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9/20 c1 Venerabledemon
dont make him see the starks as family, they arent worth it
1/3/2020 c1 Guest
Updates?
1/3/2020 c4 MajorChaos13
With the whole ice thing. Id say it was pointless having him take it with him. He is going to valeryia. There would plenty of swords and blades there
4/14/2019 c4 1Divine Ray
A different plot, feels it have the potential to became great
4/12/2019 c4 Elijah
Next chapter, please update soon.
4/11/2019 c4 Guest
Awesome hoping for more updates soon and looking forward to seeing what happened with jon or whatever his name is
3/7/2019 c3 DashBoy47
Nice story, please update soon.
2/22/2019 c3 4Valkorion510
Tr
2/22/2019 c2 Valkorion510
T
2/22/2019 c3 alperez
I love the premise, it's a very cool and different take on Jon going to Valiriya and it's the first time i've seen it done while he's so young (did you age him up btw i was sure he was younger in the first chapter).

I do have a couple of suggestions though and please forgive me if this was something you were going to address later.

some point explain Jon's cleverness and maturity, he's still a boy, but seems to be way more advanced, he's made what seems to be a complex plan which no child even in a world wih the awesome Lyanna Mormont in it should be able to without some explanation.

2. Not sure if you meant it this way but the words Jon spoke to Jory and his response to them make it seem Jon will be fighting against the Stark's, if so you'll need to give context to why and if that's not your inteent maybe that needs cleaning up.

't have him use ice, it makes no sense, i know it seems cool but it's impractical and suspends belief that a boy of Jon's could carry it let alone weild it,not to mention sneak it away from Winterfell.

I can buy Jon sneaking away some gold and himself but a huge greatsword is a bit much imo.

Anyway apart from some tigtening up here and there, a really cool start and i look forward to reading more, KUDOS.
2/22/2019 c1 Valkorion510
Everyone,I've made some changes to the grammar and story building of the first chapter. The rewritten version has just been posted.

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