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for Twelve Red Lines

11/11/2019 c12 FloydianFan
Cross wins, just through sheer shit eating smugness.

Has Evan actually updated his story, is it dead in the water?

Pun not intended, but I’ll take it anyways.
11/11/2019 c11 FloydianFan
Jones is basically a toddler when it comes to sleep deprivation, aren’t they?

Interesting how the lack of bounty led to a fight between Sake Summit and the Straw Hats, though fight might be a little generous considering that Zoro was able to curb stomp them by himself during canon.

Jones being a protective mother for Ruatha was adorable, and kind of scary when she shot dead the bounty hunters who hurt him. Goes to show parental instincts are one of the most dangerous things to go against, world of badass or not.

Guess killing someone would definitely be a landmark moment in your life. Jones was lucky that Ghin is good at putting things into perspective, and has enough experience in actual combat to not come across as pretentious and/or condescending. A great scene there.

Vivi May come across as a bit judgemental, but to be fair Jones really doesn’t give the best reasons for trust to be given. Especially not with the Hopeless Hunters springing a peak about the gas attack.

Jones showing their scars and being able to truly make a promise would surely win some points in Vick’s favor.

And so, the Unluckies. Wouldn’t probably hurt the crew in the long run, but better to have them on the Straw Hats side for intelligence. On another note, otters are some of the cutest creatures in existence, and I will lead you to YouTube videos to prove my point if you disagree.

Mrs Monday and 9 joining for a bit, gotta admit I wasn’t expecting that.

Good to see the Straw Hats having such a tight bond that they wouldn’t make one of their own uncomfortable in a party. Luffy loves fun, but loves his crew mates more.

Robin and Jones come across a bring civil while trying to size each other up. Robin also could be genuinely afraid of anyone’s knowledge as well. Surprised she didn’t think there was some government involvement with Jones, but Luffy would put a stop to that pretty quickly. Her with throwing knives fits too well and no feels like a missed opportunity in canon.

Indiana Jones - Cam see the resemblance.

Paranoia? Yes. Unjustified? Not with an organization of assassins only surpassed by Cipher Pol.
11/10/2019 c10 FloydianFan
Oh look, a CinemaSin.

God, Enies Lobby is going to be fantastic, I can just tell. Though seeing that future scene makes me wonder if Ruatha’s spit is going to gain any sort of elemental or adhesive effect depending on maturation. Probably a spoiler, but it’s just food for thought.

Having a pistol and an opponent who leaves themself wide open and STILL managing to miss. Though at least Devil Fruits are better than guns, and that’s a fact!

Not sure when this happens on the timeline, but considering Luffy was able to hear that opens some very interesting possibilities for the Voice of All Things in the future. Makes you wonder how the average citizen of the world would react to the Author-the very dimensional barriers of the world being unraveled and stitched back together with crazy putty and self aware depreciation.

Speaking of which, take a shot every time I start a sentence with a single world with a comma or use grammatical errors. Spoiler, you’ll be dead by Lougetown.!
11/10/2019 c9 FloydianFan
Snowball fight between a cowardly sniper and a self destructive Canadian - I’ve heard weirder and from the mainline story to boot!

Boy, traveling the immediate post Reverse Mountain sure would be agonizing in real life. Snow, rain, hail - the whole nine yards and so on flipping faster than a schizophrenic’s mood swings.
May not as bad through Paradise and the New World in genera, but it definitely is a baptism by fire.

And Vivi really arrives now. Sure she was in the last chapter, but to see her in the story as herself as opposed to Mrs Wednesday is nice. Caring to a fault, and a bit on the self important side I bet interactions with Jones, but ultimately wanting the best for her people. The unofficial 11th Straw Hat in my eyes.

Wrong franchise but feels so good.

