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for Merlin and the Sorcerer Stone

5/21/2019 c1 6Walker's Annoying Voice
Hi :) and welcome to fanfiction writing, I suppose, cause I saw this is your first story.
I always love reading a Merlin crossover and a Merlin/Harry Potter crossover is one of my favorites!
I'll do my best to give you an honest review (with hopefully constructive criticism).
First off, you had a couple inconsistancies in your story. For one you gave Mordred three different last names. Another was that Percival shows up in Merlin's first flying lesson, which would make him a first year student, but later you clearly intend for him to be a fifth year (or thereabout). Starting out with writing, it helps if you make yourself a cheat-sheet (so to speak) where you note down all important characters, their names, age, little things about them, how you introduced them to the reader and stuff like that.
This would also help you with the next point I'd like to mention. Introducing characters - especially the knights. We (the readers) are never actually introduced to Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival and Leon. They're just suddenly there. Don't be afraid to give them a little introduction. It doesn't even have to be a lot, if the main characters get to know them better later in the story it would be enough to mention for example that other than Merlin and Arthur there are others sleeping in their dorm, Gwaine and Lancelot in this case.
Also, you switched the Harry Potter characters into the dialogue at the end. I guess the excitement of posting got the better of you, huh? ;D
But this brings me to the dialogue. Dialogue and conversation brings life and action into a story. But dialogue is not just what characters say, it's also how they say it, how they react and who says what. It's not always immediatly clear who's talking in your story or if they're whispering, shouting, growling or just plainly stating something. Adding this would further flesh out your story.
And the last point I have (this one's less important but still noteworthy), you might want to consider putting this in the crossover section of ffnet as you do have characters of the HP verse and reincarnation in here, so it's less of an AU and more an actual crossover.
That being said, I hope you'll continue this! Nobody's a writer from day 1, we all more or less learn on the job so I hope this will only help you in the future. :)
Please keep up the good work!

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