for One Mistake9/2 c3 sjkbyite
Everyone just glosses over Draco using an unforgivable? Kinda surprising and retarded.
Everyone just glosses over Draco using an unforgivable? Kinda surprising and retarded.
2/8/2021 c2 Guest
Great start :)
Author Reply: Thank you very much.
Great start :)
Author Reply: Thank you very much.
9/23/2020 c12 Not RisingGear
This wasn't too bad, check out my profile at "RisingGear" for some info on how to write properly.
Author Reply: This person is NOT RisingGear. If you want to find info on how to write ‘properly’ don’t bother going to RisingGear’s profile because there is no writing advice on there. If you want stories for Five Nights at Freddys, RWBY, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Legend of Zelda, Danny Phantom, Fallout, or Scooby Doo, you can find those there.
This wasn't too bad, check out my profile at "RisingGear" for some info on how to write properly.
Author Reply: This person is NOT RisingGear. If you want to find info on how to write ‘properly’ don’t bother going to RisingGear’s profile because there is no writing advice on there. If you want stories for Five Nights at Freddys, RWBY, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Legend of Zelda, Danny Phantom, Fallout, or Scooby Doo, you can find those there.
9/17/2020 c1 
11thunderofdeath97
okay so let me get this bullshit straight, draco used a fucking unforgiveable, yet when harry retaliates, harry is the only one to get in trouble, and he accepts that? what kind of hypocritical bullshit is this?
11thunderofdeath97okay so let me get this bullshit straight, draco used a fucking unforgiveable, yet when harry retaliates, harry is the only one to get in trouble, and he accepts that? what kind of hypocritical bullshit is this?
7/26/2020 c12 Hank1967
Excellent chapter! Glad to see that Daphne's Patronus is killing the Dementors. Not happy to see her captured... I hate cliffies... Very exciting and well written. Can't wait to see what's next!
Excellent chapter! Glad to see that Daphne's Patronus is killing the Dementors. Not happy to see her captured... I hate cliffies... Very exciting and well written. Can't wait to see what's next!
7/25/2020 c12 7csg-III
Very interesting that you used the throaway line from canon about dementors breeding and made it a plot point here in this story, developing the idea (new dementors so they have bigger numbers, but these new dementors are also unpredictable and not very good at following orders because they're quite young)
I like the angle of Cyrus and Lucius working for Voldemort but also being smart enough to know that Voldemort is too dangerous. I guess they probably would have preferred a leader who supported their racist views but wasn't as insane as Voldemort, but unfortunately, there isn't one, so they have to settle for serving the dark lord.
I can see Daphne being afraid to tell the truth about her father in front of the other students, and only speaking to Snape in private (a professor that she trusts). The thing is, Snape is a double agent and is likely well aware of what Cyrus has been doing. It would be an interesting angle to play, see what Snape would do with that "new" information about Cyrus.
It was a funny moment of Draco promising to protect Daphne and Astoria only to immediately break his premise. I believe Draco genuinely wanted to, but he was too much of a coward to actually do it and at first sight of danger, his natural instincts and selfish nature got the best of him.
I can understand why Astoria chose to hide as well and not wanting to be a liability. She was a lot braver than Draco at least.
Daphne's father is another one who claimed to want to protect her but wouldn't hesitate to hit her. I wouldn't trust him if I were her either. The fact that Daphne's father never hit her before but only because he used to hit the house elf to take out his frustrations only makes me dislike him even more...
I liked the partnership between Daphne and Cho, they worked very well together.
Too bad that Daphne was absorbed with the conversation and didn't realized the danger surrounding them. I wonder who is the one who said the last line ("Well done Greengrass. You captured her") hopefully not Voldemort himself, or they will be in big trouble (though that would be pretty cool for the story).
Great chapter, congratulations.
7csg-IIIVery interesting that you used the throaway line from canon about dementors breeding and made it a plot point here in this story, developing the idea (new dementors so they have bigger numbers, but these new dementors are also unpredictable and not very good at following orders because they're quite young)
I like the angle of Cyrus and Lucius working for Voldemort but also being smart enough to know that Voldemort is too dangerous. I guess they probably would have preferred a leader who supported their racist views but wasn't as insane as Voldemort, but unfortunately, there isn't one, so they have to settle for serving the dark lord.
I can see Daphne being afraid to tell the truth about her father in front of the other students, and only speaking to Snape in private (a professor that she trusts). The thing is, Snape is a double agent and is likely well aware of what Cyrus has been doing. It would be an interesting angle to play, see what Snape would do with that "new" information about Cyrus.
It was a funny moment of Draco promising to protect Daphne and Astoria only to immediately break his premise. I believe Draco genuinely wanted to, but he was too much of a coward to actually do it and at first sight of danger, his natural instincts and selfish nature got the best of him.
I can understand why Astoria chose to hide as well and not wanting to be a liability. She was a lot braver than Draco at least.