Training Devil Fruits during tag with Luffy and Usopp really would be the best way for Luffy to learn. It was also kind of funny for Luffy to comment on Jone’s lack of attack names. Makes you wonder what the in universe justification for shouting out attacks is though. I mean that Luffy would do it anyways because it sounds cool, but wouldn’t saying the names give an opponent a chance to counter them?

So Merry is already manifesting sentience this early in the story. Considering the only time that happened in the story was when the Klabautermann started to show up, it’s not exactly an encouraging sign. Less so with Jones’s propensity to cause damage to everything in the surrounding vicinity, herself included. Makes you wonder if Merry can even be saved.

Johnny and Yosaku are pretty lucky that Nami wasn’t the one who got hit by the prank. In debt for life, cursed a blue streak more concentrated than the dye, and potentially in danger of their manhood separated from their bodies at worst.

Seeing the waterfall from opening 2 gave me some serious nostalgia. Just imagining how long One Piece has been going on and how much has happened since then makes me feel pretty old. Also Jones was unknowingly channeling Robin with the whole death coming early thing. Might be a friendship in the future for them, who knows?

Vivi agin is caring to a daily. She likes to be at the center of the action when it comes to helping her country, but too often she loses track of the bigger picture when it comes to politics or the logistics of war. Jones may come across as a bit callous, but ultimately it’s better to minimize the damage by playing the game as opposed to leaving the table or flipping the board like Vivi is liable to do. It’s not pretty, but it’s life.

All nighter before a bounty hunter nest. This is only slightly below the ammonia rag in terms of not well thought out plans.
11/10/2019 c7 FloydianFan
And so we stop our voyage for a filler arc, though admittedly one of the more interesting ones: Warship Island. Always enjoyed this arc; it has a classic smaller scale One Piece vibe of just pure adventure. No world changing battles or development, just a group of kids wanting to help a smaller kid and her scaly grandpa find a home.

Of course Jones forgets she can’t swim. How can someone be so smart when it comes to tactics/world changing but so lacking in common sense in so many other areas? High INT Low WIS indeed.

You know, I wonder how APIs would be seeing people like Ghin and The Hopeless Hunters in her mind. It’s just kind of hard for anyone to see Johnny and Yosaku as particularly threatening.

Would have been pretty bad for the crew to go into the Calm Belt this early. The Sea Kings could use the Lord of the Coast as dental floss there.

Johnny and Yosaku being gadgeteers who help with the traps is a rather nice touch; they seem to be much better with planning and subversion than actual fighting.

So now Sanji and the crew knows first hand how bad Jones’s cooking can be. Makes you wonder why Usopp didn’t take some of the stew when nobody was looking and fashion it into ammo. Also guess that the ginger was the thing that Luffy truly couldn’t stand. Maybe he eats the food so quickly that he doesn’t notice how rank it is, and the ginger stops that.
11/9/2019 c8 FloydianFan
I’m think about making some of these reviews shorter. I want to the able to get to some of the more densely packed chapters and I’d rather not come across as redundant by repeating what I’ve already said in prior posts. Sorry about that.

Ruatha’s already established himself as a mischievous lil’ shit hasn’t he? Then again, that’s how all babies are.

Losing a debate against a whale; Gotta admit, that’s a new one.

Seeing Crocus talk with the crew about his time on the Oro Jackson was a nice touch. Though it’s kind of surprising that Lucy didn’t 3”react for the news about his hat being from Roger, though that could be explained as him being too star struck from meeting a well established pirate like the good doctor.

Having the crew sing a sea shanty to help the Laboon’a saddened soul was a seriously heartwarming change from canon. Learned a new sea shanty as well - again, it’s fascinating how you’re able to import aspects from our reality into the world of One Piece to help give it a brand new flavor. Makes it feel like less of retread and more it’s own thing.

Laboon would’ve been a nice crew member, but we’ve only got room for one pet on this boat. Also would probably give him separation anxiety whenever the crew was on a longer excursion anyways.

