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for Harry Potter, Self-Insert

2/25/2019 c8 d1n0s
I'm enjoying this story, it is funny and different enough to not be an exact copy but similar enough to not be completely out there.
Thank you for the chapters you've written up to this point.
2/22/2019 c8 Fast Frank
A lot more fun than some of the reviews led me to believe.
2/22/2019 c2 Fast Frank
"Dumb Eldor!" :)
2/23/2019 c8 4a guy1013
just keep updating
2/23/2019 c8 91RebeccaRoy
NIce, so very nice, and perfect house, that is my house and Ravenclaw is a great house.
2/22/2019 c8 Lauramichca
Normally I'm not much of one for self(?)-inserts, but you were right about this having a certain humour to it, and I've found it pretty fun.

Thanks for sharing
2/22/2019 c7 RebeccaRoy
Nice, glad that you self insert has some problems here, it makes things real. Wait, at the end, did you have Harry Rickroll Hermione?
2/22/2019 c7 7Mischief Managed-Up To No Good
Excuse me while I go laugh my head off and favorite this Fan Fiction...
2/10/2019 c6 Geeknasty
Great job with the story so far! Keep it up. I'm wondering what the reaction will be from Dumbledore. Will the wards around privat drive fall and alert him or will he only find out when Harry's Hogwarts letter is sent?
2/3/2019 c5 Blackdrake
I love your self insert. Can't wait til he reaches Hogwarts and runs completely over Dumbles plans. This will be really funny. I just hope you won't bash him. I know he is more than a little difficult, but he means well.
2/2/2019 c1 Tenchi
Nice start but others have done so to also. It like this they update so many chapters after you get into it and let you are let down so one hope it not be same case with you. I leave it up to you on that. I like to see what happen in this like how he deal with things becoming harry potter. Hope keep chapters coming.
2/3/2019 c6 ProblemPixie
They way you have the first line written is a little odd. "Don't call him a freak and give that back!" reads as if Hermione is telling the bullies "Don't call Harry a freak and then give the book back". You would want to divide it into two sentences, or go with "Give that back, and DON'T call him a freak!" or something similar.

'Aunt' doesn't need to be capitalized, nor does 'godfather', 'magic', or 'wizarding world'(I know I say this a lot, sorry! I read each chapter once and then read it a second time and write the review as I go along!)

I've been noticing that there's a few places where you should have a comma, but use a period instead. Right after discussing Kreacher and the locket, in the next section, you have 'Apparently. the years of Dementor exposure [...]'. What you need is 'Apparently, the years of [...]".

'Dementor' does not need to be capitalized. 'Diary' does not need to be capitalized. 'Ring' and 'dragon' do not...you get the drift.

Now, I have to bring up something in regards to another reviewer. I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to, crude and screaming and unhelpful. He mentioned that you're 'grooming' Hermione. I don't know if he's just spoiling for a fight, a jerk, or has bad reading comprehension, but I have to argue what he said; I don't see any hint that you're 'grooming' Hermione at all. There's been no inappropriate talk, no sexual tension, no signs that you somehow want to manupilate an 8 year old girl into marriage. I don't know WHERE Neko got that sickening idea.

The one concern I do have that Neko and I agree on is that things seem to be going suspiciously easy for you. Now, I know this was in regards to a reddit thread from awhile back, and also that you may just be doing this for fun, and that the whole POINT of the story is a 'fix-it' - but you won't find a lot of feedback if you/Harry always get your way with little effort and no drama, struggles, or weaknesses. People don't generally like to read a lot of godlike OP powerwank stories, and that's something that can accidentally happen all too easily in self-insert stories. Just..be cautious, is all.

Also in regards to Neko's flames (which they are, as they're essentially whining and threatening to quit reading, then he keeps on reading anyway..) don't get discouraged if what he's said upsets you. I don't see him offering any real advice or writing anything of his own.

Since this is your last chapter so far, I'll probably end up making this my longest review so far. I hope you don't mind my long reviews or think that I'm too nitpicky or anything; just trying to help, as you posted on reddit about the fic.

My advice to you is to get a beta reader to doublecheck for the things I've mentioned (improper capitalizations, incorrect names, punctuation, etc), because that's something that's REALLY EASY to miss as an author. You get used to seeing your own writing on the page, and YOU know what you meant to write, so your mind tends to edit out the errors without you seeing. Someone else proofreading can fix this.

