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10/9 c4 Ghost Man
This is downright hilarious and so in the spirit of the show. Keep it up!
11/26/2019 c4 49Martin III
Well, it certainly took you long enough to put out another chapter, but I'm glad to see it anyways. This chapter is one of the most mixed bags I've read in a while; there are multiple moments that made a cringe, but also some bits I really liked.

The opening meeting with Haruhi, Kyon, and Koizumi was quite enjoyable. The conversation goes through a lot of topics, rather unpredictably so, and the characters each consistently have enough of their own unique spark that it's never less than engaging.

That Nagato was simply lying came as a surprise, simply because what she said made perfect sense. Her lying in this manner makes a good sort of foreshadowing of The Disappearance. It's an early variation on the threat, where she still has the integrity to come clean about her deception. The bit about the error being gone hints at Nagato's self-sacrificing nature, which probably stems from her species not being individuals in the same way as humans. Through all this, you do a great job of making what Nagato is really saying clear to the reader while simultaneously making it believable that Kyon would not pick up on it himself.

Nagato bringing up porn rubbed me the wrong way. It makes sense that after witnessing Kyon and Haruhi getting hot for each other in the previous chapter, Nagato might want to look into the details of human intercourse, but showing it to Kyon feels a bit contrived. Thinking it over, Nagato might have brought it out in the subconscious hope of putting Kyon on the outs with Haruhi, but my gut reaction was that it's over-the-top.

Haruhi's argument with Tsuruya is brilliantly horrible to watch. I can easily sympathize with Haruhi in her frustration at putting together a big group project only to have other members call out at the last minute. Even given Haruhi's frightening tyranny, Mikuru not even giving notice to her directly is pretty low, and Tsuruya's "I thought I mentioned it to Kyon" is a pretty transparent attempt to pass the buck. Haruhi's reaction isn't even all that unreasonable. At the same time, it makes sense that Tsuruya would get triggered by any put-downs directed at Mikuru. Also, it's nice to see Taniguchi being genuinely useful for something other than moral support, especially as you don't even exaggerate his abilities to do so.

Just one problem there: "You can't argue that it's true she has an obligation to fulfill in the calligraphy club ..." I couldn't make any sense of this sentence. It almost seems to say the opposite of what was meant.

The subsequent discussion between Haruhi and Kyon is great, too. Haruhi's very smart; she just has trouble seeing things from other people's perspectives. And it's always sweet, in a paradoxical way, that Kyon feels no need to hold back his anger at her. The Coconut pet name may be too cutesy to be in-character for Kyon, but I like it anyway. I love how the scene ends by smoothly and unexpectedly seguing into the idea of the SOS Brigade entering the competition.

The scene in the gymnasium is where things really go to the other end of the spectrum. Haruhi usurping the PA system is fine, but her commentary is gratuitously confrontational (even by Haruhi standards) and unfunny. "I whispered to the boy next to me" is an odd, and honestly confusing, way of introducing Taniguchi's presence. It's also not very clear what Tsuruya is saying to "the rest of Mikuru's classmates", or indeed why she would be speaking specifically to her classmates at all (I'm guessing you meant the rest of the calligraphy club, but that's just a guess). The goofy bits, e.g. "It's a heart to heart!" and Haruhi's speech to Mikuru, felt jarring and just weren't funny. Oddly though, the scene's ending worked pretty well for me.

Kind of a cool lead in to the next chapter. It's a decent twist to end things on, and the Brigade being involved in a competition always has potential. Also, the line "I'm not exactly a football player and I prefer to stay upright." made me grin. Not a bad usage of that running joke.
5/14/2019 c3 18Xx-DarkCrimson-xX
Loved it and nice dragon ball z abridge joke
3/30/2019 c3 49Martin III
This is another entertaining chapter. The opening discussion of the movie is good natural Kyon/Haruhi parlaying, and flows smoothly into the more weighty subject of their future. Kyon's dodging of the issue is so characteristic of him that for a moment this doesn't even feel like fan fiction. Kyon does tend to be painfully insensitive on the rare occasions when Haruhi shows any human emotion - at this point in the series chronology, at least.

Haruhi entertaining the notion of dating Nagato seems to contradict their discussion from episode 1, where she nixes the idea of dating on account of not wanting to wind up with "a big burden". It's subtle, but since members of the same sex can't procreate, that implies romantic affairs with other females are out of the running.

I didn't care for the sequence where Kyon falls on Tsuruya. I've never bought into the anime premise that falling on top of someone is at all likely to result in a position that could be mistaken as sexual, and even Haruhi would have noticed the combined weight of two people leaning against the door when she pushed it open.

The Mikuru folder is a hidden folder; that's why Haruhi didn't find it. Also, in episode 6 it's shown to be inside an "SOS" parent folder rather than on the desktop.

Kyon teaching Haruhi how to digitally edit is good subtle development of their relationship. As usual Haruhi is rude and Kyon endures it, but it's a rare, perhaps even unprecedented instance of Haruhi openly receiving assistance from Kyon. And it's always nice to see them doing ordinary teen stuff together.