Luffy, for being a rather dim bulb is surprisingly good at twisting words to his favor. All that matters is adventure, friends and no spoilers.
11/8/2019 c7 FloydianFan
And so we stop our voyage for a filler arc, though admittedly one of the more interesting ones: Warship Island. Always enjoyed this arc; it has a classic smaller scale One Piece vibe of just pure adventure. No world changing battles or development, just a group of kids wanting to help a smaller kid and her scaly grandpa find a home.

Of course Jones forgets she can’t swim. How can someone be so smart when it comes to tactics/world changing but so lacking in common sense in so many other areas? High INT Low WIS indeed.

You know, I wonder how APIs would be seeing people like Ghin and The Hopeless Hunters in her mind. It’s just kind of hard for anyone to see Johnny and Yosaku as particularly threatening.

Would have been pretty bad for the crew to go into the Calm Belt this early. The Sea Kings could use the Lord of the Coast as dental floss there.

Johnny and Yosaku being gadgeteers who help with the traps is a rather nice touch; they seem to be much better with planning and subversion than actual fighting.

So now Sanji and the crew knows first hand how bad Jones’s cooking can be. Makes you wonder why Usopp didn’t take some of the stew when nobody was looking and fashion it into ammo. Also guess that the ginger was the thing that Luffy truly couldn’t stand. Maybe he eats the food so quickly that he doesn’t notice how rank it is, and the ginger stops that.

Ah, the family - friends section of any good SI story. People often forget on how demoralizing it would be to go to another world without any way to get back. All your friends and families just gone, and making new friends would be at all order for anyone in that kind of situation. At least Jones got to sleep with a dragon to help calm her down. Phrasing.

Using Johnny and Yosaku as the ones able to make a small raft for Ryu helps tie the story with how they were in canon. Weird how they seemed to get much buffer and seemingly capable when they weren’t fighting.

You know, Jones should have a lesson on canon, filler and general terminology when it comes to the main story. Would probably make her more comprehensible to the rest of the crew. But where’s the fun in that? Filler to the crew, but there is a point that every adventure, especially to the little people like Apis.

Jones tries to fight Eric, but somehow ends up with more clothing damage than Zoro in a single day than him in a week.

Luffy is right: Immortality is overrated as hell.

I know this comes across as weird and maybe a little bloodthirsty, but I appreciate the fact that you have people die or get injured badly in the fights. Yes, I know that One Piece is a Shonen and The Straw Hats prefer to leave their enemies alive, but this is still a series where death should be an expected occurrence on the adventure. It feels oddly sanitized in the canon story, so the ability to add another layer of tension in the story is another way that TRL stands out from the pack.

Toilet seat as a trophy, still less weird then whips without use of you ask me.

Luffy having the Voice of All Things this early? Is he gonna be able to hear the Ponyglyphs if he gets near them? Converse with animals where others can’t? It opens a whole lot of possibilities for the story in the future, and I’m interested to see where it goes.

And Jones gets a baby dragon. Wasn’t expecting that the first time when I read this, but it’s a great way to help give Warship Island some impact for the rest of the story. Like I said before, I appreciate the fact that you’re able to integrate filler content into the story and actually have it mean something. It takes a lot more effort to include extra content instead of just throwing it out, and it proves that you’re a talented writer to make it this entertaining got boot.

As a side note, is it just me or do the actually dangerous crews have some form of animal companion(s) as members. I mean, the Beast Pirates speak for themselves, Big Mom’s crew has sentient animals as fighters, The Red Hair Pireates have a monkey and Whitebeard has Stefan on the crew. With Ruatha on the crew, it’s the first step to getting the straw Hats to that level.

Well said Zoro.
11/7/2019 c6 FloydianFan
Nami, the Going Merry is going to be capable of a hell of a lot more than moving on her own; you should probably get ready for it in the future.

Clockwork Island. It’s nice to know that you are willing to use extraneous materials like the movies and incorporate them into the story.

