for Ascension6/9 c44 uh idk
This feels like an endless fever dream... don't let it end here, I plead of you
This feels like an endless fever dream... don't let it end here, I plead of you
6/8 c24 a slab of concre
Never took Brock for a conspiracy theorist, but here we are.
Never took Brock for a conspiracy theorist, but here we are.
5/28 c44 lionidus
Just finished reading all 44 chapters of Ascension, and I wanted to give you some honest, detailed feedback. I’ve read Monochrome too, so this is coming from someone familiar with how you both write across different fandoms.
Let’s start with the good because there’s a lot of it. Ascension is one of the most well-crafted Pokémon fics I’ve read. The way you’ve expanded on the world is genuinely impressive. The badge system, League politics, the structure of the trainer profession these aren’t just neat headcanons, they’re fully developed mechanics that make the world feel alive. You’ve taken a setting built for gameplay and turned it into something that holds up as a functioning society. It’s immersive without being heavy-handed, and it really draws you in before you even realize it.
Red himself is a huge strength. He has a clear, consistent voice. He’s not just a blank slate to slot into the plot he actually feels like a kid trying to figure out who he is in a world that doesn’t pull its punches. His internal conflict, the gradual growth, the slow realization of how harsh things can be it all works. The early chapters in particular, especially things like his interaction with Richie or the viridian forrest fight against against Team Rocket trainers, stand out. Those moments carry real tension, consequence, and humanity. That’s the core of what makes Ascension powerful.
Now here’s where things start to fall apart for me.
This story runs into the same issue Monochrome did: a heavy tilt into darkness that eventually starts to feel forced. But I’d argue Ascension actually suffers more because of it.
In Monochrome, the darkness worked better, even if by the end it, it also, started to feel flat and underwhelming. It leaned into grim themes, but it had a foundation to support that weight. The original Harry Potter books are full of dark subtext: child neglect, systemic corruption, war, trauma, abuse. Strip away the whimsy, and the core story is grim. That gives you room to push the tone into something harsher without it feeling jarring. You weren’t reinventing the world you were just letting it fully show its teeth.
But with Ascension, it’s different. The Pokémon world, even when explored in a more mature light, is built on connection, perseverance, and growth. Sure, there’s room for violence, struggle, and political complexity, but you need to keep that balance. Darkness alone doesn’t sustain a story in this world. You need the bonds between trainers and Pokémon. You need moments of joy, discovery, triumph even if they're hard-earned.
In Ascension, that balance starts strong and then gradually slips away. The deeper we get into mythology, divine symbolism, the existential dread the less the story feels like Pokémon. Mewtwo’s introduction as a detached or malevolent god didn’t feel grand or awe-inspiring it just felt cold. And not in a way that deepened the story. It flattened it. It took what was a gritty but personal trainer journey and turned it into something abstract and emotionally distant.
And the darkness itself? After a while, it stops feeling impactful. In Monochrome, that same issue cropped up toward the end. The more pain, loss, and bleak revelation you stack, the less each one lands. It stops feeling real and starts feeling like a tone choice rather than an emotional reality. You run the risk of desensitizing the reader and that’s what happened for me. I wasn’t shocked anymore. I wasn’t moved. I just felt tired. Like the story was dragging me through itself to make a point, and I wasn’t even sure what that point was anymore.
It’s a shame, because your writing is so strong when it’s focused on people. You excel at character dynamics, tension, and world logic. The story is at its best when it’s showing Red navigate an impossible system, making hard choices, facing real consequences. That’s where the drama lives. That’s where the power is. Not in gods and prophecies and symbols detached from the emotional core.
So yeah, I’m still reading. And I still care. But I care in spite of where the story’s going, not because of it.
You’ve built something really special with Ascension. I just hope the ending returns to what made it shine in the first place character over concept, personal stakes over cosmic ones, and darkness that means something instead of just setting a mood.
Just finished reading all 44 chapters of Ascension, and I wanted to give you some honest, detailed feedback. I’ve read Monochrome too, so this is coming from someone familiar with how you both write across different fandoms.
