Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for the Protocol

3/16/2019 c1 45Igenlode Wordsmith
I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced by the idea of a hitman who kills people simply by tempering with their medical records - surely most people don't take daily medication? You might have to wait several years before your victim visited the doctor at all if he was in normally healthy condition (I can't remember when I last went...), which wouldn't be much use to most mobsters.
Of course, you could arrange to have him injured first in a non-fatal way :-p

I'm amused by the idea of the Persian's being assigned as an undercover agent because he wasn't fit enough to pass for active service ;-D
So it's not that he failed his training - he was never part of the FBI at all, he just applied and was rejected? (And then called back for an emergency job?)

I wonder why the Sultan would have wanted to choose a hideously scarred and mentally disturbed small boy as a "living doll" for his daughter, when he could have come up with something more obviously appealing and attractive? It doesn't sound like a very welcome present for a little girl...
(Perhaps because nobody cared what happened to Achmed, so the Sultan could make use of him however he liked. All the same, you'd have thought he could have found another and less deficient unwanted child. But perhaps the little girl felt sorry for him, like the girls who always want to adopt the runt of the litter.)

For someone who doesn't actually *like* computers, it seems odd that the first we see of him is as a teenage boy playing a video game, and that he is described as regarding humans the same as characters in computer games, and regarding hacking as being just another game - up to this point in the story, we have had the impression of someone who sees the whole world via his computer obsession, the classic 'nerd', so the sudden disclaimer comes as a bit of a shock. Especially as he later suffers from "withdrawal symptoms" on being deprived of computer access!

"he thought that if the Sultan and everyone else would be removed and the FBI locked him and the Sultana up together his world would very much stay the same" - so being safely locked up in his familiar little flat to ensure that nothing can change is Achmed's idea of paradise? :-(

I can't help seeing the FBI's point of view - to allow the boy to "become human", i.e. to achieve independence, is to set a dangerous self-motivated weapon loose on the world with no remaining means of controlling it. If he learns to make judgements for himself on what is good and what is bad, who knows what unwelcome answers he may come up with? :-(

"The main problem was that the people who tried to make him a weapon again succeeded, they gave him even more tools, taught him even more skills" - indeed. Only he is no longer dependent and no longer easily controllable, and now even *more* dangerous...(although apparently he at least doesn't hold a grudge against the FBI for their earlier treatment of him, since he took a job there of his own accord).

It's a bit like trying to train a velociraptor; as soon as it works out that it's an adult and it doesn't actually *need* you, you're just potential dinner the moment something takes place that sets its will against yours.
3/3/2019 c1 lewovo
Wow it’s such a great story and interesting setting too! The ending is definitely disturbing (poor Persian!)
2/12/2019 c1 MyNina
I am rather curious where the Persian ' s story will lead our ghost! Your descriptions of Erik are well into Leroux', I am a huge fan of the lunatic man, and unfortunately he has the whole internet to his feet nowadays oOo
I cannot wait to see who 'she' is, the Sultana or maybe Christine? Hope to read more soon!
2/11/2019 c1 QueenoftheNight82
I'd be interested in seeing where this goes!
2/10/2019 c1 10angelofnight
A tiny bit dry for my personal taste. But still good and interesting. A nice birthday treat.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service