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for finn the lone hero

3/5/2020 c2 AlphaKenny1
Ok, I have a lot of constructive criticism for ya,
1) You need to your comas and points, your sentences are too long, making them unclear and confusing.
2) You changed between first and third person without any kind of warning, also you change between past and present tenses randomly. You have to fix this because it’s a major turn down for any fic.
3) The story has an unnatural flow to it, like in the first chapter Finn goes for the princess because he wants to buy groceries and he can’t while the castle is on lock down. It makes little to no sense, try to justify his reasons, if he did it just to get items from a story maybe make him complain about the extra work he has to go through.
4) Finally, you sometime restate facts that we already know because of the context of the story. If you’ve said something once before in a paragraph do not repeated it right in the next one.
3/5/2020 c1 AlphaKenny1
I’m confuse, image you continuing the Story, did you give it some one ? And if you did who ? You talked about another writer adopting “Finn the lone hero” but you didn’t mentioned his name.
7/20/2019 c2 Hi2
You should first make an interaction with Bubblegum and then follow it with another short interaction with marceline, In my opinion is best way to do it, then maybe have a long or even continuos interaction with jack and keep Minerva (his mom) to the very last.
7/20/2019 c1 4brandonleewolfe1
Btw:your right I should have just keep his his identity a secret a bit then later he revealed his secret
7/18/2019 c2 Btw
my Friend, you mention that he didn’t wanted his name to be Known, so his adoptive parents wouldn't find him. BUT then he proceeds to yell his name To everyone who ask. Also the story is good and I like the conflict, but it feels rush, try to slow down, give more detailed, more context and more world building. Give us what the characters think, their opinions and different point of views.
7/18/2019 c1 A friendly guy
Hey, what if you make a little edgier and maybe more trigger happy, and also for some constructive criticism, try to expand and give more details. Also you should expand the dialogue behind every decision. Like when he found the kid, the kid pretty much just follow him out of the blue. I know there’s some little text behind it but is no enough.
7/18/2019 c2 Nmb
Some constructive criticism, remember to use plenty of periods, specially when writing a sentence. Some paragraphs get a little messy when you skip periods.

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