a weaponized air current that allows for long distance attacks! That and Soru at the very least.)

Puffy has to do this journey on his own - or at least until the Unlickeis show up. Difference I think is that there’s something to lose and he has to earn it as opposed to using Sabo for backup. Long nails are great for scratches.

Luffy being able to recognize that blades can have a will - and so the Smartening begins.

Ghin really can’t hate girls on the crew, can he? He’s such a dad. Also I saw that title reference there Jonesie.

Can’t eat and Usopp story time. Thor and Midgard. And now there has to be a fight with Midgard when they get to zel ag - else it’s a missed opportunity. Funny that Luffy‘s the voice of reason here. It’s the Grand Line and Usopp is it’s unknowing prophet. Whatever can happen, will. The Grand line is just a manifestation of Murphy’s Law.
11/17/2019 c2 Wowfam
Hey hey! Just wanted to say that I really like the story! great work and very touching, I can relate to a lot of things. Just be careful on how you use the curses though..I myself am a french canadian and I really don't want to be mean but canadians, let alone english canadians, don't always use tabarnak all the time (OK maybe some do) but the way you place them makes it feel more like a canadian stereotype, it doesn't fit well...
11/12/2019 c13 FloydianFan
Paranoia for our intrepid hero paired with their general anxiety would be exhausting for an extended period if time. That tied with the general confusion of authorial mandate and potential incompetence would be a recipe for insanity, though Jones could already be classified as insane.

SANJI hitting a (technical) female?! The world is officially ending.

Guess better late then never for Luffy's "I need people" speech. It was suitably silly and heartwarming. Also loved the Florian Triangle remark - feels both funny and a suitably Oda way of foreshadowing.

Reaching the prehistoric paradise of Little Garden (Well if you like dinosaurs) - Recommendation: Bug spray, spare lights and an armory's worth of ammunition for big game hunting.

Jones may be barred from cooking, and Sanji may hate the concept, but bug spray is better than bacterial infection rotting you from the inside out.

Seems Ghin isn't immune to a good ol' fashioned hunt with his fellow monster trio. Also to answer Jones question on the composition for Luffy, simple - Captain and Pirate King.

I guess Zoro has a surprisingly hidden parental/ teacher nature to him. If you want to be the bosn , you've got to be able to help the others in the crew. Good blending of position and personality on your part.

Out of curiosity, is your mother really that bad? I mean, it seems that Jones has an intense fear of authority figures, and if Mrs. Monday could intimidate them that badly, it suggests anywhere from neglect to abuse. You don't have to answer if this makes you feel uncomfortable.

Baby dinosaurs! I imagine the Apatosauruses to be kind of like Ruatha: Big oversized scaly doggies.
One in a lifetime experience right there. As well as running away from the triceratops would be quite the experience.

Better to be on Dragon's side rather than against him. Plus, this will likely keep him off Jones's back for the time being.

Sanji and Jones, the spy squad! They may not have a good plan, but they at least have one.

Cross may have ridden a T-Rex, but honestly riding the Ankylosaur is more impressive due t the fact that Jones was able to hold on a rampaging beast running like a freight train mixed with a bulldozer.

So Goldenweek is in. Seems like she's on the more innocent, more childlike end of the spectrum. It eithers goes between cold-blooded professional (This Bites, The Lazy Painter) to more normal chid who happens to be associated with a criminal enterprise (Twelve Red Lines, Red Sun?)

Symbolism is a rather dangerous thing to incorporate in combat, especially with how Jones was able to tap into her own inner beast when using wilderness.

Even if she was trying to kill you, I don't think too many people would be able to leave a kid at the mercy of velociraptors. There are just some lines that you can't cross before it fundamentally changes you.

Mr. 3 may be a pretentious snob with freaky powers, but he is a prepared pretentious snob who could make your life difficult. At least Usopp has Johnny and Yosaku to help deal with the wax now.

How could you have a dinosaur island and not fight the king of the beasts: The almighty T-REX!

So with Jones's sacrifice, it invites an interesting question: How many people in the same situation would be willing to do the same? I mean, if all of a sudden you were in a world that was simply fiction for most of your life, then try to integrate and keep ha natural order of things even if at the expense of your own life. Then, you see an important character at risk of dying and mucking up the timeline, what would most do? It just seems that there would always be this niggling sense of otherness for the transients in the world: Just the feeling that you shouldn't be here and the world would go on without you easier then most. If dying keeps the world turning with that in mind, they why shouldn't you consider yourself as expendable? Just an question that came to mind while re-reading the chapter.
11/11/2019 c12 FloydianFan
Cross wins, just through sheer shit eating smugness.

Has Evan actually updated his story, is it dead in the water?

Pun not intended, but I’ll take it anyways.
11/11/2019 c11 FloydianFan
Jones is basically a toddler when it comes to sleep deprivation, aren’t they?

Interesting how the lack of bounty led to a fight between Sake Summit and the Straw Hats, though fight might be a little generous considering that Zoro was able to curb stomp them by himself during canon.

Jones being a protective mother for Ruatha was adorable, and kind of scary when she shot dead the bounty hunters who hurt him. Goes to show parental instincts are one of the most dangerous things to go against, world of badass or not.

Guess killing someone would definitely be a landmark moment in your life. Jones was lucky that Ghin is good at putting things into perspective, and has enough experience in actual combat to not come across as pretentious and/or condescending. A great scene there.

Vivi May come across as a bit judgemental, but to be fair Jones really doesn’t give the best reasons for trust to be given. Especially not with the Hopeless Hunters springing a peak about the gas attack.

Jones showing their scars and being able to truly make a promise would surely win some points in Vick’s favor.

And so, the Unluckies. Wouldn’t probably hurt the crew in the long run, but better to have them on the Straw Hats side for intelligence. On another note, otters are some of the cutest creatures in existence, and I will lead you to YouTube videos to prove my point if you disagree.

Mrs Monday and 9 joining for a bit, gotta admit I wasn’t expecting that.

Good to see the Straw Hats having such a tight bond that they wouldn’t make one of their own uncomfortable in a party. Luffy loves fun, but loves his crew mates more.

Robin and Jones come across a bring civil while trying to size each other up. Robin also could be genuinely afraid of anyone’s knowledge as well. Surprised she didn’t think there was some government involvement with Jones, but Luffy would put a stop to that pretty quickly. Her with throwing knives fits too well and no feels like a missed opportunity in canon.

Indiana Jones - Cam see the resemblance.

Paranoia? Yes. Unjustified? Not with an organization of assassins only surpassed by Cipher Pol.
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