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for Monsters Are Just Men like You and I

5/19/2021 c4 Axccel
Having his DNA if any were left at the scene would not help. Contrary to popular fiction, there is no national registry of genetics. DNA tests can be performed using data on previous offenders and from a suspect (not a subject, a suspect is someone arrested for the crime, a subject is what most crime shows mistakenly call suspects. Think suspect of a crime and subject to a crime).

Masquerading would mean pretending to be a vampire. You mean secretly.

This “Jaune harasses Weiss” thing is one of the worst parts of the fandom. It is not true. He asked her out a handful of times early in the first semester. That’s all. And even writers who get that right idiotically are like “well he should have taken no means no”, but there’s no reason for him to believe she was saying no to him as a person instead of no to whatever activity he proposed.
5/19/2021 c3 Axccel
I hope he eats the ass that changed him. That came out wrong, but sure, that too.
5/19/2021 c2 Axccel
You say it’s a real life AU but it’s pretty extreme in its differences for California to be a prosperous and happy place. Or maybe it’s just Vale. The universe must have contorted itself like a pro to manage something like that.
5/18/2021 c1 Axccel
I just want “a real fucking vampire” moment for him.
4/21/2021 c29 Truck-Sama
Sorta hope when Jaune devours a higher vampire he gains their abilities. Cuz Excalibur is dope.
4/10/2021 c15 gweenace
Maybe if I saw Tokyo Ghoul I would have a frame of reference to how nutty things can get while still being in the realm of possibility. It seems like powers and weirdness is just falling out of the sky.
4/10/2021 c14 gweenace
I REALLY wish this was done in some empty area instead of downtown Vale. The plot returning to any kind of normalcy and it making sense seems like an impossibility at this point.
3/29/2021 c33 Guest
Great story more plz
3/30/2021 c16 1PersonaNinja Lux
I read somewhere before that Helena Blavatsky was a friend or someone who was close to Thomas Edison so I'm interested how much the technology of this fic is influenced by Vampires and how advance it is compared to ours
3/30/2021 c33 PersonaNinja Lux
I read somewhere before that Helena Blavatsky was a friend or someone who was close to Thomas Edison so I'm interested how much the technology of this fic is influenced by Vampires and how advance it is compared to ours
3/23/2021 c33 ehbon172
This chapter was so sweet! I don’t know what about, can’t really pinpoint it, but it’s very heartwarming for one reason or another. Luna hasn’t taken away from any of the main cast, as far as I’m concerned, and her interest in Weiss serves the important narrative purpose of dragging the reluctant girl back into their social group. I’m excited for more now that I’ve finally gotten caught up again!

Hopefully the coming weeks are less crazy for me so I stop missing the updates when they first come out,
3/14/2021 c33 Guest
Don’t cast Weiss yet she isn’t an evildoer, although I am beginning to doubt her role almost like a tag along with the group, comparing to others she is colourless.
3/13/2021 c33 Guest
Oh how far Weiss is going to push herself without proper sleep, she going to topple soon if she can’t get out of her ‘hallucinations’.
3/14/2021 c33 Reddevil142
I was really enjoying it at the start. Still am, to an extent but the pacing is really off putting, Add to that my lack of knowledge about literally everything you talk about and all I can say is 'What the actual fuck is going on'... Jaune's new character isn't terrible, but I would've liked to see more cause of development for it rather than just writing it off as Vampire. The whole concept of Valhalla and stuff makes my head spin (though admittedly that could be my own fault, I was skimming things when stuff started to get really strange). Pyrrha and Weiss' characters have been practically non-existent and a new main cast member is being introduced (though I rather like her so far, character wise at least). RWBY's cast is massive compared to most shows already, so this decision might backfire on you. Although it's not an inherently bad fic, you should try not to hyper-focus on a few character even when you are trying to put the limelight on them. A good way to avoid this is to work on character interactions. When you are focusing on someone, you develop and display them with character interactions. These interactions are two-ended obviously, so you can use them to display the other character. It keeps the flow of things natural and allows the readers to form an image of everyone in their head, an image that you create and should stay consistent to. One of RBWY's main problems has always been terrible character work, every character feels 1D or with motivations so overdone that you can't even care about them at all (Cinder wants power because she was helpless, Qrow is miserable because he doesn't want his loved one's to be harmed and thus stays away, Salem is evil because of a story that's too boring to care about, Ozpin is morally grey because he can't comprehend a way to beat Salem without sacrificing everything he is trying to protect anyways). Here we see this problem with people like Cardin and Neptune. I am guessing you will take the time to explain Nep's womanizing ways later in the story, but it's being delayed so much that people eventually stop caring at all, which will directly hurt the work done on Weiss' character. If you want to write compelling characters, they need to have motivations beyond things like 'He is this way because he can be' , 'She was raised this way' or even '_ did _ to him, and that's why he is like this'. Every important character needs to be justified to themselves, and have justifications which raise questions in the reader's minds. Characters like, Johan, Light, Thanos, Obito and Gilgamesh do this particularly well. Kotomine Kirei's reason for being evil is simply mental illness, but they develop him into being evil through other character's so that it feels natural. He also presents a great constrast to the Protagonist which is always important. If we don't know anything about the character's for so long after their introductions, then we stop caring which makes the story and characters go stale and boring. Although I suppose this is only the beginning, the pacing is making me point out all these things. If you scattered the explanations about the supernatural world rather than being one large infodump each chapter and took the remaining time for character work, I think this story would work out quite well (Which I think you can do, since you already write pretty long chapters)
3/13/2021 c33 Dressyone22
I don't really care how much of an asshole Cardin is, if he isn't actively assaulting someone Weiss nor anyone else has the right to just attack him. I would have punched Weiss right in the face if she had done that to me.
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