The Straw Hats in hotel gear, a nice image. Gin getting the shortest straw of the hat with his clothes courtesy of Johnny and Yosaku pranking skills helps highlight the Hopeless Hunters talent for subtle interference.

Jones never watched the movies aside from Baron and Strong World? For most of the Paradise and especially New World films, that gonna come back to bite them hard.

Did the Straw Hats go against El Drago and do Movie 1? I bring it up because I don’t think it’s ever mentioned in the story itself. Just curious is all.

Thief brothers, Trumps who only win due to lack of equipment and Cocoyashi tie ins. Funny how the Straw Hats are able to do
the Marine’s jobs better than the Marines themselves.

Johnny and Yosaku being proficient in traps and being more in line with Nami’s skill set on rouges helps give them their own little niche amongst the crew. Gives them context also for why they aren’t as strong as Zoro ( though to be fair, Zoro’s stronger than most people.)

Luffy’s pride speech was really well done. Him encouraging the scientists to be proud of the clock despite the Trumps taking over. It’a an adventure, so enjoy it despite the risks. Feels appropriately cheerful like our captain, but also mature enough for his moments of insight to make it through.

Usopp getting angry was pretty funny. Not even a god great as he could break through those ropes.

Only thing inconceivable is the idea that Pin could face Zoro and win without an advantage. Ammi rite?

Johnny and Yosaku proving their worth with the rum and vinegar is a nice touch. Helps make their gradual change from completely helpless hunters to halfway decent support who can see traps/avoid unnecessary damage so far. Makes them feel like proper Straw Hats. And Honey going down without the barrel make air all the sweeter (heh)

So Garp showing up in the East Blue and meeting up with the Straw Hats was probably the highlight of the chapter in my opinion. You really nailed Garp’s lackadaisical nature when it comes to protocol and his general Monkey nature. Going back from being terrifying to busting a gut at Zoro’s gumption just felt like something Ofa himself would write. Zoro lying his ass off while making it seem believe able would make Usopp squak if he currently wasn’t sweating a river over in the ship. Prett scary for Jones talking to a man who could probably fight the Yonko himself and have a non zero chance of winning. Good thing Ghin wasn’t a bigger name in the East Blue, or things would’ve ended right then and there. The scene was also probably the only thing that tied this chapter with the mainline story, though that’s not your fault; East Blue movies come across as low stakes, self contained adventures that will have no real bearing on the plot.

Oh Usopp, your godliness gives you the ability to see the future, in a way that you can’t actually see it.

Quantum mechanics and cola. Well Franky makes a good case for the cola art, if nothing else. Zero being quantum obligated to be lost in higher stress situations makes way to much sense.

Not as much to say as usual, but like I said the East Blue fillers like this are just really low stakes and not as intensive for me to write about. You still did an excellent job though.
11/7/2019 c5 FloydianFan
Zoro with Jones and training tips surprisingly wholesome. He’s the ship’s first mate, and it does make sense for him to try and give tips to others for their training, although he sucks at actually teaching people. And Jonrs not wearing her weights? Forget about it.

Alright, so the bounty or rather the lack of one is one of the aspects I’ve been waiting to get to. To be blunt, I don’t think I’ve ever seen another story in the fandom that completely gets rid of the Straw Hats bounties before. It’s like I said previously; bounties are the street credit of the pirating world,and to not have one would be in itself often seen as a mark of weakness from the scum of the see. Although given that the Straw Hats are trouble magnets of the highest caliber, it will be hilarious to think of how many big names that they’ll be taking down, and how everyone will be seeing them as a group of nobodies before getting bodied by Luffy and pillaged by Nami. Not to mention that the Marines will be assisting the crew by giving them money for the pirates that will be handed in by the infamous Pirate Hunter Roranora Zoro. The Marines will be beside themselves with rage and fear when the deception is revealed, and consider the Straw Hats masters of subtlety and manipulation, which is just hilarious to think about. Turning the crew into the ultimate underdogs and playing the system is a change that I adore, and it goes to show how you’re making things different enough to be it’s own thing.

