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for Twelve Red Lines

10/21/2019 c1 FloydianFan
So in the spirit of trying to help get this story back to the prestige that it rightly deserves, I've decided to make it a personal mission to reread all the chapters and give my two cents on how the story shifts from the main canon, and what I think it excels at while potentially giving future ideas if they seem good enough. Reviews I've found are kind of like the bounties of , not a measure of how strong or not something is, but acting as form of street credit for authors and how the reading public measures success.

The intro was rather sobering (I mean, it IS a suicide attempt) and showing how our main lead of Jones isn't exactly in the best headspace when coming across the Straw Hats is a rather fitting given how a good majority of the crew haven't had the best run of things before meeting the hurricane in human form known as Monkey D. Luffy.

Seeing Jones arrive in the One Piece world in a way helps set the tone of the story as being a bit more, "grounded", if that makes sense. As showcased in later chapters, the world of One Piece is a rather dangerous junction where death can be a quick slip up away from you. Twelve Red Lines does a great job of making the world rather menancing in a way that the manga just can't, all the while keeping the sense of adventure intact. To me, it's one of the crowning achievements of the story.

Meeting the Straw Hats was a rather welcome feature. In keeping with the realism that the story helps build, it was refreshing to see how the characters from the manga would be shifted to accommodate the third dimension (Zoro with his green hair interlaced with darker blond gives the impression of how someone in our reality would come across while having the characteristics of the manga.)

Luffy's insistence that Jones was his when she chose the Jolly Roger necklace feels appropriate given the sheer lengths that he'll go to recruit members for his crew, while still being able to maintain his ability to care for his crew by respecting Jones's wishes to be called Karate-ka instead ninja helps showcase his tendency to want to have fun while having enough empathy to care for his crew. Helps give more credence that Luffy's more than a cheerful and oblivious idiot like he could be in the manga during Paradise, and more like a captain who would be king.

Ah, the ginger. A small little gag that helps give Jones flaws that help stop her for becoming a boring Mary Sue. Somehow I see the ginger being so downright toxic, so completely inedible that not eve Warden Magellan would be able to ingest it. Or might be able to and it just makes Jones feel even worse about herself. I dunno, just think it would be funny is all.

In short, this is an effective tone setter that helps pave the way the story will go on forward, and arguably better then This Bites first chapter. It grabs you with it's evocative writing in Jone's personal headspace throughout the chapter, there is a good sense of blending the worlds together without sacrificing the appeal of either, and finally promises to be an interesting journey for an old tale told in a new & fresh manner.
10/19/2019 c21 1Aysa54
What are you talking about? I’m not terrified because of that ending, not at all! *cue nervous laughter*
10/16/2019 c35 FloydianFan
Fantastic to see this story back and at it. Seriously is one of the best fanfics out there in general, and the fact that it's also a self insert of all things makes it doubly so. (Usually a genre that solely thrives off of wish fulfillment and terrible writing.)

A quick question though - Zoro's whole personality thrives off that he's never going to willingly run from a fight, and that scars on the back are a swordsman's shame. Yet he seemed to get injured on his back from Ohm's Cloud Dial. It just seems Zoro didn't seem to have much of a reaction, though that could be attributed to adreniline and protcting Chopper though. Just wonderering how you'll deal with that next chapter.

Not the best review, but my last one didn't go through for some reason, and not in the mood to rewrite the whole thing again. Sorry about that.
10/15/2019 c12 Evil Reviewer
... okay that was ridiculous but awesome...
10/14/2019 c35 Guest
While perhaps not the most world changing or world developing chapter, which is what I believe Twelve Red Lines excels at, the sheer chaos that unfolded in the fights throughout this chapter helped to make a welcome comeback to a story that was on hiatus for so long. The highlight of course would be Usopp truly earning his namesake with the defeat of his very own Luffy tier opponent (albeit with a less than dignified victory), as well as some of the other battles.

Seeing Johhny and Yosaku actually pull their weight against another opponent that gave the cacnon crew trouble helps to showcase their growth from bumbling, incompetent fools to still bumbling and slightly more competent swordsmiths who happen to have acid for days. As well as seeing Sanji having to reevaluate his attitudes towards women and the chivalrous, if sexist way of thinking
about women and combat. Will Nami be getting Ohm's dial? I know you didn't want to lay the same beats as This Bites, but the crew is going to have to upgrade their power scales for what lies beyond Skypeia.

Another quick observation that I noticed is that Zoro got scratched in the back by Ohm's cloud sword - will their be any notes on that? I just feel like Zoro getting a scar on his back would be the ultimate insult, and he would not be exactly in the best of moods when everything is said and done. Just curious is all.

Sorry if this come across as a random string of consciousness. I'm working right now, and don't have the time to write the most eloquent review. Just wanted to add my two cents, and say it is seriously wonderful to see you back and writing again. This story is up their with This Bites as one of the best stories on this site, and it needs all the likes, favorites and reviews that it once had and more. Just afraid that some people will see the length and lack of reviews and decide the story is garbage when it seriously isn't. Just wanted to add one more to the pile to make it more appealing to the average reader.
10/5/2019 c35 RoseRavenWillow RandomFangirl
Usopp can now proudly say, in all honesty, he defeated God. Good for the tengu!

