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3/20/2020 c20 2Thomas Knightshade
I wonder why Maria thought John is interesting, perhaps she's from our world? I also finished my second chapter of Adrift in Remnant, thought that might interest you to give it a read, if you have time of course.
3/7/2020 c19 Krieger 35732111
Sallie needs to atone for her sins by bayonet charging her corrupted counterpart
3/6/2020 c19 GoTeam
Can you make an omake where in the future ozma and Sallie make up and have a little fun in his mindscape.
3/6/2020 c19 2merendinoemiliano
Lovely chapter and introspection.
3/6/2020 c19 sugoijack9
Ozma is being a hypocrite.
Salem would never far gone in going hating the second humanity if Ozma just leave her alone.
If only the guy didn't pull out in leaving her with their children. Salem got to a fit when he see him do that.
All of this tragedy was caused by Ozma that endanger mankind and faunus a second time.
3/6/2020 c19 2Thomas Knightshade
Keep up the good work man.
3/6/2020 c19 Blaze1992
You know I just realized something since their sharing his soul/mindscape/head does that mean they can watch/read anything he's seen/read such as his movies?

Following that can we see a omake where each leads forces that their fans of against each other in his head out of boredom?

Just think he goes to sleep only to wake up to see them attacking each other with people/tech/machines that are fictional. Where it's a 50/50 shot of him either joining in or just turning around saying nope nonstop.

Hell it doesn't even have to be actual battles you could just have them arguing of stuff like parings or which movie is better.
2/26/2020 c18 jcheriscar
I read this entire story in one sitting and I love it make sure he gets all the ladies like Raven that tiger faunus and Weiss's mother you should get it all
2/23/2020 c1 1Jhunt883
Before I read anything. Is that disclaimer taken from SAO abridged?
2/22/2020 c17 Ant0nius
Corrections are now here for chapter 18, and I apparently can't review the same chapter twice. Regardless, let's do this.
- 'There was no snow on the tree branches up above my head, no signs of ice or even the dreadful and chilling temperature that should have gotten my body stiff and aching after sleeping without… my bandages.'/ Add in a comma after the word 'ice'. /Ex: 'There was no snow on the tree branches up above my head, no signs of ice, or even the dreadful and chilling temperature that should have gotten my body stiff and aching after sleeping without… my bandages.'

- 'I glanced at my hands and realized that I was indeed missing the wounds that had been causing me quite the annoyances until now.'/ I'm shocked at how apathetic you appear to be. You categorized "UPPERCUTTING the sharp end of a sword without aura!" as an annoyance. So now, I'm morbidly curious by what you consider 'dangerous'.

- 'Glancing up and around my proximity, I found myself blinking calmly as I was graced with a sense of peace as I continued to study the natural heaven that was the spot I was currently in.'/ Is it necessary to have the last part in? You've already established that he is somewhere else. /Ex: 'Glancing up and around my proximity, I found myself blinking calmly as I was graced with a sense of peace as I continued to study the natural heaven.'

- 'The mystical quiet, added to the pleasant loneliness allowed by the dense forest soothed me from going for a panicked and abrupt recovery, my body slowly leaving its sleepy phase as I started to think about what I was looking at.'/ Add a comma and separate the sentence into 2 sentences. /Ex: 'The mystical silence, adding to the pleasant loneliness the dense forest exuded, soothed me from going into a panic. My body slowly woke up as I started to better examine what I was looking at.'

- 'Considering the level of security in Atlas, even in the poor district where I had unceremoniously made a close encounter with the floor via pain-induced fainting there were some guards wandering around and I couldn’t see why dropping me here of all places would be a smart decision for a kidnapper.'/ Add commas to the sentence. /Ex: 'Considering the level of security in Atlas, even in the poor district where I had unceremoniously made a close encounter with the floor via pain-induced fainting, there were some guards wandering around, and I couldn’t see why dropping me here of all places would be a smart decision for a kidnapper.'

-'There was not even a hint of the pool of corruptions created by Salem to generate Grimm, nor I could hear anything that could dignify the presence of some dangerous animal nearby.'/ Put both of the 2 sentences together. They are the same thought. /Ex: 'I certainly wasn’t in the Grimmlands, thus I hadn’t been scooped out by anyone working in Mami Salami’s group. There wasn't even a hint of the pool of corruptions created by Salem to generate Grimm, nor I could hear anything that could dignify the presence of some dangerous animal nearby.'

- 'I was pretty much alone and I quickly decided to question within my mind Ozpin for some answers.'/ Have an alternative take on this sentence. /Ex: 'As there was no one else to socialize with, I tried mentally asking Ozpin for any answers to the many questions in my head.'

