for The Reluctant Hero11/29/2019 c13 
2merendinoemiliano
Hilarious job, can't wait for what the SDC Is a
Up to, i guess Winter Is soon ti be Born.
2merendinoemilianoHilarious job, can't wait for what the SDC Is a
Up to, i guess Winter Is soon ti be Born.
11/29/2019 c13 2Thomas Knightshade
It's nice to have you back after so long but there are some things I need to talk about. You have a tendency to put way to many ellipsis in your writing. It's used for dramatic purposes and used for tense situations. If you put them in every paragraph, it takes away that effect and makes reading tedious. If you want to use pauses, use commas instead of ellipsis. If possible, I would like to beta this story so there are less grammatical errors.
It is nice to see Blake call us uncle. It really warms my heart to see. Hopefully we can see more interactions between the main cast (RWBY and JNPR) as children.
It seems to me that we are soon approaching the Atlas Arc of this story. I would like to see more of Willow before she became a raging alcoholic. And maybe the Schnee trio as well. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
2Thomas KnightshadeIt's nice to have you back after so long but there are some things I need to talk about. You have a tendency to put way to many ellipsis in your writing. It's used for dramatic purposes and used for tense situations. If you put them in every paragraph, it takes away that effect and makes reading tedious. If you want to use pauses, use commas instead of ellipsis. If possible, I would like to beta this story so there are less grammatical errors.
It is nice to see Blake call us uncle. It really warms my heart to see. Hopefully we can see more interactions between the main cast (RWBY and JNPR) as children.
It seems to me that we are soon approaching the Atlas Arc of this story. I would like to see more of Willow before she became a raging alcoholic. And maybe the Schnee trio as well. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
11/3/2019 c12 NazgulBelserion
Omg yes Raven and Mc and Sienna love harem DUDEEEE right now cinder is a Loli find her and adopt her kyaaaa little cinder would of kawai and then when she's older bang her muahaha cause cinder is sexiest girl in show
Omg yes Raven and Mc and Sienna love harem DUDEEEE right now cinder is a Loli find her and adopt her kyaaaa little cinder would of kawai and then when she's older bang her muahaha cause cinder is sexiest girl in show
11/1/2019 c12 victorsan12345
This is one nice story.
Just a question (and perhaps I missed something) about Raven. In this chapter she wasn't described as not being a crazy murderer but that doesn't really fit with her introduction. It's just a little thing that seems weird to me.
This is one nice story.
Just a question (and perhaps I missed something) about Raven. In this chapter she wasn't described as not being a crazy murderer but that doesn't really fit with her introduction. It's just a little thing that seems weird to me.
9/18/2019 c12 Blaze1992
Interesting if a little dramatic at times.
Though confused is this something like a amazon tradition where she has to "claim" him to get back respect in her tribe?
Also will he "create" things from our world into this one, where the end result would be G36 rifles and tanks?
Interesting if a little dramatic at times.
Though confused is this something like a amazon tradition where she has to "claim" him to get back respect in her tribe?
Also will he "create" things from our world into this one, where the end result would be G36 rifles and tanks?
9/10/2019 c12 12Captaindrake123
I did read the ANs, but they did not answer to half of the things I mentioned. You did not address your character being able to hold back Ozpin or if it would be explained later on, you did not explain why everyone was so lighthearted with Raven and teasing her, and you did not explain the magic... and I just didn’t like the Branwen tribe tradition plot element.
The only thing I was wrong about was Sienna, which I honestly apologize for. You did explain that you would dedicate a few chapters to her which I had forgotten, I apologize.
I also apologize for how I wrote that review, looking back I can see that I could have worded that better as to not sound critical of your work. I know what it’s like to have someone critically examine my work and say
they don’t like it, not pleasant.
I don’t think your story is bad, it’s actually pretty solid in how your character goes about Remnant. I just feel a lot of information is being left out to truly explain what is happening to help it make sense. But that’s my opinion, I like it when things are explained-or at least have clues so that I can come to my own conclusions. I like little details and very depicted scenes, but that doesn’t mean you have to write that way. It’s your story, it’s just not my cup of tea.
12Captaindrake123I did read the ANs, but they did not answer to half of the things I mentioned. You did not address your character being able to hold back Ozpin or if it would be explained later on, you did not explain why everyone was so lighthearted with Raven and teasing her, and you did not explain the magic... and I just didn’t like the Branwen tribe tradition plot element.
The only thing I was wrong about was Sienna, which I honestly apologize for. You did explain that you would dedicate a few chapters to her which I had forgotten, I apologize.
I also apologize for how I wrote that review, looking back I can see that I could have worded that better as to not sound critical of your work. I know what it’s like to have someone critically examine my work and say
they don’t like it, not pleasant.
I don’t think your story is bad, it’s actually pretty solid in how your character goes about Remnant. I just feel a lot of information is being left out to truly explain what is happening to help it make sense. But that’s my opinion, I like it when things are explained-or at least have clues so that I can come to my own conclusions. I like little details and very depicted scenes, but that doesn’t mean you have to write that way. It’s your story, it’s just not my cup of tea.
9/10/2019 c12 2Thomas Knightshade
I feel it would be interesting to see Qrow not being completely loyal like he is in the show since he still has a lot to lose. You also characterize Raven a lot better than you do in the show. And Sienna realizes that if she doesn't make a move, he'll be taken. Similar to "A dance of tigers" in similar regard. I'm torn between Raven x John and Sienna x John. I'm more partial to Sienna though.
2Thomas KnightshadeI feel it would be interesting to see Qrow not being completely loyal like he is in the show since he still has a lot to lose. You also characterize Raven a lot better than you do in the show. And Sienna realizes that if she doesn't make a move, he'll be taken. Similar to "A dance of tigers" in similar regard. I'm torn between Raven x John and Sienna x John. I'm more partial to Sienna though.
9/10/2019 c12 1TorynShadowmist
Anytime someone claims a person as "Mine", it goes one of two ways. One is creepy and stalker-ish. The other is usually possessive and wears the pants, so to speak.
1TorynShadowmistAnytime someone claims a person as "Mine", it goes one of two ways. One is creepy and stalker-ish. The other is usually possessive and wears the pants, so to speak.