for Ambition of the Red Princess7/22/2019 c6 Guest
This is so funny, I absolutely love it! And that Oblivion reference. I'm a huge Elder Scrolls fan, so this made me very happy lol. Also your version of Mein is really likeable. The end of this chapter was beyond funny lol. Btw I like both the more serious and more comedic chapters that you wrote.
This is so funny, I absolutely love it! And that Oblivion reference. I'm a huge Elder Scrolls fan, so this made me very happy lol. Also your version of Mein is really likeable. The end of this chapter was beyond funny lol. Btw I like both the more serious and more comedic chapters that you wrote.
7/22/2019 c9 anon
Love how Malty is absolutely taken apart by how deep the chess moves between political enemies can go. I honestly think she learned more about politics here than she ever has and in time she may absolutely grow to be the a political opponent that would make her mama proud. (is that a good thing tho?)
Love how Malty is absolutely taken apart by how deep the chess moves between political enemies can go. I honestly think she learned more about politics here than she ever has and in time she may absolutely grow to be the a political opponent that would make her mama proud. (is that a good thing tho?)
7/21/2019 c9 
39Angel Wraith
I must say , I am very much loving this story . Having Malty be the MC-ish of the story is very interesting to read , I'm curious to see where her character arc takes the story and how she'll react with the addition of new members like Raphtalia.
But like with all stories I gotta give my own two cents in a little critique , my only real problem with this story is that it kinda doesn't present how far the characters ( Malty and Naofumi ) have advanced in terms of gaining levels, skills and abilities . And I don't think there's ever actually been a real fight scene where we actually get to see them use their skills , abilities and equipment , so we're kinda in the dark on what they have and can do . At the very least , you could potentially release a chapter listing all the skills , abilities and equipment Malty and Naofumi have at the moment .
39Angel WraithI must say , I am very much loving this story . Having Malty be the MC-ish of the story is very interesting to read , I'm curious to see where her character arc takes the story and how she'll react with the addition of new members like Raphtalia.
But like with all stories I gotta give my own two cents in a little critique , my only real problem with this story is that it kinda doesn't present how far the characters ( Malty and Naofumi ) have advanced in terms of gaining levels, skills and abilities . And I don't think there's ever actually been a real fight scene where we actually get to see them use their skills , abilities and equipment , so we're kinda in the dark on what they have and can do . At the very least , you could potentially release a chapter listing all the skills , abilities and equipment Malty and Naofumi have at the moment .
7/21/2019 c9 8y1fellas
I'm really interested to see how Malty navigates this one. She wants a slave to do battle for her, which will mean being quite forceful with Raphtalia (due to her phobias and poor mental health), but she has to at least appear tempered and sweet while doing it lest she alienate Naofumi. It'll be an interesting balancing act, and I'm not quite convinced she's a skilled enough actor to pull it off, but we'll see.
One thing I would advise is you occasionally come close to ragging on the original story in your writing, and you might want to be careful about that. As flawed as the original story is, people are here to read fanfiction of it presumably because they are fans of the source material. There's a fine line between pointing out where the original could have done better, and bruising the egos of people who enjoyed it.
That said, Malty was a character who actually annoyed me in canon. In terms of her personality, she's something of an irredeemably evil force of nature villain along the lines of the Joker, or Kevin Spacey, but in terms of actual effect she just comes across as petty? I'm not even entirely sure what she was trying to accomplish half the time in canon. That sort of badguy only works when they represent a legitimate threat, when Naofumi basically outgrows her by the time he wins a race with Motoyasu.
I'm enjoying this selfish and power hungry, but rational if occasionally impulsive take on her.
8y1fellasI'm really interested to see how Malty navigates this one. She wants a slave to do battle for her, which will mean being quite forceful with Raphtalia (due to her phobias and poor mental health), but she has to at least appear tempered and sweet while doing it lest she alienate Naofumi. It'll be an interesting balancing act, and I'm not quite convinced she's a skilled enough actor to pull it off, but we'll see.
One thing I would advise is you occasionally come close to ragging on the original story in your writing, and you might want to be careful about that. As flawed as the original story is, people are here to read fanfiction of it presumably because they are fans of the source material. There's a fine line between pointing out where the original could have done better, and bruising the egos of people who enjoyed it.
That said, Malty was a character who actually annoyed me in canon. In terms of her personality, she's something of an irredeemably evil force of nature villain along the lines of the Joker, or Kevin Spacey, but in terms of actual effect she just comes across as petty? I'm not even entirely sure what she was trying to accomplish half the time in canon. That sort of badguy only works when they represent a legitimate threat, when Naofumi basically outgrows her by the time he wins a race with Motoyasu.
I'm enjoying this selfish and power hungry, but rational if occasionally impulsive take on her.
7/21/2019 c9 Grimson
Wow...just wow. Well played Naofumi, well played.
That desperate gamble and motive actualy make so much sense.
I don't know much about RoTS, since i only watched a few eps so far, but if that were the case then the king action make sense.
But yeah, keep up the good work sir. I'll be waiting for your masterpiece.
Wow...just wow. Well played Naofumi, well played.
