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for Ambition of the Red Princess

5/30/2019 c6 Scriptura
I'm really liking the story so far. I used to read the shield hero manga years ago, and even read some of the web novel chapters, and i always disliked the clash between the almost cartoonish evil characters and how serious the story taked itself. The flow of the story was inconsistant, the game mechanics felt cheap and out of place, and the characters plain and one dimesional. It's like an Isekai Berserk, but badly written.

But i though it was a good way to pass time, just like other series that relies on high impact moments with little substance (Akame ga Kill). Sadly, it went from entreteining to downright boring in the later arcs for me, so i dropped it. But i always thought that there was some potential in the idea, specially if the "bad guys" were better writen and more beliveble.

And i have to say that i love your description of the first princess. She passed from being a one note character to be someone with aspirations, resourseful, smart, and determinated while still being full of herserlf and looking down at people. And she's still "evil", but in beliveble and somehow compelling way, and with space to grow with her interactions with Naofumi. I love that the story is told from her perspective, it feels fresh and give us something diferent from the tipical Isekai story, where the protagonist takes the role of an expositon machine.

In my opinion this story is already better than the original thing i readead years ago (at least to this point). Watching the progress of the princess in her journey full of decit and lies to take the trone, seeing the relationship between she and Naofumi evolve with the pass of time, and reading how all her plans fail in an amusing fashion already seeams like a more enjoyable read than "Revenge Porn and Game Mechanics: The Isekai ft. Lolis"

Regarding feedback about the story itself, i think that the comedy is very enjoyable and that the characterisation is on point. Sometimes the references to other works like Fate and Skyrim are too blunt (Im not a fan of that kind of fanservice, expecially when is so blatant like in the bow heroe dialogue. I understand the thought process that made you include that in the story, but it is a bit distracting). Other than that, you are making a really good work so far.

For the sake of the good flow of the fic, i will implore you that in future chapters you don't dwell to much on the game mechanics of the story, and if you do please make that part more short or a lot more interesting. Game mechanics are a cheap way to avoid making more complex and engaging battle sistem, they are like the equivalent of the bland self insert character. Also they are implemented poorly in the majority of stories, making no sense that the world has game mechanics in the first place. Sadly, Shield hero is not Log Horizon and got the short end of the stick in what game mechanics and they integration in the story refer.

So i hope that this comment help you somewhat with the writing of your story. I apologize for any typo or if something is badly written on the comment, English is not my first lengueage. Wish you good luck!
5/30/2019 c6 starburst98
hmmm, i can see him still getting raph as their battle salve, simply because she's sick and he's a good guy and wants to help. and she can become a real adoptive daughter instead of being a daughter for a bit then transforming into a waifu suddenly.
5/29/2019 c6 Awesome
I can't wait for the next chapter!
5/28/2019 c6 1nam2324
ch5:depression inducing flashback
ch6: full comedy gold
I like that Mein is such a cackling villain she is always on the edge of losing it. And those self-aware jokes as well.
I guess it makes sense that even without the framing being completed naofumi is off a bad reputation.
Wonder how if this better team dynamic between the heroes will lead them t correct their mistakes quicker
5/27/2019 c6 3OechsnerC
Love your story would love to see that shield hero is king with the princess as his queen.
5/24/2019 c6 2Cario Regun
this is so amazing lol! LOVE THIS
5/23/2019 c6 VulpineSnow
Oh, Malty... so close. But the social defense pet got in the way. :P

But yeah, that was... twisted and yet sweet, her disappointment at the lack of Naofumi being a Cinderella, and her surprise at the whole "sleep on the floor" bit.

Odd enough, your mention of Doraemon in the note made me think of my favorite anime and OVA series, Black Jack. Not so much silly as a whole, but with outlandish medical situations and solutions in it.
5/23/2019 c6 Wait
Could Itsuki have had been rescued by Counter guardian Emiya? He mentioned in chapter 6 that one of the heroes in his world saved him. It also makes sense for his alter ego.
5/22/2019 c6 Random reviewC
Well this is quite the interesting chapter. Good humor as usual! lol, liked how you expanded on naofumi backstory in the previous chapter.

Nice to see Malty-I mean Mein managed to maneuver her way into telling Naofumi about the party system and about the demi-humans in a careful way...well she is technically kind of telling the truth since the demi-human leaders are kind of power hungry idiots...though it still bit funny they took so long to find out there was actually a help manual lol.

The interaction with the other heroes was cute, silly and funny. Lol that reference act that spear hero did like canon Naofumi and all those amusing other references. Good to know your Beta reader is helping keep things moving forward in the plot and making sure things flow well, it shows your not stubborn and too prideful to just say your story is perfect. The silly antics was fun but yep you do not want to slow the story too much with funny antics and jokes even if they are fun to do.

Wonder if they are still going to find Raph or if they get a new demi-human instead...either option will be interesting since Malt-Mein has to be careful of how she acts instead of treating Demi-humans like trash due to Naofumi negative reaction to slavery. I would laugh if she first end up doing it out of reluctance before actually growing a little fond of their demi-human adopted child/minon when said child begins to look up to her as some older sister lol...I am going to laugh if Mein getting c*ck block end up being a running gag like first the balloon, then the demi-human child running to them because of a nightmare then the wave battle then random bandit attack alongside their fellow heroes accidentally interrupting...said butthurt rage being potentially more powerful than even the rage shield lol. JK XD

I am not sure what is going to happen since the Canon duel is butterfly and there is so many events that could happen but I am looking forward to seeing more. Take your take, 2 chapters per month is plenty enough compare to other writers.

-From random reviwer (COL), too lazy to login XD
5/22/2019 c6 pinkdog16
... we're done here.
5/22/2019 c6 Nine Lives Bladeworks
That was a great chapter. Also, the ending was absolutely hilarious.
5/22/2019 c6 pinkdog16
Oh you'd be surprised nao nao
5/22/2019 c6 2Commissar Gaunt
I take it Naofumi is now banned from carrying balloons around in town by Mein... Well I guess a Shadow is now enroute to the Queen to report on the situation.
5/22/2019 c6 8TheForgottenSpartan
Oh. My. God. This is... holy shit this is soooooooooo good. I didn't know I wanted this, I didn't know I could like Malty. But you are, and here this story is and hoooooooooooly am I invested. I'm sitting here whooping when she takes his side in chapter 4, and rooting for the other adventurers to buy her lies in this chapter. Oh its so good!
5/22/2019 c6 References
Sword art online, Justice League crisis of two earths and isekai animes
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