How angry will the crew be when Usopp and Luffy tell them the brain fart Jones had?

Please tell me Nami will become a true Weather Witch, I love her being a literal force of nature!
10/4/2019 c35 1Theminstrelknight
... Whatever I expected THAT was not what I expected at all. Holy guacamole...
9/25/2019 c35 sahiarea
hiiii ! your fix it's really awesome and I look forward to new chapters.

ps:if you are still searching for Italians or venetians I could help as I am from there! and I have a diploma in classical sstuck for the Latin part.

(sorry if I seem pushy but the mere idea of Italian things in a one piece fanfic make me grin a lot.

ppsare you gonna give the other supernovas apart from law their"canon" nationalities? I would love to see more Scottish Kid and southern Italian Behr

Live your work!
9/23/2019 c12 2sanmitamaya

You. Are. Awesome.

This. Was. Double. Awesome.

I cannot even.
9/23/2019 c35 2HarunoWolf17
Good to see one of my favourite author is back on business! It has been a long wait and I LOVE the new chapter! Especially Usopp's part! Still, the cliffhanger you've leave with the "Keira... my love" is intense! It also worsen considering it was not mention in this chapter too... Anyway, considering the pairing.. it's too bad Ace x Jones might not happen, not really a fan of Robin x Jones since all I'm feeling from it is a sibling vibe like with Jones and Ghin... I love Ace and Jones chemistry in this story and the fact that this one is the Greatest SI OC that has an almost Ace x OC pairing that is VERY well written. The others are... well... yeah hahahahaha. The second Ace x SI OC is a story about a girl being shanks' daughter that decided to be a doctor, also Marino's daughter BUT the ASL trio went out to the sea younger than they are supposed too since the Marines find out she is Shanks' daughter.. can't remember the name of the story though haha.. Anyway, waiting for the next chapter!
9/19/2019 c34 Lance Pendragon
Also that one scene though. How did Jones mistake Kiten for Kitten? JAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Couldn't stop laughing after that, LOL.
9/19/2019 c35 Lance Pendragon
Shit. Last chapter until new update. Haaaaaai Authooooor! o/ Please update soon! o: Also I consider this a close 2nd to Cross-Brain's "This Bites!". \(* *)/
9/18/2019 c35 I-Kan-Spel
Praise! A chapter update! I hope you are doing well.

Your writing is so damn good that it would be a crime to not commit it (partially) to memory. I'm glad I could help! The fact that I noticed commemorates your writing more than anything else.

Your writing helped me numerous times... so please let me help you by reiterating how awesome your writing is!

Also go Usopp! Amazing chapter c:
9/18/2019 c35 RoofCat
So glad I found you again and it's better than I remember! Anyway when are we gonna see Jones make the snail internet (so cool)? Also PLEASE save Merry! (You made me cry over her again so good on you) And give Jones a hug for me, will ya?
9/18/2019 c35 Schazmen
This is a longer kind of review/comment, and I don't do these often. First off, while I haven't read it at this point, I really doubt you will. It's a confusiong thing, even for me. I like the rest of the arc, I just can't take Enel seriously in the canon. His powers, yeah, but not HIM. This Bites did a great job at keeping me hooked, and so far, so have you!
Also, on how you mentioned to a commenter about how you didn't want to rip off This Bites? While it wouldn't hurt to ask them first, considering how Jones is literally a fan of the story, her getting inspiration from it is not ripping it off. Not as I see it, anyway.
It was a really interesting to see you put Wiper against Satori on his own. Though, when Satori called him a half-wit, I found myself actually saying out loud "Who the hell are you calling half-wit, you living incarnation of constipation?!" I was then immediately confused at realizing I said that.
Also, something I forgot to comment on in the last chapter, but something you continnued in this one... I LOVE how Robin turns Sanji's 'chivalry' around and smacks him with it! Putting those two together for this was absolutely brilliant! ...seriously, that's always been a source of annoyance for me. Sure, it's funny, but...
Uh... I think Nami is now a certified pilot, at least at amateur level. That whole sequence was... genuinely awesome!
I always thought Hotori and Kotori were... absolutely pointless in canon. Seriously, did they serve any other purpose than being a momentary distraction? Even so, it's nice to see Conis, Su and Sandrah being badasses! Woo!
Alrighty, time for Enel. Given his ego, I'm not surprised he mistakes puppetry for creating life. Though I am curious as to how, exactly, he controlled the statue. Maybe literally using the electricity to move the soft metal...
Eeh, poor Usopp... Zoro might be a vampire's wet dream, with how much blood he keeps losing, but Usopp consistently gets his ass royally kicked, too... But damn, if he doesn't give Enel a run for his money! In fact... oh my god. Seriously. USOPP of all goddamn people, took out ENEL, of all goddamn people! WOOO!

You may think I'm exaggerating, but I genuinely consider This Bites and this story to be two of the best fanfictions I have EVER read.
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