Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Come Sundown

7/15/2019 c3 Opaquee
Mary and Arthur T-T
7/15/2019 c1 Opaquee
I really really really like this story, just started reading it and I'm looking forward to all the rest!
7/13/2019 c5 Guest
This. was. so. intense! I'm shocked. I really like Amelia, she's written well.

Also, I'm glad to see a more positive interaction between Arthur and Mary, I like how you captured their characters here.
7/13/2019 c4 Guest
I can't get enough, the little horse was so cute :)
7/13/2019 c1 Guest
Love the story! The first chapter is so good
7/11/2019 c1 Guest
Adore the story, please wrote more soon!
5/11/2019 c1 Radio Free Death
Part of the review request!

[The prairie, the wayward wind, the long line of the horizon, smudged when the dust begins to rise.]

This sounds really pretty, until you think about it for a minute. What's smudged? The horizon? The prairie?

[the wild west]
[If that West]

A bit inconsistent with capitalization here.

[They say the spirit of the Wild West is the Mustang]

Mustang shouldn't be capitalized, otherwise you're talking about the car, not the horse.

[She placed pen to paper. It read:]

The bit in italics shouldn't be centered. It's irritating to read.

[Mary placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, "'Melia, we're nearing our stop, help me with the luggage." She instructed.]

You really, really don't need a speech tag other than 'said'. Not only does it distract from what's being said, it conveys insecurity on your part because you don't trust your own writing to convey the intended context.

Honestly, the story really should've started with Amelia on the train. Everything before it is exposition that not only do we already know as those who are reading this fanfic have more than likely played the games, it's boring. Even if someone read this without prior knowledge of the games, it's still not a good idea to just dump out the state of the west, the conflict with Dutch, how Dutch's gang came to be, how Arthur met Dutch and the start of the gang...it is far more exciting to read about this through the character's thoughts and interactions with one another. Save it up for later when you get to Arthur and when he inevitably reveals this to your OC. It doesn't belong as an opening and definitely not when you're focusing on a different character entirely.
5/7/2019 c1 Omuyev
Huh, this will be a interesting story. For me , i wouldn't mind see Amelia Linton be low honor. The Oc i've seen in RDR 2 are High Honor but that's just me.
23 « Prev Page 1 2

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service