Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Hurting of Desire

10/15/2019 c1 1Vallalkozo
The whole "mirror of Erised" thing was a bit much perhaps, especially since The Land Before Time usually doesn't feature magical or supernatural elements. But otherwise this was a well written and sad story. Good job.
7/15/2019 c1 8Anagnos
I do have to agree with what people have said before me about your special way to express the character’s emotions and actions. The way that you do it is certainly something to be proud of. I did have a few problems about this story that I will point out later, but we’ll get to that later.

I know that this an older fic, but Petrie’s life doesn’t seem to get any easier with his siblings at all, and it’s honestly devastating to see how they treat their own brother. Okay, I do understand that simply because they’re siblings you can’t expect them to be best friends, but let’s just say that the way Petrie’s siblings treat him from day to day must be very hard indeed for such a young mind to comprehend without going totally insane.

The conversations, especially with Petrie and his mother showed a very detailed and exceptional relationship between the two of them. Of course it would be very much understandable that Petrie would rather spend his time with someone that doesn’t bully him continuously, and it would be very alarming indeed if even his own mother were to see her son like the older children do. Luckily, Petrie’s loving mother has nothing but love for her little darling son. These scenes were pretty much my favorite of the entire story and the dialogue throughout the entire story didn’t feel forced or dull at all.

Now, I did say that I had some problems about this story, and probably my main points would be copying the mirror scene from Harry Potter. Like few others, I feel if you would’ve deviated from the original text a bit and modified it to suit your purposes, not make it sound like someone else wrote it and then you just add it into the story itself. Likewise about Mama Flyer’s very detailed descriptions about autism felt little too forced. About the dream sequence, it was done very well in my opinion, but was unnecessarily long for my taste. I also noticed a few words that you used, like widow for example. Words like this are good examples of what not to write in LBT stories, in my opinion. But the good thing was that you didn’t overuse them.

Every story has at least some faults, and I hope that I could be of assistance by pointing some things out to you that caught my eye. Overall, you managed to create a fantastic story about Petrie’s struggles in his family life and the loving, caring relationship between a son and a mother. At the end of the day, we shouldn’t be concerned about what others might think about our appearance or personality. Just be yourself and let them be them and this story conveyed that message quite well.
4/2/2019 c1 6AllegroGiocoso
Interesting to see Mama Flyer’s Mirror of Erised-like moment. Provides some real nice insight to her character and what she really wants, along with good insight on Pterano and Petrie’s father! I wonder what’s going on with Petrie right now that’s causing him all these night terrors? Good also to see that Petrie has finally learned the truth about his father. A hard one yes, but arguably necessary all the same. Great and powerful description of how severe the storm is, it truly does not sound like the Great Valley anymore, and matches Petrie and his mother’s feelings well.

Petrie’s lack of immediate interest in food, in a time where he should be starving, really is a good indicator of the emotional turmoil he is in. Feel very sorry for Petrie’s night issues, with his night terrors being so intense and frequent. Glad to see Mama Flyer’s determination to help him. Wonder how Petrie will finally break free from the night terror spell he is under? And wonder what specifically about the information about his father and how exactly it traumatizes himself so much? Sadly though, I see no reasons for his sleep stories to improve yet.

The imagery of the sleep story being even colder than reality sets its tone. Being alone here reinforces this even further. Wandering into this scene of death of so many Petrie knows is certainly enough to wet the nest then and there. Love to see how the urge for him to find his friends can get him to fly! Seeing the rest of the gang dead here really brings chills to my spine, the gory details make it even more traumatic. Seeing Ducky in particular here, so desperately wounded and in her last breaths, is getting me teary-eyed, and having her die right in front of him is gut-wrenching. It’s easy to forget this is just a sleep story. Wonder why the sharptooth is chasing Petrie, and how it can speak to him. Seeing Petrie’s mother trying her hardest to save him really gives me the feels as well. The drama of the attempted escape, and the gruesome finale, really illustrate how the night terrors are affecting Petrie so badly.

Good to see the sleep story, and sad but not surprised to see Petrie’s urinated again, and worse than ever this time. Incredible how insensitive his siblings are to his problems. Don’t they realize by insulting Petrie like that, they could only make Petrie more insecure and prone to having accidents? The abusive name-calling and the physical violence Petrie endures really makes my heart pang for him. Don’t blame him from flying away at all.

Glad to see Petrie gets a chance to look at the ice, and vivid details as Petrie makes his discovery. Notice how similar Petrie’s is to that of his mother’s, and can’t imagine for Petrie what it would be like to have a happy and/or complete family. Nice to see that they can share the ice together, and see that they want the same thing. Love to see Petrie’s apology for his comment, along with his elaboration with what he truly meant by it. Also love see Mama Flyer trying to make Petrie feel better about himself, and being able to fully understand what Petrie went through in that sleep story. Rich character development and exploration as Petrie considers his own vulnerabilities. Relieving to see that Petrie’s condition is temporary and hereditary that explains his problems. At least it gives Petrie some comfort as to its cause, and that his worst issues will resolve with time. So unfortunate to see all that Petrie endures until then. Love to see Mama Flyer’s emphasis on how much he has grown The mother-son interaction moments are also very cute! Glad also to see Mama Flyer reminding Petrie of the good he has sin life. Fascinating to also see Mama Flyer gave Petrie Littlefoot’s mother’s famous quote. Hope Petrie’s trip home will be less unpleasant than he thinks.