Big brother Ghin being a good brother to Jones was nice. One of the terrors of East Blues acting as a nanny for Jones and comforting her was a good cross between wholesome and hilarious.

Road to El Dorado, hmm? Well you’ve got some good taste, lemme tell you.

So a pistol you won’t use and a whip that you have no idea how to wield... Jones, you have some skewed priorities. And that Indiana pun - JEEZ. I mean I love it and I hate it.

Wizards, wands and Devil Fruits. What more could you ask for?
Force - Force Fruit - seriously broken Fruit right there if someone knows how to use it properly. We’re talking Admiral at minimum, and Pirate King Level at max. The writer would not put it in if it wasn’t important, Jones. You should know that by now.

Meeting a man in blue who happens to know Luffy’s grandfather and makes suspicious claims about our intrepid captain. Good to see you again, Sabo. Though it does make the whole butterfly scene feel kinda pointless in retrospect Author.

Seeing Smoker actually try to help the Straw Hats is weird, mildly speaking. Guess it goes to show the butterfly effects that bounties will bring. Then again, it’s also refreshing to see a Marine in the East Blue isn’t woefully inefficient or hopelessly corrupt. Goes to show there are decent marines after all.

Skill check:Bluff - go! And it lands! Zoro is right, Jones lies are useful as in there not completely full of holes like Usopp’s are.

Passive aggressive Luffy with potatoes - truly annoyingly.

Jones hit the Luffy button, and the Big Brother mode has been reactivated! Yep, Ace is gonna be pissed when he finds out.

And of course the crew of rookies has the distinct pleasure of going in the same room s one of the world’s top tiers. Conqueror’s Haki is a bitch, ain’t it? Seeing Luffy stand up for his crew, and actually having an exchange with his son was suitably badass. And big bro Sabo’s got the snail to check in like a fretful mm sending her kids to school- though in this case school being a hellish sea where everything is trying to confuse you at best, and kill you at worst - same difference really.

Jon’s is the prank bitch from now till the end of the story isn’t she. Also getting her hands on such a strong fruit is all the worth it. Eating it sounded vile though - what doesn’t kill you I guess...
Snail Error - Big Bro. It coming through. Please try again later.
10/28/2019 c4 FloydianFan
The notion of a main character shouting to the sky as if it were the narrator would be grounds for asylum in almost any other work of fiction. The fact that it isn’t here is...something to say the least.

Well at least Sanji will stop flirting with Jones now, and getting him to think about his sister is just the thing to help wean him off of trying to get our main character.

Making party maps, and using a different language seems smart, both for stopping Luffy from getting mad and potential intelligence leaks if things should go wrong.

The story of Oliver sure has some striking similarities with Gol D. Roger - reality meeting for fiction makes some of the most captivating stories out there in my experience. Would be cool if something like this story existed in One Piece, the actual historical figures I mean. Probably not though.

The length of the story in conjunction with how brisk everything in the “real” world is certainly something to think about. Luffy would probably hate reading the comic on a weekly basis.

Seeing all these real world languages in the world of One apiece, especially since there are no islands with those names is a mystery in itself. Definitely interested to see where this goes in the future- especially if it’s related to the Void Century.

Making a code with language is pretty cool, and would definitely help later on down the line. Besides Luffy could be like a secret agent or a ninja, and he would happy with that.

Having blue butterflies in the middle of the ocean is a bit forced, but hey,it about the past and looking to the future with all the adventures you’ll go on isn’t a bad way to live life. Especially not with a crew like the Straw Hats at the helm. Probably pretty amusing to Jones seeing as Sabo’s not dead though.

Nice try with the speech Jones, but using different pop culture references with a crew that has no basis for them is confusing at best and at worst would be liable to get you shot by the population.

