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3/24/2019 c1 7Roove
I agree with the first review. Personality-wise, Astrid seems much more like a female version of Aster. Even the names are similar (Aster-Astrid).

This was a decent first chapter though. My one suggestion: do something about her cocky attitude at some point. If nothing changes in that regard, she'll become unlikable very quickly.

Jaden had a carefree attitude and did his fair share of talking back to his "betters", but he was never a straight-up asshole about it. I'm not suggesting that you should copy his character to the letter, but realize what makes characters likable. See Astrid as having room for character development.
3/24/2019 c1 35Zero Slash One
This needs a ton of work.

Plot-wise, this chapter makes the stock mistake of "Entrance Exam writedown". Character-wise, it makes a few small-but-damning blunder that lean "Astrid" a fair bit in the Mary Sue direction - she's handed generic powerful cards, she's put on a pedestal as Jaden's peer, she copycats *his* story and meeting with Sho.

Most disappointingly of all, the story seemed like it was setting up for a "pride before a fall" moment - have Astrid's cockiness lead to an ass-kicking. That would've both been a nice change of pace from the usual "OC shoehorned into the first ep" offal, and been a nice way to demonstrate that talents like Jaden's are indeed rare. No such luck, though...

So yeah, I urge on the strongest that you take this back to the drawing board.
3/24/2019 c1 11Astlexis
Between the OC's name and personality, are you sure this is not Aster's female counterpart instead? XD

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