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for Of Grimm and Malevolence

1/4 c9 Guest
Hurry the fuck up.
1/4 c4 Guest
Your new aura sound cool.
1/4 c1 Guest
Shadow joestar both laphis are related by blood one is her brother the other is her reincarnated nephew.
4/13/2020 c9 137Shadow Joestar
KO awesome story, I’m liking how you have each of the members being separated from each other and meeting some of the RWBY world characters and I hope Ozpin doesn’t trust in Artorius‘s plan because I’m he’ll see through that. Can we also a get moment like Velvet and Laphicet going on an actual date.
3/26/2020 c9 1TykkiMikk
wow if i am getting this right this isa going to be one fucked up war Salem with Velvet and co vs Ozpin and Artorious. Boy is that going to get awfully wild
3/26/2020 c9 2Tsakta
Two chapters in as many days? You’re spoiling us! Definitely curious what direction you’ll take this meeting, although a cutaway to another character is fine by me. A little mystery never killed anyoneEvery character you’ve covered so far has me curious so I’m glad this is updating again.
3/26/2020 c9 NightmareKnight1
Oh no... not that jackass. I can only imagine how horribly things will go now that Artorius is involved in this.
3/26/2020 c9 kamikazekobolds147
I thought I had some idea of where you might be headed with this story, and then that last line happened. Why must you play with my heart like this?
3/24/2020 c2 raogzero
Oh man, I can tell I really am gonna love this story. Gotta say you are really good at nailing the character's thought patterns. Best of luck with writing this.
3/21/2020 c7 NightmareKnight1
I gotta say, I really love this fic. Can't wait to see what Eizen, Eleanor and Magilou are up to.
11/4/2019 c7 Tsakta
Any word on another chapter? I hate to see the rare well written crossover die off, especially with so few Berseria fics to begin with. If it’s a matter of motivation then just know that I’m not picky about particulars, your writing is well thought out and engaging and I’ll wait however long it takes for more.
8/16/2019 c7 Tsakta
I appreciate that all the fights so far are from a side character’s perspective. Curious who gets the next chapter. I’m betting Eleanor but hoping Bienfu.
7/28/2019 c6 Kamencolin
A DMC reference good to see
7/28/2019 c6 Tsakta
I don’t think Tyrian is mentally prepared to deal with Phi’s shenanigans. Love the care you’re putting into this, keep it up!
7/25/2019 c5 3CloudFry
Oh yeah. This one's good.

Characterization is so damn hard to do when it comes to fanfiction. This, in my opinion, is one of the greatest pitfalls when it comes to writing stuff like this. Mary sues, lack of detail, overly extravagant prose, wandering plot, telling not showing... all of that really takes a backseat in my book if the story I'm reading has characters that are believable; that is, true to the source material.

Which is to say you've done a great job doing that here in this fic. Nice.

I'll go over all the schematics stuff first. Grammar's great. Dialogue's great. Nothing particularly takes me out of the story that's being told to me in that respect, with the exception of a few typos here and there. Line breaks and transitions are clear as can be. The point of view inherent in the writing is clean and directed. I cite "Fight" as a great example that features a different POV to that of the protagonist that injects even more interest into the writing. Everything just flows, and that's the mark of a great writer who can guide the reader effortlessly into the good stuff without a hitch.

It's obvious that there's a considerable amount of planning and structure behind the narrative, and it shows with the way the plot flows. And on that note, I'd like to say that I am quite intrigued by where this story will be going. Pacing and structure are well thought-out and methodical, going at a believable rate relative to the nature of such a crossover story such as this. Keep it up. I look forward to seeing what you have in store for these characters.

Naturally, I'd have to add my own two cents as well.

As far as characterization goes, like I said, all of the characters are pretty close to the source material. There are a few things though. (Keep in mind I'm very picky with this sorta stuff; these are just what I felt) Rokurou is maybe a little too laid back? And Magilou seems to also fall prey to the error that I made a lot myself in that she's perhaps a bit too over-the-top sometimes in her dialogue (too many ! marks and the like). But of course, those are just nitpicks. And I can't add jack for the RWBY characters because I'm pretty much the same as the Berseria characters in that I'm not extraordinarily familiar with the source material. Them's the breaks. I can at least say they are clearly defined with identities of their own though.

In addition, there's grammar problems here and there. For example, the first line of the fic has a trailing spot of whitespace after "any" and the question mark. A few things here and there that a beta reader could help sort out.

And finally, a problem I can relate to very much, is dealing with the thought process from the point of view of a person going to a different world. It's difficult to simulate the information overload this would have on someone, but I'd caution you against providing too much info-dump sections throughout your writing! It's best to spread them out as much as you can, balancing logic and reason with the emotions that you wanna keep flowing to the reader, if you catch my drift.

Alright. I'm done here. Overall, I'd say this fic is a clear cut above the rest of it's kind, and I'm very, very enthusiastic about it. With a fantastic structural base in its grammar and characterization alongside its methodical and expertly set pacing traversing a clearly devised plot, this fic is one of the few ones I'm going to be keeping a close eye on in the coming weeks. Keep up the great work.

Oh, and I'd be happy to beta read future chapters for grammar if you'd like.

Cheers!
CloudFry
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