Arlong changing his perspective, albeit very slowly, is fascinating to say the least. I mean, he’s still the racist prick along with his crew the subjugated an entire island under him. But he’s at least willing to accept some form of concession from certain humans. May have been trying to get monologuing from Jones, but you get the sense that he was at least somewhat interested in what nobles to look for and how some forms of people weren’t complete scum. And this pretty much confirms that we will be seeing the Arlong Pirates again in Impel Down, provided that still occurs in Twelve Red Lines. Always felt kind of weird that we didn’t see them again in One Piece, especially given that Hachi and Jinbe became important characters to the story.

Bet Arlong hates the notion that a mere human could beat him with technology, or genuinely unnerve him as with Jones. Sea devil indeed.

Sorry Jones, but on the Going Merry you will have fun with the crew. Captain’s orders!

The hopeless bounty hunters using their sheer pathetic nature to deceive opponents - even if a lie still is rather smart. Kinda feels like Johnny, Yosaku and Usopp make up the lying trio.

A short chapter, but still a welcome read.
10/27/2019 c3 FloydianFan
Sorry if the reviews seem inconsistent. It just takes me a while to properly have the energy to go through and write so much. I probably could write shorter ones, but this story genuinely deserves better then some half assed reviews. I write these to truly try and express my thoughts on why this story is so good, and I’ll do it so.

3 guys and a girl on a boat. Sounds like a perfect time for seaside hijinks..

Of course Luffy would be the one to hate spoilers. It’s not an
adventure if you know where you’re going, and Luffy would give up being a pirate before giving up a good adventure.

Jones, you’re not a Mary Sue. You’ve already shown a good degree of flaws while fitting in to the world while not warping it to center solely around your inclusion unlike some main leads *coughReycough*

You know, it’s interesting to see Luffy actually learn about Nani’s backstory in this. In the original, he didn’t, and didn’t need to. Nani was in trouble and needed him to kick Arlong’s ass. Now though, Luffy probably wants Arlong mounted up on his wall like some of those singing fish you see at the bars. Would be an interesting gift for Makino.

Jones gassing Nezumi feels right. He’s such a sniveling little rat that he doesn’t deserve the right for a genuine fight. People like him, Spandam and the Celestial Dragons are pure evil without having the sense of strength like someone such as Doflamingo has to help back it up. Plus, it’s just a smart way to help the crew lack bounties.

Jones’s advice to the crew about avoiding pitfalls helped make an already pitiful showing from the Arlong Pirates even more so. I mean seriously, they went from being officers of the Sun Pirates, a revered and dangerous pirate crew that the World Government itself was keeping a close eye on, to losing to some no name rookies from the East Blue of all places. How the mighty have fallen indeed.

Like I said, Luffy just wants to filer some fish this time. No funny sword slashing or nakama speeches, just a pure, unbridled beat down. Even comparing Arlong to the World Nobles of all things; a beserk button being thoroughly stomped on.

Jones using the Fisher Tiger- witch - species on Arlington was glorious. Just seeing Arlong utterly lose it when how Fisher Tiger would be disgusted from how far he’s fallen as well as the sheer pettiness of the racism - be it from the powers that be or not - and how Arlong does nothing but further add to it . Just a complete bastardization of the Sun Pirates original goal.

“What kind of jerk attacks someone who’s trying to help them?!” “Don Krieg.” - I don’t know why, but that line had me in stitches the first time I read this.

So Johnny and Yosaku, huh? Well, they were able to get swole AF in the two year time skip, and they have to at least have some sword skills from traveling with Zoro ( even if nowhere near the same league) Plus, seeing them realize how pathetic they are in the main story and vow to be better does lend them some points on their favor. Plus they, like Ghin have that “East Blue” factor to them as well. The only other non crew mate who I feel has that is Nojiko, and frankly in the context of the story just doesn’t have a reason to join the crew. I also love how Luffy was during the recruitment, what with testing the hopeless hunters resolve and affirming Usopp’s and Jones’s dreams/place on the crew.- though revealing the self cutting still is appropriate for Luffy. That’s why Zoro is there.

