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for Death's Champion

8/1/2019 c4 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
8/1/2019 c3 6lilly-flower15
great chapter update soon
8/1/2019 c3 bellapom
I like strong smart Harry, and awesome Tonks
7/31/2019 c1 ShnabS
That's some atrocious shit right in the beginning. Solid foundation for whimping Harry, bending to every whim of his next passion.
7/27/2019 c1 Shetan20
Thank you for an enjoyable chapter.
7/27/2019 c2 SLYNNR
7/26/2019 c2 lilly-flower15
great chapter update soon
7/26/2019 c2 5plums
Um yeah... You need a beta.

A quick piece of advice. Only one person should ever speak per paragraph. If a new person “starts to speak”, then start a new paragraph.
7/26/2019 c2 9zugrian
Okay, you said you were wanting constructive criticism so here goes. I'm going to start by assuming that you don't have everything planned out. If you do, feel free to ignore some/all of my advice.

First of all, I get that Harry's been through hell, but I really hope he starts to have more of a spine, especially when dealing with girls. Rowling wrote him like a nearly-frigid lesbian. He's a teenage guy, he should have a very active libido. Letting Ginny ruin his love life is the exact opposite of going back & fixing things. Especially as Harry having children this time around is one of the major points that Death fixed. Don't let him mope too long, that's never fun. This is someone who has defeated the worst Dark Lord ever, let Harry have some self-confidence for once in his pitiful life. Being afraid to date is the opposite of what I'd like to see. Hell, he could even hook up with Cho before Cedric cockblocks him.

And speaking of romance, you apparently have the pairing set. I'd guess Beatrice or maybe Luna at this point (obviously not Ginny or Hermione) and I would be happy to see either of those options. If it's someone else, I'd recommend introducing them fairly soon if the romance is going to be much of a focus. Fleur could be fun too, especially with Harry being wiser/more powerful than the wimpy chump of canon.

Now, as for the basic 'go back in time to fix things' premise- I'm always much more in favor of Harry letting loose & being as much of an agent of chaos as possible. I get the need to finish Riddle at the graveyard, but other than that, please don't stick too close to canon. GoF is probably the most written about time period in HP fanfic land, so between that & the book, we've all read the story a thousand times. That's why I made sure to throw in a bunch of curveballs to change things around when I went through year 4 in my story.

Next, I'd recommend being careful with the whole compulsion magic idea. It's really dangerous way to make pretty much anyone compliant with whatever evil manipulators you've got & it often ends up being a lame way to railroad the plot even when characters should do things completely differently. I also recommend being careful with how you deal with Dumbledore. Bashing him is fine, but if you make him too evil & competent (he's arguably much more negligent & careless in canon) it can be a problem for Harry to get stuck between 2 Dark Lords, and that's never fun. Even when it's a Super Harry story.

I'm very much in favor of Master of Death Harry interacting with Beatrice as much as possible. She's a really fun character & so far she's the high point of the story.

I'm more mixed on the magical snakes. They aren't bad or anything, but I hope they have more of a purpose than just giving Harry something cool & powerful. Zeus could be a really useful spy, for example. Hestia could help him hack the wards of everywhere Harry goes (and Hogwarts could be a lot more interesting that way).

Anyway, hope that helps.
7/26/2019 c2 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
7/26/2019 c2 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
7/26/2019 c1 SLYNNR
7/25/2019 c1 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
7/25/2019 c1 bellapom
I like it so far.
7/25/2019 c1 cloudedorange
Ok, so the whole evil Ginny and Ron thing threw me off a little bit. It seemed out of character and rushed. I would suggest having flashbacks in the next chapters detailing the disintegration of Harry/Ginny and Harry/Ron. Really well written piece though. I also liked the concept of 'Lady Death'. One of my favorite author's Charles Bukowski plays around with that idea in the novel PULP and it works really well here. Also I think his love interest is going to be Lady Death. That would be super cool and she sounds bad ass. That or Hermione.
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