- 'Nothingness and silence greeted me back, causing me to pause to ponder about the possibilities of this being another sign that things were far from fine or that the former Headmaster was merely being a major jerk by trying to keep quiet.'/ Got an alternative take on this sentence. /Ex: 'When nothing but uninterrupted silence answered me, I paused to ponder what this could be. Either it was another sign that things were far from fine, or perhaps this was the former Headmaster merely being a jerk by not responding to my questioning.'

- '...No, he wouldn’t have tried to do anything this much cruel, despite the little care he had over life after spending centuries of leading people to a sure death.'/ Might have a way to better flesh out this sentence. /Ex: '...No, he wouldn't try to do anything this cruel, despite how little he seemed to care about life after spending centuries of leading people to an assured death.'

- 'Still, I stood up from the little bed of flowers and grass, my eyes scanning around once again as I proceeded to venture deeper in this lovely garden.'/ Could use some cleaning up, but I can help with that. /Ex: 'Still, as I stood up from the bed of grass and flowers, my eyes scanned around my surroundings once again, before proceeding to venture deeper into this lovely garden.'

- 'Attentive and slightly-nervous, my steps were slow but mindful of making any unwanted sound as, despite feeling like I was currently alone in that forest-like haven, I still had a hunch, a gut-feeling, that I wasn’t really the only living being in that strange place.'/ Remove the first part, then Split this into two sentences. /Ex: 'My steps were slow in order to me to be mindful of making any unwanted sound. Despite initially feeling like I was the only one in this forest-like haven, a gut-feeling was now making me feel that that I wasn't alone out in this strange place.'

- 'Moments of quiet exploration passed smoothly and uneventfully, the silence driving me to have a quiet breathing while I wandered more inside the unknown.'/ This sentence seems like a waste a space, and isn't contributing at all to the story except to act as filler. Please delete this sentence.

- 'I was keeping a healthy closeness to some of the trees as to use some of those to shield myself from any eventual ambushes that I might found myself targeted by.'/ This is fine, but I have a different interpretation on this sentence. Feel free to include or ignore this suggestion. /Ex: 'I kept close to some of the nearby trees. If I was going to be potentially ambushed soon, these trees would act as good cover against those that would target me.'

- 'or my arm severed by a certain battle-lusting woman.' Having a hard time figuring out who this is describing. Possible candidates right now are Raven and Sienna.

- 'Maybe it was some little camper, maybe this wasn’t something born from my brain and… maybe I just needed to take another nap.
Another hour, maybe two, just to get the last bits of uneasiness off my back.'/ Try putting these sentences together. They are both describing the same action from the same perspective. /Ex: 'Maybe it was some little camper, maybe this wasn’t something born from my brain and… maybe I just needed to take another nap. A few hours should be enough time to get the last bits of uneasiness off my back.'

-'But just as I gave my back and made my first step directed away from that trap'./ Replace the word 'gave' with the word 'turned'. /Ex: 'But just as I turned my back and made my first step away from that trap'.

- 'A greenish hue was now coating my body and I felt my entire self tensing up as I found myself incapable of moving out of that scary stillness.'/ Not sure what you are doing here, but Salem's magic was never shown to be green. Green is the color of magic that Ozma used. Salem's magic has always been depicted to be red. /Ex: 'A reddish hue was now coating my body, and I tensed up as I found myself incapable of moving out of that scary magic grip.'

- 'This was… the human version of Salem, which shouldn’t be there as she and Mami Salami were the same person.'/ Hey Bukharin, I found Fate stuff in your RWBY story. This is the Medusa, Gorgon situation all over again. Regardless, morbidly curious on how Grimm Salem would react to Human Salem.
Corrections are done now, have a great week.
2/22/2020 c18 Ant0nius
The only thing I was wrong about was not thinking big enough. Anyways, does this mean that John now has Ozma(Ozpin) & Pre-Grimm Salem in his Head now. HAHAHAHAHAAHAAAHAAAA! Man, that will be great! I will make sure to have popcorn on hand when/if the two encounter one another, It will be GLORIOUS! Corrections for this chapter's spelling errors should be in soon, so have a fantastic week!
2/22/2020 c18 2Thomas Knightshade
And so we rescued Adam from a harsh fate and a watery grave. We also rescued Watts from being enlisted by Salem. I wonder if we can save Emerald on a trip to Mistral for the future. And Salem is in our head, this will be interesting.
2/22/2020 c18 1ArchAngel319
Thanks again S-B for another awesome chapter. Lots of cool things happened this chapter like with the joining of good Salem to the team. Also it's nice to see Sienna and John finally kind of getting together, not quite there yet but soo dam close. Sienna's such a Tsunder. lol. Good luck with your next chapter, and as always have fun writing.
2/21/2020 c18 2merendinoemiliano
Epic in a hilarious way
2/21/2020 c18 NazgulBelserion
Salem bae gets some love woooooo she's best girl right after Cinder I wish I was a good writer I'd love to write an mc that's evil and is with Salem and Cinder
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