Jones, blurting out things like your other worldly status in a shout like that really does not help your position. Though swing Yosaku’s reaction especially was pretty funny. Using the knowledge for Sanji will probably help Sanji acclimate to the crew quicker, and maybe prepare the crew for the inevitable confrontation with Germa.

Ghin being illiterate feels oddly appropriate. I mean, what is the general literacy rate for the Blues and Grand Line? There’s the worldwide news so the general populace must have some knowledge of reading, but for pirates? Probably next to none for the scrub tiers. Helping him learn how to read with Jones learning how to fight establishes a new bond, and helps Ghin stand out. Zoro could try to teach, but as our heroine stated, he’s garbage at it.

The little scene with Jones and Ghin felt nice. Him being interested in his fate in the story and willingness to encourage the witch act felt pragmatic for a quartermaster/taskmaster that Keieg drilled into him- probably the only good thing that chickenshit of a captain ever gave him.

Ah Nami, there was never a doubt you were going to be a crew mate; you were in canon and even if not Luffy already decided that. He refuses your refusal after all.

Identity and Nami makes sense. Jones being unsure of who or what she is and Nami having to lie, steal and wear different masks for herself gives an underlying thread of who and how you want to be. It was a nice scene.

Faye huh? Well if your going with a witch theme, it certainly helps to have magical name like that form the start.

Establishing a garden. Fits with both the earthen feel of Merry and the more earthen feel of the Sunny. Plus, the more foods you have the ship, the greater the chance of having ingredients in an emergency. Maybe even be able to pick up some strays Devil Fruits as well.

Oda never forgets. And that’s why One Piece is still great even 20 years past it’s start. This is a story that has been carefully plotted from the start, and as such has never lost sight of what it’s goals are. Just like this story has not lost sight of the adventure and shifting changes that make sense in context of the story. I just hope you don’t lose sight of the joy that hopefully you, or most definitely we as the readers get when it updates.
10/23/2019 c2 FloydianFan
Starting off with the Straw Hats being concerned or Jone's well being felt really in character to he crew's dynamic, especially since they were aware of her/their less tan entirely stale ental state due to the suicide. More specifically was Luffy's 'exact words' clause, and forcing Jones to promise to live help to showcase his care for the crew and his surprising insight for when thigs really do matter.

Jones fighting Zoro helps to establish where she is in terms of crew power level while also showing that isn't automatically good at everything, especially not in a world of badass like One Piece.

It feels like Jones's greatest flaw is doing things without thinking through or communicating with the crew. Gonna have issues down the line is she can't talk with the crew properly. Cannon fire with gunpowder is just a recipe for disaster.

Usopp as the Master Gunner feels oddly fitting and appropriately badass enough to fly on the crew while not being overbearing. Luffy's not one for hierarchy, but being a pirate is taking on what you like and making your own choices. Freaking out Nami also doesn't come across as the best for crew coalescence.

Johhny and Yoasku -everybody's favorite duo of hopeless bounty hunters. Or maybe not as Johhny can go toe to toe with Jones for the time being? Gotta sting for the pride of a warrior.

Seeing Ghin inn the story feels nice. He was a character who I always felt got the short end of the stick in the story (getting gassed and never coming back again- probably dead) also while having a memorable design with unusual weapons (have we actually seen any other tonfa users in the story to this day?), leads him to being one of the more memorable characters during the East Blue.

Speaking of which - If Nezumi never got he chance to properly report the Straw Hats for the bounties, why didn't Fullbody speak to Headquarters. aybe he didn't know about the other thing the crew would do, but assaulting a Marine officer and the ship would be seen as bounty worthy if nothing else.

Sanji as Jones's father must feel awkward with a capital A - as well with his well meaning but rather creepy to the uniniated behavior - he can be just as vulgar and powerful as someone like Zoro could be as well. Not the prime attitude for the ladies.