Tsuruya and Taniguchi seem like a natural enough couple: Taniguchi will go after any girl with decent looks, and Tsuruya seems like she'd be willing to try any boy bold enough to ask her out. It's not that either of them have low standards, more that they're bolder with the dating scene than most. Kyon's a fool to be so surprised.

Speaking of which, I agree with SomeOldBloke that Kyon should've known what Nagato was trying to tell him - or at least, should have figured it out. It wouldn't make sense for her to drop a book on them just to initiate a conversation with Kyon that they could have had at any time. It occurred to me afterwards that Kyon might have been playing dumb because he has no intention of keeping his hands off Haruhi if given the opportunity but doesn't want to admit that to Nagato, but somehow I don't get the impression that that's what was intended.

Anyway, the roughhousing and eventual foreplay over the mouse was good, coming about so naturally that I never suspected where it was headed. That's just how a romance should progress.
3/30/2019 c3 Guest
This is another entertaining chapter. The opening discussion of the movie is good natural Kyon/Haruhi parlaying, and flows smoothly into the more weighty subject of their future. Kyon's dodging the issue is so characteristic of him that for a moment this doesn't even feel like fan fiction. Kyon does tend to be painfully insensitive on the rare occasions when Haruhi shows any human emotion - at this point in the series chronology, at least.

Haruhi entertaining the notion of dating Nagato seems to contradict their discussion from episode 1, where she nixes the idea of dating on account of not wanting to wind up with "a big burden". It's subtle, but since members of the same sex can't procreate, that implies romantic affairs with other females are out of the running.

I didn't care for the sequence where Kyon falls on Tsuruya. I've never bought into the anime premise that falling on top of someone is at all likely to result in a position that could be mistaken as sexual, and even Haruhi would have noticed the combined weight of two people leaning against the door when she pushed it open.

The Mikuru folder is a hidden folder; that's why Haruhi didn't find it. Also, in episode 6 it's shown to be inside an "SOS" parent folder rather than on the desktop.

Kyon teaching Haruhi how to digitally edit is good subtle development of their relationship. As usual Haruhi is rude and Kyon endures it, but it's a rare, perhaps even unprecedented instance of Haruhi openly receiving assistance from Kyon. And it's always nice to see them doing ordinary teen stuff together.

Tsuruya and Taniguchi seem like a natural enough couple: Taniguchi will go after any girl with decent looks, and Tsuruya seems like she'd be willing to try any boy bold enough to ask her out. It's not that either of them have low standards, more that they're bolder with the dating scene than most. Kyon's a fool to be so surprised.

Speaking of which, I agree with SomeOldBloke that Kyon should've known what Nagato was trying to tell him - or at least, should have figured it out. It wouldn't make sense for her to drop a book on them just to initiate a conversation with Kyon that they could have had at any time. It occurred to me afterwards that Kyon might have been playing dumb because he has no intention of keeping his hands off Haruhi if given the opportunity but doesn't want to admit that to Nagato, but somehow I don't get the impression that that's what was intended.

Anyway, the roughhousing and eventual foreplay over the mouse was good, coming about so naturally that I never suspected where it was headed. That's just how a romance should progress.
3/27/2019 c3 SomeOldBloke
Enjoyed this - its an easy and fun story to read, and flows consistently.

Amusing too to read chapter 3 after Martin III's review of 2 :)

Kyon and Haruhi are recognisably themselves, although a little OOC (for me). Kyon probably ought to be already aware aware what Nagato was trying to tell him in the last section too.
3/21/2019 c3 fencer29
What could happen if Haruhi were to have a child?

It's possible that during labor she would create a closed space which would engulf the entire universe. However if the universe survived she might develop into a caring, if rather eccentric single mother who's young daughter would be recruited by a highly secretive (and very selective) agency to be trained as a time agent, only to find that her first assignment would call for her to infiltrate a seemingly ordinary high school in order to observe one of the students. The cover name she was to used for this assignment - Asahina Mikaru. (credits to Kurushi's "The Anagram of Suzumiya Kurumi")

Meanwhile Kyon might as well say goodbye to that umbrella (along with any hope of remaining dry).
3/1/2019 c2 SomeOldBloke
Enjoyed these two chapters, good job. Much of this reads very much like everyday SOS brigade capers, more so with the side-characters around (Taniguchi especially, including Haruhi's put-downs).

To me, Haruhi and Kyon are still a bit too forward with each other, hard to see them getting into any level of relationship talk at this stage in the story, and for Haruhi especially exposing herself to the risk of openly raising it. Conversely, the kicking session or moving closer while asleep feels more in keeping with canon.

Minor nitpick, generally would benefit from a bit more attention to details / continuity. Things like the other group outside the elevator after Kyon had tried to force the doors closed, or the concept of outrunning Haruhi (a challenge even without an armload of kit). Minor stuff though.
2/23/2019 c2 Martin III
Very good chapter. There are a few slightly out-of-character moments, but the situations are pretty fresh and the pacing is such that I couldn't put it down until I'd read the whole thing (probably normal for most people, but fairly unusual for me).

