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6/3/2021 c7 Guest
Oh shit messy misprints and unjust moments, who was to blame?
6/3/2021 c5 Guest
Wow the dilemmas were chilling, good chapter.
6/2/2021 c4 Guest
Some people were really persistent and won’t take no, they could get creepy and quite scary sometimes. I thought it was not entirely wrong for the other side to lose patience, got emotional upset and brutally defended, was rather sad to see this outcome, hope they cleared their heads and get better in later chapters.
5/29/2021 c33 2Silva En Eden
Le Shit...this was Good...
5/19/2021 c15 Axccel
This chapter is nonsense with some poetry, drama (the stage play kind not the genre), and music thrown in for bad measure.

What the heck is even going on? Why is this just a jumbo jet full of nonsense and explosions? Nothing makes sense and not in a mysterious or intriguing way. More like a bad acid trip. This is gibberish.
5/19/2021 c14 Axccel
From the stuff at the end, I take it you're going to make his friends vampires at some point. I hadn't noticed before. That's a terrible idea. Taking away from what makes your main character special. As a wise man once said, if everyone is special then nobody is. If they become vampires, then there won't be a reason for Jaune to be in the story. You could make the plot still focus on him and his role be important, but it'd be no different than if he stayed human and was important and focused on anyway. In fact, it'd make him more special as then his friends wouldn't have the powers he does.

This is just assuming they become vampires. You do have them listed in the vampires section after the chapter, after all. Well, I just read until that happens and once it does maybe I'll drop the story and consider it dead depending on how you handle it. If you make them action girls, for example, I'll drop it like a live grenade. Since he's the, let's say "action hero" of the story, putting them into there too would make his role meaningless. Besides that, I'm here to read about vampire Jaune kicking ass. Not about Team RWBY: Vampire Edition.

If they're weak compared to Jaune, though, then you'd probably end up making chapters or parts of chapters focusing on them instead of Jaune in a story whose summary and plot shows it is about Jaune. Or their change into vampires would be utterly pointless and just an irritating footnote with them not being used in any way other than being something similar to mooks or clean up crew.

Now, if they develop powers of their own unrelated vampirism, such as aura or semblances or magic or something, then that'd be pretty neat. It wouldn't take away from Jaune, would make them useful, and would give reason to involve periodic focusing on them. Currently focusing on them sometimes is justified by their plot parts revolving around Jaune, which makes their scenes good because a story must always focus on the main character(s) or else it's not a story but multiple ones written together and everyone rightly skips to try and get to whose story they want to read within the fic or drop it if the character perspective they want doesn't show up.

And seriously, stop with the orchestra nonsense and poetic stuff. It's annoying and distracts from the situations your trying to portray. We shouldn't have to try to figure out what the heck you're talking about when reading.

By the way, his personality and powers changed and evolved too quickly and without giving the reader any insight into his transformation. Did he come to terms with being a vampire? No. Did he spend time angsting over it and then decide to use his power to do good? No. Did he train to master his powers and develop new ones as he fed and grew stronger and maybe slay other vampires to take their strength if possible? No. Nope, he was simply hit by a bully and then scared the bully off and suddenly now he's some confident edgelord mega vamp. Talk about wasted potential for storytelling. It's more like two different stories. That you dropped the first one and wrote the second as if it were a continuation of the first. Chronologically yes but realistically it's a different story.
5/19/2021 c13 Axccel
Get the police involved with Cardin and co. As far as the law is concerned, not only are the teachers breaking the law through criminal negligence, but probably could be considered guilty of conspiracy. Since bullying is a crime. If Jaune were found out to have harmed Cardin in retaliation, the law wouldn't have a problem with that and if anything would add that to the teachers' faults.