When will Petrie’s siblings ever learn? Glad to see once again Mama Flyer putting them in their places. And neat to see where the sleeping stars came from in story form. And another nice goodnight scene. Happy to see he’s on the road to recovery!

Very nice insights with your four character stories, and now I see how they all lead up to Secret Love. I’ve enjoyed reading all of these, and while tearjerkers, left me with a rich understanding of Ducky and Petrie and their full stories.
3/5/2019 c1 Agent
I want to see Petries Dad come back to life and take him away to a better home.
1/13/2019 c1 39OwlsCantRead
To be ostracized for being different… in a sense, I'd experienced it firsthand. My younger brother is dyslexic and it had led to speech issues when he was younger, so it is not a new thing to me. People, especially children, have difficulty understanding others who are different, so I can see Petrie being slower on the uptake being as a reason as to why his siblings would bully him (even if it's a little too far).

But I'll concur with Rhombus and Sovereign that while the sleep story was greatly penned down, it could actually have been cut short without any issue as the main bulk of the prose is actually Petrie's talk with Mama Flyer. Being informed of a genetic reason for his behavior... really cuts deep. But the back-and-forth between them helps heal the wounds, and there's not much else I can say about that other than the fact that setting a talk like this in an ice cave where they reminiscence about a happy family is ironic... in a good way.

The final sentence, however, is a very fitting finale though. Petrie is… Petrie. He's fine the way he is, and there's no one else that he would rather be. "Me like meself!" he'd said - it's a perfect summary.
1/11/2019 c1 20The Rhombus
This story does a very impressive job of capturing the conflicted emotions of both Petrie and his mother as they each deal with their own uncertainties and, in the case of Petrie, a quite understandable descent into depression. Though other stories have touched upon Petrie's unhappy family life and the torments of his siblings, I think yours puts the greatest emphasis on it that I have seen in the fandom thus far.

In many ways the trigger for this voyage of self-discovery and a badly needed talk with his mother was the sleep story itself. Though I must share Sovereign's criticism that the sleep story could have been shorter as many of the events therein were superfluous to the story itself, the depiction of the sleep story did convey effectively why Petrie would be in a fragile state of mind. The resulting talk between mother and child was also nicely done as Petrie continues to struggle to come to terms with the reality of what happened to his father and now the knowledge of what condition he might have. Although the almost clinical focus seemed a bit overdone, I can certainly see Petrie having something that might run in his family. In fact many verbal disorders do have a genetic component. On a side note, my own favored explanation for Petrie's grammar issues is "expressive language disorder" which is a condition where one's spoken communication is well below-average for one's age (as is verbal memory), but their language comprehension (and non-verbal memory) is normal or, in some cases, above average. Regardless of what Petrie has, however, his siblings' lack of empathy for his situation is not helping him at all.

Though not without its faults, I found this story to be an excellent depiction of Petrie's and Mama Flyer's emotions as they each deal with their own struggles. Even though these struggles remained throughout the story, the reassurance of Petrie's mother and Petrie's continued self-discovery of his situation and past does give him one thing that was quite absent in the beginning of the tale: hope. As such your story certainly does capture the essence of this month's prompt challenge. :)
1/6/2019 c1 26Keijo6
Again, this story is another example of your unique and extremely effective style of writing. The way you describe the characters’ emotions is simply put superb and Petrie’s sorrow and hurt were tangible throughout this fic. I especially loved the interactions between him and his mother and how the two go over the flyer’s most pressing problems.

The start established the premise quite well as it is a real wonder Petrie hasn’t been more saddened by the antics of his siblings and especially after learning of his father’s fate it is understandable that there is a lot within his mind. The flyer’s waking from his night terror was a good way to bring the prospect of him finally reaching the breaking point with his siblings as well as the main part of this story which really made it more than memorable.

The descriptions of Petrie’s longing to be with his father and that his family would be far nicer to him were quite saddening to read as was the exchange between him and his mother. The way she tried to cheer him up with her most genuine way possible showed very well how much she cared for her son (even telling she’d sacrifice her life for him if needed) and the ending, with her ultimatum to her other children, sealed the story in the best, most satisfying way possible. And the last words… well, let’s say they were the perfect way to finish this fic.

However, this time I also have some criticism about this story. First of all, while the nightmare was intense and terrifying, much of it didn’t serve a clear purpose in the story and it seemed a bit too long for me. As for you bringing the nearly exact copy of the Harry Potter mirror to LBT, that idea had its clear upsides and I liked how you went with that scene but you could have tried to deviate that idea further from Rowling’s text. And finally, Mama Flyer spoke in a bit too detailed way about autism as I don’t think LBT dinosaurs know much about mental conditions. Likewise, Petrie was angered by the thought of being like a baby, only for his mother to call him such a few lines later… that was a bit awkward, imo.

In any case, those things weren’t enough to steal the spotlight from the nice premise (it was quite a coincidence our themes were even this close to each other) and your great touch in creating a deep, intense look into a character’s mind. This story managed to utilize Petrie’s misgivings about his family in an impressive way and this is a great first prompt from you in 2019! Phenomenal job, Diddy!
1/5/2019 c1 TheGrandNil
You have done it once again man, this is and incredible one shot that plays with your heart.

I'm excited for your Chomper x Ruby fix that you promised last year, that is epic.
1/5/2019 c1 Guest
Hey DiddyKF1 I read your Petrie and Ducky romance story Secret Love and it was beautiful and I like it. Just to ask you something when are you gonna make a Chomper and Ruby romance story because last year during February you said you were gonna make that.

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service