Daphne's father is another one who claimed to want to protect her but wouldn't hesitate to hit her. I wouldn't trust him if I were her either. The fact that Daphne's father never hit her before but only because he used to hit the house elf to take out his frustrations only makes me dislike him even more...
I liked the partnership between Daphne and Cho, they worked very well together.
Too bad that Daphne was absorbed with the conversation and didn't realized the danger surrounding them. I wonder who is the one who said the last line ("Well done Greengrass. You captured her") hopefully not Voldemort himself, or they will be in big trouble (though that would be pretty cool for the story).
Great chapter, congratulations.
7/25/2020 c12 20jettmanas
Good villain scene, then writing of Snape talking to the girls, and Daphne's info to him.
edit finds-
"(You're) welcome,"
then that (smile)
Solid tension w/Astoria needing protection. Also the save for Cho, then Cyrus dialogue. Cliffhanger!
20jettmanasGood villain scene, then writing of Snape talking to the girls, and Daphne's info to him.
edit finds-
"(You're) welcome,"
then that (smile)
Solid tension w/Astoria needing protection. Also the save for Cho, then Cyrus dialogue. Cliffhanger!
7/25/2020 c12 Brockster550
Wow, Cyrus planning for Daphne to slip a love potion to Harry so he could kill him, I didn't see that coming. Hard to believe he was willing to smack Daphne across the face in retaliation for defying him. I hope Daphne and Cho make it out of their predicament. Nice chapter, looking forward to more!
Wow, Cyrus planning for Daphne to slip a love potion to Harry so he could kill him, I didn't see that coming. Hard to believe he was willing to smack Daphne across the face in retaliation for defying him. I hope Daphne and Cho make it out of their predicament. Nice chapter, looking forward to more!
5/21/2020 c11 7csg-III
The conversation between Harry and Ginny was very good. It really showed Harry's motivations in-depth, and cleared out any misconceptions. Yes, he has feelings for Daphne, but what he's doing is not just a teenage boy with a crush fighting with a rival over a girl. He feels guilty, he owes Daphne because she saved him from Malfoy, and at the end of the day, he just wants to help her out, not get together with her (even though he would like to get together with her, that's not his motivation).
Voldemort once again showing his ruthless side, ordering Daphne and Astoria (his follower's daughters) to be killed. I'm impressed with how nobody betrayed Voldemort and killed him considering how bad he treated most of his followers. But that's completely in-character for the Dark Lord, you portrayed him very well. Lucius proposal was dark, but at least gave a pragmatic reason for a cold person like Voldemort to reconsider his decision. Glad that Lucius sees that Voldemort with an overpower curse would be a terrible idea. And sickening how he changes from admiration to disgust when he learns that the art was from the elf, not Daphne and Astoria.
Loved the battle at Greengrass Manor. Dumbleodore calling Voldemort "Tom" to provoke him is great and in-character. Loved the duels as well. Tonks vs Bellatrix was great too. Antonin is a perverted bastard, threatning to rape the Greengrass sister and planning on raping Tonks. Glad he got captured. I dread what a psycho like him would be doing if he was still at large (though if he escapes later, it would be a dramatic twist for the story, so I won't complain).
Another fantastic chapter.
PS: Was that request for the Draco - Daphne story from that person who mistakenly believed you modeled your version of Harry after himself?
7csg-IIIThe conversation between Harry and Ginny was very good. It really showed Harry's motivations in-depth, and cleared out any misconceptions. Yes, he has feelings for Daphne, but what he's doing is not just a teenage boy with a crush fighting with a rival over a girl. He feels guilty, he owes Daphne because she saved him from Malfoy, and at the end of the day, he just wants to help her out, not get together with her (even though he would like to get together with her, that's not his motivation).
Voldemort once again showing his ruthless side, ordering Daphne and Astoria (his follower's daughters) to be killed. I'm impressed with how nobody betrayed Voldemort and killed him considering how bad he treated most of his followers. But that's completely in-character for the Dark Lord, you portrayed him very well. Lucius proposal was dark, but at least gave a pragmatic reason for a cold person like Voldemort to reconsider his decision. Glad that Lucius sees that Voldemort with an overpower curse would be a terrible idea. And sickening how he changes from admiration to disgust when he learns that the art was from the elf, not Daphne and Astoria.
Loved the battle at Greengrass Manor. Dumbleodore calling Voldemort "Tom" to provoke him is great and in-character. Loved the duels as well. Tonks vs Bellatrix was great too. Antonin is a perverted bastard, threatning to rape the Greengrass sister and planning on raping Tonks. Glad he got captured. I dread what a psycho like him would be doing if he was still at large (though if he escapes later, it would be a dramatic twist for the story, so I won't complain).
Another fantastic chapter.
PS: Was that request for the Draco - Daphne story from that person who mistakenly believed you modeled your version of Harry after himself?