Just In
for Sins of the Mother

2/26 c1 9QueenErynn
Proclaimerofheroes here from Reddit

OMG ... this right here... THIS RIGHT HERE, my dear Catasterism, is gut wrenchingly wonderful. Horror/Tragedy are just mere words. I would call it Gothic Pain. I was worried at first because it felt super long but oh man am I glad I read it all.

I personally felt anxious like near biting my nails anxiety. Well done, and whether it is this or other things I hope you continue to write on
11/16/2020 c1 RionnaRowena92
Oh my goodness, I just read this and it's absolutely amazing! My stomach just dropped at the ending realising what it meant..! I really loved Lucielles character and her struggle with her inner darkness. Well done, absolutely fantastically written, loved the plot. This story gave me chills
6/3/2020 c1 1blackcatcoffee
Hi! This is parchment_33 from Reddit. This has been a wonderful read, I love the hidden plot twists (So Lucille is a horcrux?) I don’t think I have much to critique really since your prose is wonderful and the dialogue is well-written.
5/22/2020 c1 22omnenomnom
Oooooooooohhhh great twist.

Your writing style is perfect for world building. It added detail to areas we haven't visited before and really established the build up. Well done.
9/18/2019 c1 Caver Floyd
Good story. Looks like a lot of good improvements were made to the ministry’s justice system after the war. I don’t think there likely was a classification of mentally unfit before. Probably just either imperious curse or fully accountable for all actions.
7/15/2019 c1 9Zeitgeist84
Well, as promised, here I am to offer what feedback I can.

Plotwise, this is the most interesting "Bellatrix's daughter" story I've read (though I admit I haven't read a great deal of them), Delphi Riddle need not even apply.

When speaking of prose, I haven't any complaints. Like I've already told you, I think you're too harsh on yourself in terms of prose, because it is very evocative, and a lot of horror fiction is written this way. If I were to provide criticism, I'd say you may want to experiment with a more economical, sparse style of writing in the future: sometimes poetic prose does nothing for the author, and the punch of a more direct style of writing (a la Hemingway and other modernist writers) might be the key to finding enjoyment in it.

I remember you saying that you weren't sure about the ending, and I can see how some people might think of it as being abrupt. But before you consider adding anything definitive, you should instead consider that horror as a rule is not about closure. It's about creating dread rather than a conclusion which you can wrap in a neat bow. I would advise against adding a more definitive ending, simply because it would be utterly extraneous to the point of the story: the horror of Lucille's life has been revealed, what she does with it afterward is important for the character, but ultimately irrelevant to the author and reader. She can either choose to embrace being Bellatrix or reject her past via treatment or suicide, but ultimately I don't think it will add anything of note to the story. Instead it will probably detract from the story by robbing it of its ambiguity, which engages the reader more than a traditional ending. We know that Lucille would rather die than "become Bellatrix," but we also know that she cannot escape her past or her pathological fetish for cruelty and violence. I think you should trust the reader to decide for themselves what happens to her.

However, I do concede that the ending feels a little bit out of place. I think you could rewrite the ending you have so that it *feels* less abrupt. As always with writing, I think the solution can be found in reading and re-reading original fiction. Lovecraft's "The Outsider" is a short story that I think has some parallels to this fic and he manages to write an ending that is both abrupt and yet feels like the right time to end his story. You might want to review it and some other short stories like it and see what makes their endings tick.

But rather than simply just tell you to go look at another author's story for inspiration, I will attempt to provide a solution-though I'm not sure you or others would agree with me on this. If anything, I think you should make the ending less definitive. The story should simply end after "The truth of it rang clearly". I know how that sounds, but I think the reader has already guessed what's happening by that line and everything after it is explaining stuff that doesn't need to be explained. Maybe you just finish with a punchier sentence than "the truth of it rang clearly," but I think there's some artistic merit to simply dropping the story and letting the reader decide what would happen next.

Well, that's all I've got for now, hope this helps some.
7/7/2019 c1 23SchroedingersKneazle
Reading this story was one of the strangest experiences ever for me. Believe it or not, I was working on a story with exactly the same premise when I discovered yours: Bellatrix Lestrange using her daughter's body as a vessel for her own soul. I even had the same title in mind! The details were going to be very different though.

It's safe to say, you're a better writer than me and did justice to an idea where I failed again and again to bring it to life. I'm glad I found your story, so I could finally read what I couldn't write.
6/4/2019 c1 Guest
interesting story! Please clarify: did Lucille kill Rabastan? Or did she just torture him? It was kind of weird to hear him telling her so casually to shut up after all the days of implied torture.
6/4/2019 c1 DanielK31
I have become a huge fan of your writing. I'm so glad I discovered you by accident. I hope you write many more stories to come.
Also, how did you come up with the name hamasarx (is it a word of Latin origin and what does it mean) ?

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service