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for Just Your Average Sorcerer

6/12/2019 c2 3ink-asunder
I've never written a deaf person (only a mute person), but I've taken a couple years of ASL and interacted a bit with the local deaf community, so yeah.
I like how you wrote out what the character signs in quotations like it was spoken dialogue instead of narrating them "gesturing" (which is not what signing is), or describing each and every sign they make with no set-apart "dialogue" and tags. Personally, I think only describing how a character is signing kind of Others the signing character. It isolates them from the part of your audience that doesn't know sign, and it just accentuates the fact that "This person signs and that makes them Different." I also don't like when "character A did a vague sign that isn't described and character B restates what they say before reacting to it" because that also feels kind of othering on the signing character's part.
I know that most of my commentary is based on my own personal preferences and no real "right/wrong" way to write signing characters, but I just wanted to say I really like how you've written the signing in this story! It's inclusive and flows just like a spoken conversation (just like a signed conversation irl), so the writing isn't slow or hard to follow. I like how much you've been able to do with it; I like how you included the "speak/language" bit and how the characters ask for clarification between signing and speaking. It's really well thought-out and executed.
I guess I don't have a lot of constructive criticism to give; I just felt like gushing about well-written signing for a bit, haha
5/29/2019 c3 11HarceusMjalga
Yeah, I agree with you on blurting out descriptions, but the way you describe a character can say a lot. Like, when someone blushes, that means they have to have light skin.

I like this chapter! McDonald's is bad, but it's a special kind of bad! The ending sentence was nice, the wording conveyed Michael s annoyance well.
5/19/2019 c2 HarceusMjalga
Oh! Representation in fanfiction! Even if this story is very white right now, I can always get behind that.

Just make sure you know that people who are deaf are human as well. Not being able to hear doesn't define them, though it can cause inconveniences. Make sure to say the sign, and if you add a brief description to it, all the better. Sign language works a bit differently than spoken language.

Above all, don't make there life revolve around being deaf. They still have favorite foods and even enjoy feeling music, just like nay other human. So far, I like it. Whenever I see representation in fanfiction, it always makes me happy.

Good chapter!
4/19/2019 c1 HarceusMjalga
This is interesting. You might want to add more detail, describe how the characters move, what they sound like, what they look like, things like that. Show, don't tell.

Also, some word choice felt a bit awkward, such as 'unafraid to drop it.' That came off as weird to read. Try something like, 'Michael was tossing his phone from hand to hand. He wasn't concerned about dropping it on the hard concrete floor because he had paid for a good case.' That's just a suggestion though.

All in all, this is a good fanfiction concept, and I think that with a bit of editing, you could make it work.

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