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for To Be Undefeated

9/1/2019 c1 10WildBoots
Aww, sweet interaction with Brock. I did feel like the jump cut was a little sudden, but overall I liked this.
6/26/2019 c1 2k+Hawki
-“Say, for someone whose Pokemon would never be defeated…”

Minor point, but you capitalized “pokemon” here, while it’s remained lower-case throughout the rest of the story up to this point.

-“Ember and Ratty? Truly a font of originality.”

…okay, I admit it, I nicknamed a rattata “Ratty” way back in the day as well. Then I stopped using nicknames altogether.

-Okay, so, there’s one thing in this story that bugs me, so I’m going to get it out of the way before anything else. And as to that thing…

…okay, I get that this is a case of doing the Nuzlocke challenge in-universe, but the text itself doesn’t provide for it. What I mean is, Nicola declares “Not only will I go undefeated, none of my pokemon will be defeated either.” Except they are, and releasing them doesn’t change the fact that they’ve been defeated. It kind of touches this when she sees Blue, that her beaten rattata is living proof that she’s suffered a defeat, but is she really counting on seeing Blue every time she suffers a defeat? I’m not even sure why the criteria for releasing pokemon is needed, because her words of hoping her rattata finds a better trainer is arguably reason in of itself to release it.

Right, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the fact (well, opinion technically) that this is good. Like, really good. Like, it’s kind of astounding how good it is, because I feel in many ways, it shouldn’t work as well as it does. Translating game mechanics into narrative? Check. Going down the route of “twee?” Check. Playing on nostalgia? Check. Like, I feel given the structure and subject matter, this shouldn’t work as well as it does, but it works. Really works. Works so well that any relation to Nuzlocke feels academic, because it manages to be both cute and moving in the space of 1000 words. That while Nicola’s characterization is technically sparse, she ends up having more character in one chapter than many characters do on this site in entire stories.

So, yeah. Really, really good job.
4/6/2019 c1 23Danny Barefoot
Aw, very touching, with a meaningful moral about overcoming failure that fits well with the game. I feel like the ending could be expanded a little as Nicola realises her mistake and resolves to overcome defeat in future, but her thoughts can be inferred from the story as is, for a complete resolution.
1/26/2019 c1 12Keleri
Nice, I like this take on a "Nuzlocke" and the impossible/unrealistic task it sets up in the world outside the games. Everybody's focused on winning but it's important to lose gracefully too.
1/10/2019 c1 Guest
Such a cute, lovely story! The characteristic was so well done. Excellent to read a story where all of the characters actually behave as children do, in all the nuanced good and bad ways. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
1/10/2019 c1 25Ember A. Keelty
Aw, that was sweet! It's cool to see a story about a starting trainer making mistakes based on logic that only makes sense to young kids, because they ARE young kids. And Nicola is a sympathetic character who is clearly doing her best to be conscientious in spite of her mental framework for that not being entirely in place yet, and I am really glad that she got an older trainer to point her in the right direction - Brock here seems like a really kind and responsible adult, which is great since his job involves interacting with kids during really emotionally packed (though ultimately low-stakes) moments of their coming of age journeys. And the whole thing makes its meta point quite well.
1/9/2019 c1 1SunMoon6798
Several people tried to warn you.

[Haha, children. They're awful! ]

This is just messed up.

[As bad as her solution is, I like the metatextual solution to how a nuzlocke could even be possible. ]

There are thousands of answers to it. This is just uninspired.

[think you did a good job of balance and a really good job of not making this solely about her]

This story is rather poorly done actually.
1/9/2019 c1 155Farla
[After some confusion, everyone got the pokémon they wanted. Well, everyone except Caesar, but that was his fault for wanting a tyranitar. He settled for a charmander after a screaming fit.]

Haha, children. They're awful! (I love that it wasn't just larvitar. Of course the kid expecting to get exactly what he wanted wouldn't limit himself to asking for the first stage.)

[Nicola drew a sharp breath. Yes, she'd said that, but the evidence of her failure lay in her arms, breathing softly. "Ratty isn't actually my pokémon!" she stammered, surprised to have hit upon a solution.]

As bad as her solution is, I like the metatextual solution to how a nuzlocke could even be possible. Of the few other fics that engage with nuzlockes on a decent level, they're generally about creating a grimdark enough world that people are forced into this, but what a nuzlocke really is is a self-imposed challenge for bragging rights.

(And this gives me the idea that someone could actually do relatively straight nuzlocke if it was a matter of pokemon abandoning their trainer in response to a loss rather than an endless murderfest, but I suspect that kind of thing would wreck the power fantasy.)

I think you did a good job of balance and a really good job of not making this solely about her - she made a mistake but not the pile of mistakes it'd have been to blame Ratty for what happened, and Brock's ["That was foolish, but it isn't an all defining moment. You didn't leave Ratty somewhere he couldn't survive and he was a wild pokémon." ] is similarly well-measured. Even as she seems so immature for wanting to stick to a foolish boast, it's obvious she takes her responsibility as a trainer seriously and cares deeply for her pokemon.
1/6/2019 c1 11Incognito Albatross
Aww, such a nice story. I like how you made the Pokemon get released instead of dying - it sort of puts the whole Nuzlocke thing into a less bloody light.
1/5/2019 c1 Fire4Heaven
Hey some advice, if you decide to make a Pokemon you will be targetted by a group of bullies who will falsely review your story. They go by the name "St Elmo's Fire", "Farla", "Reeds of Enki, "DLPxBeAsTxSnIpE", "Talarc", "thisispingas", "Act" and "AshxSelene Writer" and their alt "KawaiiLillipup". It's best to block them before they become a problem for you. Do not talk to them either for as they will send your PM down over at their blog.

Why they do it is rather simple. They think they know better then everyone else. Better to block them. Also spread the word and warn others ok.
1/5/2019 c1 11Motherflipping Oak
A nice story with a good moral. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Nicola.

I love that the kids come across so genuinely child-like, and Blue is delightfully douchey. Likewise, that description of Ember really makes her sound like the cutest thing ever.

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