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for Winter's Cold Bliss

11/15/2020 c21 4FranFranWriter
I'm really proud of how put together this chapter is! There was maybe one run on sentence and Old is spelled Ol (or maybe you meant something like Ol' ?) but the rest of the chapter was perfect! If this is burning you out, you don't have to constantly force yourself to write new chapters. Been there, done that. When you do that writing feels like a chore, it should be fun! I'm curious to see how the Despair Sisters will reck the Naegi household for Christmas
8/12/2020 c20 FranFranWriter
As i said before i really like your story, but i need to be frank with you. Your grammar needs a bit of work. I hope you don't get offended by my constructive criticism, I'm really not trying to do that. I just think if you fixed the grammar it'd make not only the story better and easier to follow, but make you a better writer. In your writing a lot of quotations are missing. Either the beginning quotation for a dialogue is missing, or there isn't any to begin with. There's also a lot of run on sentences. Sometimes it's better to split a really long sentence into two. In the latest chapters I've noticed words that should be in sentences missing. This forces me to think about what you were trying to say, and this doesn't always work. Repetition is also something I've noticed. The whole permiss of the story is what Junko does while she sleepwalks, so it becomes a bit redundant to hear Junko’s asleep or unaware of what she's doing since she's asleep over 3 times a chapter. I'm sorry if i offended you in any way, i just believe if you proofread your story a bit more, or have someone else do it, whether it's a friend or beta reader, your story could better even better. Regardless, i eagerly await your next chapter
8/11/2020 c11 FranFranWriter
I'm very amused by this story and am very invested. Ahhh Naekusaba is my OTP too, so that makes the story even better
7/4/2020 c18 7Wonders and Madness
This chapter was hilarious, So Sleepy Junko is a gamer? Watch out Chiaki, she's coming for your talent lol
4/29/2020 c15 Wonders and Madness
lol oh my god I can't stop laughing at Junko ratting her sister out. Now Makoto knows Mukuro likes him...possibly, he is kind of thick-headed although Junko was very...descriptive
4/15/2020 c14 Wonders and Madness
Teruteru should be afraid, Sleepy Junko is coming for his talent, lol this chapter was hilarious, Poor Mukuro, The Naegi's are weird, normal people wouldn't be so accommodating at 4 in the morning
3/9/2020 c13 Wonders and Madness
Poor Mukuro, well Makoto is kind of thick headed so maybe he won't catch on unless Sleepy Junko straight out says, "Hey Naegi my unattractive sister wants to have ugly, happy go lucky babies with you"
1/8/2020 c12 Wonders and Madness
Uh-oh what's Junko gonna do now, can't wait to see
12/15/2019 c1 9Doomstar87
I'm honestly proud of myself for writing this story and this chapter took me days to come up with , the classic feeling of turning your fantasy thoughts into reality for me. It's what I feel writing my first fanfic lol.
12/15/2019 c11 Kleptor
Great story so far
12/14/2019 c10 7Wonders and Madness
Damn Junko that was epic, lol now all I want to see sleepy Junko fight Sakura and Mukuro
11/12/2019 c9 Wonders and Madness
Oh god, this is going to be interesting, I can't wait to see what havoc Junko reeks now that she is getting violent in her sleep walking
9/18/2019 c8 6Just.InStories
I really love this story! Everyone's interactions are pretty excellent and true to their character! While I do say keep a more watchful eye for grammar mistakes, this is a fine piece of work!
9/17/2019 c8 7Wonders and Madness
lol sleepy Junko is best Junko
8/3/2019 c7 Wonders and Madness
omg I am loving this
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