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3/28/2019 c3 Ethan576
I must admit the decoy had me fooled until the last minute. This was a clever and interesting development and I can't wait to see what the Chaw will attempt to do next. Especially considering Nyra will be directly involved in transporting the real flecks to the island.

The best part of this chapter is Johan's perspective. I think it was done convincingly. It effectively makes the Chaw's attacks, composed of characters we have come to be familiar with and root for in the books, to seem strangely unfamiliar and hostile. Just as the nobody- Pure One soldier that would be cut down by the heroes without a second thought. This makes things much more realistic and morally grayed as compared to the books which, I presume, is part of the goal of the story. The Pure One ideology may be flawed and one dimensional, but not all the soldiers within their ranks! The same can be said for the way the Sergeant appears to value the lives of his subordinates.

I note the more minor but important details related to worldbuilding were present. Things like the words owls use in the books for certain concepts, Otulissa insulting Pure One intelligence, and the considerations for how an ember would be carried without a bucket are there and it helps make a more immersive story.

All in all, not bad for 5 hours writing!
3/28/2019 c3 ScroomBuster124
As for this chapter I would give a 7/10
3/10/2019 c2 ScroomBuster124
8/10
3/8/2019 c2 Ethan576
To preface this review with a comment on the ending A/N: Given the new way things have been set up thus far (relative to the books), I would hardly say this story is boring even now, before it delves into the events that are to follow.

Soren's daymare leaves the possibility that this is some type of foreshadowing on his future decisions. What exactly it could imply is not obvious so far, but it is an intriguing detail to think about. Equally curious is Mist's "peculiar" feeling. I am interested in seeing what this could have been about.

Further strange things of note is the fact that The Rogue Smith has relocated, and the fact that the Pure Ones are using at least six bags of flecks instead of only three. I have several possibilities floating around my mind as to why Thora would have changed locations, but what exactly Kludd intends to do with the extra flecks is unknown until later chapters.

Multiple POVs have been implemented in this story, one of which gives the perspective of Kludd and Nyra themselves. This has revealed the true extent of the Siege on the Great Tree. It is an interesting detail that the Pure Ones have secured only the outer branches so far. I prefer this in-depth explanation- it explains precisely how such a siege would be performed physically instead of glossing over it.

"Take a detachment of your best troops with you, the winterlies should pose no danger to you or them". This is something that will surely be especially exciting to read, the fact that Nyra is undertaking the defense of these flecks herself and with skilled escort makes it doubtful that the Chaw will ever be able to do much to stop the flecks from being transported to the island. Only further reading will tell...

And (even though the beginning A/N indicates that you are aware of this and simply aren't stressing over such details excessively) , just to avoid the impression of one-sided praise, I have noted a few spelling/ grammar related issues here and there. But as quickly as this minor flaw is pointed out, it is negated by the fact that the descriptive writing makes the story flow perfectly well, and conveys the meaning of the content quite effectively.

The only other nitpick I can scrounge up would be the frequency of POV shifts. It may not be possible with the shorter nature of this particular story, but for bigger stories, I recommend going longer before shifting perspectives. This is simply to make it easier to absorb what set of events already happened to a given character(s) and let them sink in before moving on the the next. All of this said, I find the value of the different POVs to outweigh this point and would rather have the story with them than without.

As ever, I look forward to reading the following chapters!
3/7/2019 c2 Larc rivereagle
That nightmare scene was really well done. The only thing that drew me out of it (as I was expecting a gut punch just like it) and realize it was a dream was that Soren had battle claws during the second stage of the dream.
My only high level concerns so far is some of Soren's thought dialouge sounding more like narration in parts than a stream of 's sister, Eglantine..." is an example of this) Also the start of the scene with Kludd and Nyra is a little clunky.

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