Let’s start with the good because there’s a lot of it. Ascension is one of the most well-crafted Pokémon fics I’ve read. The way you’ve expanded on the world is genuinely impressive. The badge system, League politics, the structure of the trainer profession these aren’t just neat headcanons, they’re fully developed mechanics that make the world feel alive. You’ve taken a setting built for gameplay and turned it into something that holds up as a functioning society. It’s immersive without being heavy-handed, and it really draws you in before you even realize it.
Red himself is a huge strength. He has a clear, consistent voice. He’s not just a blank slate to slot into the plot he actually feels like a kid trying to figure out who he is in a world that doesn’t pull its punches. His internal conflict, the gradual growth, the slow realization of how harsh things can be it all works. The early chapters in particular, especially things like his interaction with Richie or the viridian forrest fight against against Team Rocket trainers, stand out. Those moments carry real tension, consequence, and humanity. That’s the core of what makes Ascension powerful.
Now here’s where things start to fall apart for me.
This story runs into the same issue Monochrome did: a heavy tilt into darkness that eventually starts to feel forced. But I’d argue Ascension actually suffers more because of it.
In Monochrome, the darkness worked better, even if by the end it, it also, started to feel flat and underwhelming. It leaned into grim themes, but it had a foundation to support that weight. The original Harry Potter books are full of dark subtext: child neglect, systemic corruption, war, trauma, abuse. Strip away the whimsy, and the core story is grim. That gives you room to push the tone into something harsher without it feeling jarring. You weren’t reinventing the world you were just letting it fully show its teeth.
But with Ascension, it’s different. The Pokémon world, even when explored in a more mature light, is built on connection, perseverance, and growth. Sure, there’s room for violence, struggle, and political complexity, but you need to keep that balance. Darkness alone doesn’t sustain a story in this world. You need the bonds between trainers and Pokémon. You need moments of joy, discovery, triumph even if they're hard-earned.
In Ascension, that balance starts strong and then gradually slips away. The deeper we get into mythology, divine symbolism, the existential dread the less the story feels like Pokémon. Mewtwo’s introduction as a detached or malevolent god didn’t feel grand or awe-inspiring it just felt cold. And not in a way that deepened the story. It flattened it. It took what was a gritty but personal trainer journey and turned it into something abstract and emotionally distant.
And the darkness itself? After a while, it stops feeling impactful. In Monochrome, that same issue cropped up toward the end. The more pain, loss, and bleak revelation you stack, the less each one lands. It stops feeling real and starts feeling like a tone choice rather than an emotional reality. You run the risk of desensitizing the reader and that’s what happened for me. I wasn’t shocked anymore. I wasn’t moved. I just felt tired. Like the story was dragging me through itself to make a point, and I wasn’t even sure what that point was anymore.
It’s a shame, because your writing is so strong when it’s focused on people. You excel at character dynamics, tension, and world logic. The story is at its best when it’s showing Red navigate an impossible system, making hard choices, facing real consequences. That’s where the drama lives. That’s where the power is. Not in gods and prophecies and symbols detached from the emotional core.
So yeah, I’m still reading. And I still care. But I care in spite of where the story’s going, not because of it.
You’ve built something really special with Ascension. I just hope the ending returns to what made it shine in the first place character over concept, personal stakes over cosmic ones, and darkness that means something instead of just setting a mood.
4/17 c1 juancruzravazzini
This is my favourite book i've read in a long time. are you guys ever gonna update it? I love the whole concept of the story and the personalities of the characters (although it did move slowly, like 44 chapters just for pewtwr city is kinda crazy). I really feel like red needs a grass mon, maybe something like a prankster whimsicott would be really interesting to see with his training methods.
please updateeee
This is my favourite book i've read in a long time. are you guys ever gonna update it? I love the whole concept of the story and the personalities of the characters (although it did move slowly, like 44 chapters just for pewtwr city is kinda crazy). I really feel like red needs a grass mon, maybe something like a prankster whimsicott would be really interesting to see with his training methods.
please updateeee
11/23/2024 c44 pardon
but are you going to continue this fanfiction ?
but are you going to continue this fanfiction ?
11/18/2024 c34 i.amdizzy2
Don’t care who this blue hair bastard is kill em and be done with it. How dare he.
Don’t care who this blue hair bastard is kill em and be done with it. How dare he.