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for One Piece: Lightning Dragon

5/26 c2 Eltari
Not to sound rude, but it clearly shows that English is not your first language. I found myself having to constantly re-read multiple words or sentences because they didn’t sound right. For instance, at the start of the chapter when his mother called out to him that breakfast was ready you replied with “I’m going” but the correct response would have been “I’m coming”. ‘Going’ is a word more used when a person is leaving a location (I.e a building or a site), whereas ‘coming’ is moving to the callers location.
5/10 c29 Aveiro01
The story is incredibly slow up to this point. It should become a bit faster and a timeskip may be a good idea to catch up to the main story. I understand that you would want to introduce some characters first and create some bonds but now after intoducing Smoker seems like a good time for that. Also you should not neglect things like Haki. Of course he first needs to controll his devil fruit, but since he is older than Luffy he should start training in it earlier and be even closer to mastery after the timeskip after Marineford.
5/7 c29 Guest
Is this story ever going to actually get anywhere? Also is the MC going to be a moron like Smoker and basically ignore Haki meaning he has zero chance of reaching Admiral. Some thing he would know and would have written down since you decided to play the retarded "no memories" dues ex machina. So far this story has been idiotic and a complete waste of time
5/7 c15 Guest
Your story is Garbage, your MC is supposedly a guy in the 30s who is acting like a 12 year old edgelord who wants to pretend at being batman but sucks at it because they are an incompetent moron.
5/7 c5 Guest
So far this story had been bad, the MC is a moron and the plot is slow and boring
5/7 c3 Guest
Yeah drop lol
3/23 c9 realfan16
ouch, the suspense build up needs dome work. If i may suggest, the readers don't need that much info during event narration, some ppl are so good at predicting the plot that saying 'little did he knew that he ship he talked about with such disdain hid a dragon'...a need less spoiler that cleared any suspense about the mysterious OC whose POV was taken.
3/22 c8 realfan16
Now that's one way of making Oc that author should consider. why create randos no one will remember when you can make a cameo of iconic characters .
3/22 c7 realfan16
hope we won't have to see a training montage of gis time in Marineford. Just the last scene of a man and his tiger overlooking the sunset was foreshadowing asf. i already can see a future scene. some name less pirate's pov: They were so close to escape , they just had to get to the balcony and jump down. Just across the street laid the harbor , the overly large marine ship would surely take time to undock. But then just as they reached the balcony and prepared to jump down.
"What a beautiful sunset!" Came the soft exclamation from somewhere in their left. He couldn't help the sheer dread that overtook him the moment he heard. His two other companions were not better as they resigned themselves to their fate. It might've been a three on one and they only had to escape but each knew it was hopeless. The man calmly sitting on the roof right to their left, seemingly not having noticed them continued to pet his Khan the fearsome tiger from which the insignia of the Khan Marines were based on. They knew they were no match for the captain who was rumoured to be a storm god, facing him on sea was plainly suicidal...
3/14 c29 Sodomi
Sooo, I've been wondering. Will this story tie into the actual plot of one piece at some point?
Like meeting Luffy for example? That would be something I am looking forward to
3/11 c29 King0fP0wers
How ironic. Aokiji was a student of Garp and his teacher's grandson is idolizing him. I think Aokiji could also learn some things from Lucas, just as he might teach him. Nonetheless, a happy family reunion obviously has to end with a fight, no? Frankly, I'm glad that Garp has one relative he doesn't have to worry about... that much.
Smokey! So nice to see him! I can't wait to see Lucas and company working for the griff cowboy cop marine! Smoker is great, I'd say his biggest flaw is that he simply lacks the sheer destructive power of some characters like in the New World. This will be fun!
3/11 c29 dan.lew.upg
Can't wait for more
3/11 c29 2blackbloodywolf
Great new chapter! Can't wait to see where we are going with Smoker next
3/11 c29 2merendinoemiliano
Very well described
2/29 c28 Gigame
oh yeah, I forgot to add this last night but, I am indeed excited for the future chapters, may you have a good day author.
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