In my experience and from what I've heard, I'm so glad I went to the school I did for most of my life. The teachers were very reasonable. For example, one time two kids tried to beat me up. One held my arms behind my back and the other tried to hit me. I ducked and bit his stomach until it bled. I was suspended for three days but the other two got in far more trouble. And the teachers outright said that my suspension was actually a reward for standing up for myself but they had to make it look like a punishment. Three days without school and I don't think there was any work to make up either.
5/19/2021 c12 Axccel
I'm surprised they didn't think he could have simply been holding back out of fear of attention. Especially since they know he's not one for attention and gets nervous very easily. I would've thought that'd have been the first thing on their minds.
5/19/2021 c11 Axccel
“Not enough to rip the bag away.” Wow, even limp noodle normie Jaune could crush this guy.
5/19/2021 c10 Axccel
Lol, smooth, Jaune.

Don’t worry, you’ll be bashing like Hellsing Abridged Alucard in no time...once you get enough crack and booze in you to kill an elephant or twenty.
5/19/2021 c9 Axccel
“Collapsing structure” his body making holes in the floors wouldn’t cause that. Someone needs to be sued for tofu construction.

I was right, this vamp is a moron. He sees nothing odd about the situation, no curiosity, and just assumes he knows everything. Too dumb to live because someone like that will piss of something that will kill him or worse.
5/19/2021 c8 Axccel
I’m glad Weiss pulled her head from her ass. Not quite the situation that was implied. Which isn’t a bad thing I guess.

This new vamp is a moron. Killing a pregnant woman means less future prey. Even if it’s just one that’s still one less for later.
5/19/2021 c7 Axccel
“You would have left me alone.” He did, you stupid bitch. And he doesn’t owe it to you to comfort you or something, you’re not his girlfriend or even his friend so stfu.

Jaune should have said something like “You’re making stuff up in your imagination and pretending it’s real to make yourself feel in control and strong. Some day when you’re married you’re going to be slapped with the fact you married the very thing you pretend I am. Because you will marry someone who makes your body tingle and you will imagine that every sign warning you off is not real or doesn’t exist. That is who you are. A bratty, bitchy child who wants reality to be a certain way existing to please you and anything outside of that you reject. Enjoy your fantasy while it lasts. Meanwhile, I and my future wife and children will be happy, warm, and joyful as you rot in the cold and dark.” And yes, that was just off the top of my head.
5/19/2021 c6 Axccel
Being his friend doesn’t give Ruby the right to know whatever she wants. He should just say he doesn’t want to talk about it and that it’s personal. If she refuses to accept it he should just repeat himself or ignore her. If she has a problem with that then he should tell her that a friend wouldn’t behave that way. And that a friend has the right to keep private whatever he wants.

Lore-wise, the western idea of vampires and werewolves is very new. Vampires at least started with Vlad the Impaler. The legend being this real life monster was so evil he became a literal blood-drinking monster. The real life Vlad did such things as making countless stakes with enemies (and anyone, really) impaled on them and bathing in the blood of infants in the belief it would extend or preserve his life and/or youth. Probably the single most evil person in history. So evil that an entire demonic entity entered into mythology based on him.
5/19/2021 c5 Axccel
“Without their consent” dude really? Consent wouldn’t make it any less messed up.

As for the racism, I guess you had to include it to add some more interesting elements to the setting than “everything’s normal except he’s a vampire”. I noticed before you’d mentioned skin color, but there is no evidence in history or modern day about anyone being racist over appearance or ethnicity except between traditional enemies or a technologically advanced group look down on primitive groups. The closest thing to it is how blacks are nasty to other blacks for having skin that’s too dark or too light. One could say pre civil rights US but color was just an easy way to identify race and on its own was irrelevant to racism. Which of course is why racism against faunus is so strange. I could easily see the faunus having a bestial nature that caused a lot of conflict (which would easily explain faunus claims of treatment in Remnant) or maybe being a primitive people who were uplifted. It would make racism there make sense in accordance with real life. Although since minority humans gained equal rights in the US, protected by law (and numerous programs to give them assistance using tax money created by people the majority voter for who campaigned on these things) pretty recently relative to a nation’s age, it would make sense for an outright different species to take longer.
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