As well, make sure you have some plot, drama, struggles, etc, to avoid becoming a trope-y powerwank. You earlier mentioned Harry in HPMoR was a jerk and too know-it-all-y, but your Harry is in danger of heading that way IF things continue on as is and he faces no challege that he can't beat. Yes, you're an 18-year-old in an 8-year-old's body and things are easy now - that's fine - but they can't always be.

18 (technically 21 by the time you get to Hogwarts) or not, you WERE a muggle and never actually studied magic, so first year shouldn't be that easy for you. You may find that you're complete shit at Charms, for example, and barely manage to pass. You may realize that, book knowledge or not, you get SUPER lost in Hogwarts all of the time. You may accidentally offend Ron and not end up instant friends, or you may do something wrong in the bathroom that leads to a student getting really hurt by the troll (I assume Hermione won't be this student, as you're now her friend and Ron's comment shouldn't lead to her crying in the loo).

Also keep in mind, the more you instantly change the plot, the less you can rely on your future knowledge. Butterfly Effect, you know. One little thing you change can really screw things up for you later down the line.

I'll leave it here for now, and best luck on the rest of the story!
2/3/2019 c5 ProblemPixie
Hah, called it! I'm happy to see Hermione show up.

I don't know why I was surprised to see you have Hermione skip 2 grades - it's never mentioned in canon, but I can certainly see it being something she'd have done!

Just throwing out there again - don't need to capitalize 'magic'. :) Same with when you mentioned accidental magic - no caps needed.

'Freak' doesn't need to be capitalized as you have it; it would be 'He called me a freak' OR 'He called me 'Freak'.'

'Aunt' and 'uncle' don't need caps here, either.

'Godfather's' doesn't need to be capitalized there.

Oof, ouch - I was afraid Tyler would take offense..

('Muggle' does not need to be capitalized.)

Well, I bet Tyler is going to regret this!
2/3/2019 c4 ProblemPixie
I like the title on this one, it gave me a good chuckle!

It's odd that Sirius would allow Harry/you to be alone with Kreacher, someone he doesn't trust and actively despises.

You mention 'apparition' in this chapter - an apparition is a ghost or ghost-like image of a person, or type of hallucination. In this case, you WANT to capitalize it - Apparition. Aparate. Disaparate.

In that same sentence, you mention "I and Kreacher were in an empty room"; this is incorrect. It should be 'Kreacher and I'.

'Fiendfyre' ought to be capitalized.

Is that a hint at Hermione I see? Nice!
2/3/2019 c3 ProblemPixie
I hope I'm not coming across as too nitpicky, as I'm trying to help out..!

'Aunt' does not need to be capitalized where Remus says it, as it isn't at the start of a sentence and is not used to refer to her AS Aunt Petunia, but rather just 'your aunt'. Similarly, 'tutor' and 'magic' shouldn't be capitalized there.

Imo, the 'Dumb Eldor' thing is a bit grating - an adult should have more self control, and the child people consider you at the moment would have more respect.

A small thing stood out to me - Remus should not have been able to send a Compulsion Charm (which SHOULD be capitalized, as it's a proper name), or in fact do any magic there at all. When Dobby got Vernon's guests with that cake in canon, Harry was blamed. When Harry blew up Marge in PoA, the Ministry know about it. In book 5, when Harry used the Patronus Charm, MoM detected it. Because Privet Drive/Little Whinging is a muggle area, and Harry is the only known magical person to reside there, he would be instantly blamed for Remus' magic and someone (likely Hogwarts staff at the behest of the Ministry/Mafalda Hopkirk) would send someone over to see why such a young child was doing not only magic, but an actual, purposeful Compulsion Charm. This is particularly an issue as you have Remus doing this charm repeatedly.

'Holly' and 'phoenix' do not need to be capitalized in regards to Harry's/your wand.

'Pouring' over books.

'Physics' and 'chemistry' do not need to be capitalized, nor do 'theory' or 'magic' unless you're referring to a book CALLED 'Theory of Magic'.

'Prison' should not be capitalized.

I like the scene between you and Remus discussing your/Harry's father and their friendship!

In the letter to Mad-Eye, 'professionals' does not need to be capitalized. Also, I can't be sure if this was purposeful yet or not (disregard my statement if you did it as a plot point) but the letter to Mad-Eye certainly seems to implicate the Weasley's and makes it sound as if they were hiding Wormtail on purpose.

In the next scene, between you and Remus - you've forgotten to capitalize the 'what' in 'What did happen?".

When Sirius asks about your life with the Dursley's, 'aunt' and 'uncle' do not need to be capitalized.

Things are moving fast! I'm glad Sirius is free, but it seems like everything is just speeding on by.
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