Taniguchi's anger at the beginning terrifically amused me. There's just something about how his dialogue is so in-character and how no one else gives a care about his somewhat legitimate complaint.

Kyon's decision to go inside Nagato's apartment is nicely understated. As always, he chooses to go with Haruhi. By contrast, the subsequent talk between Haruhi and Kyon is too direct. It's not bad, and I do think they are capable of being honest with their feelings, but they tend to tell each other that they consider each other friends in ways other than saying "I consider you a friend".

Spin the bottle is an odd choice for three people, what with there being only three possible combinations, and even though she's straight, I think Haruhi would view kissing Yuki as an interesting experiment at worst. She's never been adverse to doing socially taboo things. In fact, when I think about it, from Haruhi's perspective kissing Yuki is the best of the three possible outcomes of the game: kissing Kyon in front of Yuki would be mortifying, and Kyon kissing Yuki right when she's concerned about how much time they're spending together would be touching a sore wound. All the more reason why I think Haruhi wouldn't allow spin the bottle to be played.

The under-the-table kicking and round of Monopoly both made me smile with their fun dialogue. These sequences work well with the characters. It was never covered in the TV series, but one of the many charming aspects of Haruhi and Kyon's growing relationship is how comfortable they are physically sparring with each other. Some would label it as repressed sexuality, but I've always found there's an innocence about it, and it's great to see that motif reflected so well in the kicking contest.

It figures that Haruhi would come out on top in a game like Monopoly, and enjoy it at every turn. I'm curious about the house rules they're using... The most expensive property in Monopoly is $400, so why is Haruhi buying a mortgaged property for a whopping $1,100? Is she being a lot more generous to Kyon than he's willing to point out? (Actually, I'm guessing you just wrote an extra "1" or "0", since the absence of a comma suggests a three-digit figure was meant. But plot speculations are more fun. :) ) And how big is their fine for getting out of jail that it would leave Kyon "without a penny" right after getting that payment?

I had the same reaction as fencer29 to Nagato's literalism... I enjoy the idea of her attempting this sort of humor, but I'm not sure that was the authorial intent, if only because Kyon doesn't comment on it. It was funny, anyway. Albeit not half as funny as the image of her sitting there reading while Kyon puts the moves on Haruhi, then abruptly announcing "Pizza time" when he moves in for a kiss.

There's some intrigue in Nagato's timing there, too. Is it jealousy? Or has the Data Overmind decided to put a stop to any behavior that might lead to Haruhi breeding, because who knows what will happen to her power if she has a child?

Anyway, it isn't something I'd expect to happen at this point in Kyon and Haruhi's relationship, but it works. Part of it is simply that I love the couple, but mainly, the randomness of Haruhi ending up atop a sleeping Kyon (I guess in The Surprise he could've said to her, "Now it's my turn" :) ) and the roleplaying nature of their dialogue makes it a more organic development. They're playing with emotions and affections without acknowledging that they feel them for real. And though I say "randomness", it doesn't escape me that Haruhi might have subconsciously wanted to sleep a lot closer to Kyon. It's only random in that neither one of them could have planned it.
2/14/2019 c2 fencer29
Could Nagato be attempting to develop a sense of humor here? Or at least attempting to emulate one - perhaps to allow her to better interact with humans)? She may think in exact terms, but she usually doesn't take things so literally as to respond to common expressions like "What's up?" with a textbook definition of the word.
1/31/2019 c1 Martin III
As with The Sigh of Kyon, the delivery here is quite good, with solid pacing that never goes dull, colorful Kyon narrative, and plenty going on. And in this one the characterizations are... not exactly perfect, but credible and consistent. I enjoyed this.

Kyon's complaints are a little too exaggerated, even for Kyon. On the plus side, you've got Haruhi's uniquely warped logic pretty much down pat, and her lines are consistently entertaining. I have to question why they need to take a car, since Nagato's apartment is in walking distance of the school (as confirmed in The Surprise) and they always go by train to any place not within walking distance, but Haruhi's enthusiasm for a car chase scene is delightful, so I feel like I can let that one slide.

"It's everyday with you" is an expression I've never heard before. Is it a typo? If not, what's it mean?

"Roses are red, bees like to buzz..." Hmm. I wonder what Haruhi was planning to rhyme with "buzz" that could possibly be at all romantic.

It's the fun little bits of nonsense that work best here, like Haruhi lying on the floor of the elevator. Few of the sequences are developed much, but that's part of what makes them fun to read; it's like binging on a month's worth of a newspaper comic strip. Most of them I found funny and/or cute, and those which I didn't were over too quickly for them to feel in the way.

Though there's no real plot, you nonetheless manage a strong ending: Kyon getting corrupted by Haruhi's crazy spontaneity and giving Taniguchi a semi-deserved comeuppance is unexpected, amusing, and a fitting point at which to close things. And a stream of connected SOS Brigade antics, with no tension, works as a Haruhi Suzumiya fic.
1/28/2019 c1 Cornelius McMuffin
"Life's kinda cool sometimes."
I want this on my tombstone.

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