That desperate gamble and motive actualy make so much sense.
I don't know much about RoTS, since i only watched a few eps so far, but if that were the case then the king action make sense.
But yeah, keep up the good work sir. I'll be waiting for your masterpiece.
7/21/2019 c9 8TheForgottenSpartan
I was worried about the direction the story might go after chapter six, but I have never been happier to have been proven wrong. This is going in a wonderful direction! I loved this chapter a lot, and I can't wait for the return of Eclair! Because honestly, why bother naming a character that isn't recurring?
8TheForgottenSpartanI was worried about the direction the story might go after chapter six, but I have never been happier to have been proven wrong. This is going in a wonderful direction! I loved this chapter a lot, and I can't wait for the return of Eclair! Because honestly, why bother naming a character that isn't recurring?
7/21/2019 c9 1BLINIX
Wow, if if I didn't know trash from the series that would have been a great plan, worst that it makes a lot of sense, I kinda can see an imaginary Trash looking down with try eyes (Kira?).
Anyways, looking forward to see how Bitch (can I keep calling her that? At least this multiverse version is kinda nice) develops now that best girl is going to join.
1BLINIXWow, if if I didn't know trash from the series that would have been a great plan, worst that it makes a lot of sense, I kinda can see an imaginary Trash looking down with try eyes (Kira?).
Anyways, looking forward to see how Bitch (can I keep calling her that? At least this multiverse version is kinda nice) develops now that best girl is going to join.
7/21/2019 c9 3Commissar Gaunt
Wow, Naofumi is right for the wrong reasons on why the Queen is away. It doesn't occur to him that the King is just that petty because the King himself doesn't know about his sister being alive while the Queen really was blindsided and is playing things by ear.
Classic case of not being able to read peoples minds, or understand the backstory because no one knows it. Hence the current S-400 fiasco with Turkey as no one understood just how rattled the Turks were by the coup attempt in 16 and an inability to shoot down rogue F-16s and why refusing the Tech Transfer in Patriot sales so Turkey could alter the IFF software was a non-starter.
3Commissar GauntWow, Naofumi is right for the wrong reasons on why the Queen is away. It doesn't occur to him that the King is just that petty because the King himself doesn't know about his sister being alive while the Queen really was blindsided and is playing things by ear.
Classic case of not being able to read peoples minds, or understand the backstory because no one knows it. Hence the current S-400 fiasco with Turkey as no one understood just how rattled the Turks were by the coup attempt in 16 and an inability to shoot down rogue F-16s and why refusing the Tech Transfer in Patriot sales so Turkey could alter the IFF software was a non-starter.
7/21/2019 c9 27Apex85
Pfft...Ahahaha! I'm sorry. But the thought of that idiotic oaf of a king being called cunning?! The very thought is just too ridiculous for me to take seriously.
Can only imagine how Naofumi and Malty will react when they find out that assumption was wrong and that Trash really IS that short-sighted.
The wolf guy has made a strong impression. Especially when he shuts down the two Siltvelt spies. Hope to see more of that.
And never thought I'd say this, but I totally ship Naofumi and Malty here.
27Apex85Pfft...Ahahaha! I'm sorry. But the thought of that idiotic oaf of a king being called cunning?! The very thought is just too ridiculous for me to take seriously.
Can only imagine how Naofumi and Malty will react when they find out that assumption was wrong and that Trash really IS that short-sighted.
The wolf guy has made a strong impression. Especially when he shuts down the two Siltvelt spies. Hope to see more of that.
And never thought I'd say this, but I totally ship Naofumi and Malty here.
7/21/2019 c9 40lord Martiya
I was actually surprised by Naofumi's conclusions about the Queen and her husband... And now can't help but wonder her reaction when Beloukas and/or her Shadows inform her of that. What an immense game of "I meant to do that, honestly!"...
40lord MartiyaI was actually surprised by Naofumi's conclusions about the Queen and her husband... And now can't help but wonder her reaction when Beloukas and/or her Shadows inform her of that. What an immense game of "I meant to do that, honestly!"...
7/21/2019 c9 Wolf
Interesting to see some characterization of the Demi human wolf from the second episode, now I want to see him.
Interesting to see some characterization of the Demi human wolf from the second episode, now I want to see him.
7/21/2019 c9 shinnypichu88 II
Guess Naofumi's party will be a bit weaker.
His slave shield made leveling, etc. A bit more beneficial for Raphtalia and co. After all.
Also, Malty getting a hint that she's probably bring used. The cult made things pretty difficult in Canon, the queen stuck negotiating while they played the king like a fiddle...
Still hope we see tanuki next chapter, it'd be nice to see reimagining's of Canon character's.
She tended to die in most of Motoyasu's loops after all...
Guess Naofumi's party will be a bit weaker.
His slave shield made leveling, etc. A bit more beneficial for Raphtalia and co. After all.
Also, Malty getting a hint that she's probably bring used. The cult made things pretty difficult in Canon, the queen stuck negotiating while they played the king like a fiddle...
Still hope we see tanuki next chapter, it'd be nice to see reimagining's of Canon character's.
She tended to die in most of Motoyasu's loops after all...