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5/12/2019 c5 6Pretty Lazy
So this is the end of the "first volume", and from your author's notes, we can expect everyone getting their own interludes. Ah, I'm excited.
Let me try my hand at this reviewing thing properly.
This chapter gave me a ton of "No Longer Human" narration vibes from Osamu Dazai. (That's a good thing, since I thought it was an excellent read.) The way you keep a consistent pace throughout for Naofumi's past escalated the quality ten times fold. It's this chapter that really shows that your (by team effort of course) writing style is articulately master-crafted.
... I could have just summarized this entire thing as "i love this chapter a lot". I don't think critical reviews are my type of things.
Thanks for the shout out, but for all those reading this, don't expect the same level of writing quality as here. I'm still trying to find a style that I work well with.
5/12/2019 c5 Keo namikaze
you really know more enjoy your version of malty than in the canon she did not have to continue with her father's plan but it came out as her father was just as rotten thank goodness that in your version of it is not and is more similar to his mother ..and that will change her destiny both of her and that of naofumi
5/10/2019 c4 The Blacksmith
Imagine how mad she would be when she noticed how Raphtalia is dressed in a pretty good looking outfit, compared to Malty
5/10/2019 c4 18ArtistGamerMage
I think a good way to be able to still have Rahptalia in the plot is to have her tell Naofumi that while in his someone volatile state after the trial. having another companion would be beneficial, and being that new companion being a slave would help with having to worry if their trustworthy.
and with how I think your story is going, you could have them both have a feeling of parental caring for Rahptalia
5/8/2019 c4 Guest
great chapter
and please dont mind others like joining write it in the way you want it
i read many stories where writer wrote according to readers and stories would be messed up or never finished
keep it up
5/6/2019 c4 3Dr. Gale
Malty's character is a lot more refreshing here than in the original story.
5/6/2019 c4 HachiBee888
DAmn if she follows this paths she definately gonna be queen. especially if she manages to get Naofumi to have kids with her. The queen said in either the LN or WN that Malty would have become queen if she managed to Bind the Shield Hero to Melromarc she would have made Malty her Heir instead of Melty
5/6/2019 c4 Guest
Mein has one problem to fix the party system she told naofumei. She cound not party with him i think that she is committed now she should say a clever way to try it befor anouther hero tell naofumi about it .
5/6/2019 c4 Comrade Broseph
RE: The Joining's comment.

(Spoilers, obviously.)
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Isn't it a bit of a paradox to compare this Itsuki to Emiya and then call him prideful? Seems a bit self contradictory to me. Itsuki's current issues have little to do with pride at all. He is all about being an 'Ally of Justice.' Him being more subdued about it would mean that Malty would betray Naofumi - which she almost did in this chapter anyway. From there we'd just have a rehash of canon.

Itsuki being an expy of Shirou is just a running gag even outside of this fanfic. Same as Ren being a Kirito expy. I think it's hilarious rather than insulting. And I am myself a total Shiroufag who fanboys over anything to do with the guy and religiously reads Fate crossovers involving him.

Unlike in the original, in this story the other three Heroes aren't written for the sole purpose of being 'Bashed' to make Naofumi look good. Is Itsuki's obsession with justice over-exaggerated? Yes, absolutely! Same as Ren's edginess and Motoyasu's lack of self control. But at the same time they are all three of them at least a little more intelligent than their canonical counterparts. Enhancing each one's 'uniqueness' is a way of compensating for this.

The changes aren't going to stop with the Cardinal Heroes either. Going forward with this story you can expect a lot of other characters from canon to have a certain twist to them, or have their actions be shown in a new light. Backstories and motivations added or expanded upon so that they actually make sense. The world fleshed out a bit beyond 'generic RPG setting.'

PS: You should really log in or register. That way Qinlongfei or I could PM you, as opposed to leaving public replies and potentially spoiling other people.
5/6/2019 c4 The Joining
(Spoiler for later plot elements)
(Spoiler for later plot elements)
(Spoiler for later plot elements)
(Spoiler for later plot elements)

We understand why you made Itsuki like that, in order to dissuade Malty. What we dislike is *how* you made him. Itsuki is a far more subdued, yet passionate person in the beginning. Really he only gets like what you wrote him as when he unlocks the Pride Curse Series, something you're aware of.

If and when Itsuki unlocks the Curse Pride Bow, then he can act like that, shouting and raving and all sorts. But we think having him like that from the start is too overblown and out of character, unless you plan to reveal that Itsuki unlocked the Pride Series far earlier than in canon somehow.

Taking backstory elements from Shirou Emiya and twisting them in the worst possible interpretation of them doesn't help either.

Honestly, this is probably just an issue we'll have to ignore until we get to a point in the story where this feels justified. We like the rest of the story regardless, even if we have to do some mental stuff to remind ourselves that Malty is not the same canon Malty and thus justify her behaviour(some of the things she will do, or has done... it's worse than what they show directly).

So yes, thank you for listening to our complaint and not just ignoring or belittling it, like one guest reviewer did.

We will be Watching.

-The Joining.
5/5/2019 c4 5witchylv
Everyone: thinking about the future relationship dynamic between Malty and Naofumi, the other three heroes and Melty and the queen
Me: thinking about how Katalina and Bertia can make Malty's plans change depending if they are still the otome bitches or the reeincarnated idiots and how to include their plot points on the shield bro setting
I mean i know Malty and to an extend Naofumi are the protagonists but it would be nice to see Malty semi confused following those two advices (if they are the reicarnated idiots) like Bertia's fiance in the manga or see them as antagonists if they are the original Katalina and Bertia to Malty's plans (or maybe see those two be controlled by a certain second princess ;v)
5/5/2019 c4 VulpineSnow
... Heh. Entertaining chapter... but damn, thinking about it, pawning one's daughter off to a sadistic jerk because she's "too troublesome" really is a messed up societal practice, in all honesty.

Assuming the Queen retains much of her canon self in this continuity, the reports from her Shadows will be interesting. It's hard to call, really, given that Malty is still a bit twisted and selfish... just not to the point of, to repeat myself, running to kick the nearest puppy whenever she can.

It would be quite understandable if her foul feelings about her younger sister are unfounded and indeed Melty is nicer than Malty thinks. But of course, you hear a conversation about how you're basically being replaced on the whim of your mother, you're not going to look at the situation favorably.

And that's before the whole accusation bit. Love that as eager as they were for so-called justice, both Itsuki and Ren were quick to call Motoyasu out on his crap. XD I have to wonder just how muddled their parties are to the scenario. At the very least, some of them potentially knew of the frame-up plan from the conversation with the drunkard last chapter, so... probably just wondering what plot she's trying to pull.
5/5/2019 c4 Euphoric05
Alright, for once the king was reasonable when he opposed the marriage between malty and pig king.
5/5/2019 c4 Great
This possibly the best version of Malty, you came up with. I can already imagine bad alternative universe stories of her just being a good guy for little to no reason, but this version is more logical and realistic and still adds in that personal joy of her choosing the right path. Malty and Naofumi actually have quite a few things in common too, both were over shadowed by their younger sibling.
5/5/2019 c4 6Pretty Lazy
oh god, i'm in love with your writing style
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