Having Jones fight Ghin makes sense given the narrative of the story, and the fact that Ghin still can't truly hurt her even if capable of going against the steel toed striker Sanji helps highlight his moral compass, as well as being far too good for a coward like Krieg to command. The fact that Krieg was also willing to gas his second in command while not even directly going against his orders like in canon really feels appropriately scummy, as well as petty for 'Foul Play' Krieg.

Once again, Jones has less sense than a chicken with it's head cut off. Give credit where it's due, using ammonia as a makeshift gasmask is clever, though forgetting how dangerous to the human body just seems to fit them. One step forward, but one step back. Panicking and pretending to be a witch also came across s clever thinking in a pinch. Sanji may not have the tear-jerking farewell as n canon, but he's still on the crew so it's all good.

Gin joining feels fitting. A heavy hitter who can contend with the crew's hard hitters, s well as needing a place and captain to call his own. I never did think of Luffy's tendency to recruit those who need him before, but it does make sense when you put it like that. I love expanded crews, and Gin just feels like a natural fit who adds a great amount to the crew's dynamic. Always good to see ho that'll play out in the future.
10/24/2019 c35 tygerburningbright
An amazing chapter, you have crafted a take on the events that is wholly your own while still being immensely satisfying to read.
10/21/2019 c1 FloydianFan
So in the spirit of trying to help get this story back to the prestige that it rightly deserves, I've decided to make it a personal mission to reread all the chapters and give my two cents on how the story shifts from the main canon, and what I think it excels at while potentially giving future ideas if they seem good enough. Reviews I've found are kind of like the bounties of , not a measure of how strong or not something is, but acting as form of street credit for authors and how the reading public measures success.

The intro was rather sobering (I mean, it IS a suicide attempt) and showing how our main lead of Jones isn't exactly in the best headspace when coming across the Straw Hats is a rather fitting given how a good majority of the crew haven't had the best run of things before meeting the hurricane in human form known as Monkey D. Luffy.

Seeing Jones arrive in the One Piece world in a way helps set the tone of the story as being a bit more, "grounded", if that makes sense. As showcased in later chapters, the world of One Piece is a rather dangerous junction where death can be a quick slip up away from you. Twelve Red Lines does a great job of making the world rather menancing in a way that the manga just can't, all the while keeping the sense of adventure intact. To me, it's one of the crowning achievements of the story.

Meeting the Straw Hats was a rather welcome feature. In keeping with the realism that the story helps build, it was refreshing to see how the characters from the manga would be shifted to accommodate the third dimension (Zoro with his green hair interlaced with darker blond gives the impression of how someone in our reality would come across while having the characteristics of the manga.)

Luffy's insistence that Jones was his when she chose the Jolly Roger necklace feels appropriate given the sheer lengths that he'll go to recruit members for his crew, while still being able to maintain his ability to care for his crew by respecting Jones's wishes to be called Karate-ka instead ninja helps showcase his tendency to want to have fun while having enough empathy to care for his crew. Helps give more credence that Luffy's more than a cheerful and oblivious idiot like he could be in the manga during Paradise, and more like a captain who would be king.

Ah, the ginger. A small little gag that helps give Jones flaws that help stop her for becoming a boring Mary Sue. Somehow I see the ginger being so downright toxic, so completely inedible that not eve Warden Magellan would be able to ingest it. Or might be able to and it just makes Jones feel even worse about herself. I dunno, just think it would be funny is all.

In short, this is an effective tone setter that helps pave the way the story will go on forward, and arguably better then This Bites first chapter. It grabs you with it's evocative writing in Jone's personal headspace throughout the chapter, there is a good sense of blending the worlds together without sacrificing the appeal of either, and finally promises to be an interesting journey for an old tale told in a new & fresh manner.
10/19/2019 c21 1Aysa54
What are you talking about? I’m not terrified because of that ending, not at all! *cue nervous laughter*
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