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5/31 c5 19The Rhombus
First of all, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies for the delay in reviewing this latest chapter. It has been a rough week on my end, but reading this chapter was a nice way to get back into the swing of things again. Your writing certainly did not disappoint as we got to see Mo meet the rest of his valley friends. :)

In many ways this chapter focused on the building of trust between not only Mo and his new friends, but also trust in his own prospects. For in the beginning of this chapter we get to see the self-doubt and inner turmoil residing in Mo, which was lacking in the canon film. Here we can feel his concerns about ever being accepted even if his mission ends in success and was made as a true mission, and not merely something to eliminate him from the herd. The lack of empathy from Orca and Kelp would indicate continued antagonism even if he came home successfully. But this changes when he finally gets to meet the rest of the gang. For in each of them he sees a quality that reminds him of some of his own qualities, including, in Petrie's speech pattern, a similarity in terms of what was used to mock him. Whether they know it or not, the gang is solidifying the swimmer's willingness to trust them simply through truly being who they are. Which, from what we have learned about Mo in this story, is a quality that he would respect.

Though, with how this chapter ended, I think both Mo and the gang will need that trust going forward. Lagda is shaping up to be more menacing than what we saw in the film. I look forward to seeing how Mo deals with this predicament without worrying his new friends.
5/19 c5 8Anagnos
It has been some time since this story was last updated that I even forgot some of the details from the previous chapter, my apologies for this beforehand. I actually had to go back and read the story up to this point because I couldn’t recall a single thing about this story at first, but I’m by no means pinning the blame on you due to recent inactivity, but rather of my own poor memory that made this little accident possible.

Seeing Mo in low spirits right at the start was quite the saddening turnaround from the usually bright and joyful swimmer, especially right after making a new friend. The film’s depiction of this is very much unlike what we’ve seen here where it is detailed without leaving a stone unturned, so to speak. You can practically feel Mo’s pain as if it were your very own and the situation was made worse by Mo’s own internal struggle with his personality and the trouble he’s had to endure because he’s different from the rest of his water kin.

I liked the comparisons you made here either intentionally or by chance in regards to another character that this same issue hits very close home to, and that person is Petrie. It heavily reminded me of the issues the flyer has to deal with on a daily basis from Mo who has faced the same with his two biggest antagonists, Orca and Kelp. In light of this, you have made something new out of nothing as we didn’t really see how the water kin conducted their everyday lives when Mo was still part of them. For this, you deserve to be applauded.

Luckily, Mo’s short-term disillusionment is eased when he is introduced to the rest of the Gang, and let’s be honest, some of the descriptions and first impressions the swimmer had of them were quite funny and well done. But then this sweet, but short-lived moment is interrupted by none other than the ghastly sharptooth swimmer, Lagda. If it weren’t for the film, I’d be very worried for the Gang right now, but as we’ll very likely follow the plot of the entire movie (or at least a bulk of it), there is no need to be worried about what’ll happen next. However, knowing you, there likely will be more into it than just a concise jump scare incoming.
5/17 c5 26Keijo6
This was a pretty interesting retelling of that scene. Mo’s thoughts are obviously a mystery in the film and in fact, it is pretty amusing to think just how little we know about Mo. We’ve grown to see him as a simple fun-loving creature but here we are presented with a very different picture about Mo’s mentality which is always a great addition to any tale. That adds a good twist to that scene as it creates more dimensions to the start of the ninth film’s adventure.

About Mo’s initial feelings concerning the Gang, they were well presented as I said. It was even saddening to see him think that all potential friends in the world are fake and that was a stark contrast to the Mo we’ve come to see. However, it also felt a tiny bit unfitting to that scene as any attempts to see something doubtfulness or hesitation within the swimmer are far-fetched at best. He seemed more than happy during that scene but it’s possible he’s just a master in hiding his emotions. That being said, this was a very good continuation to this story and it also showed you have much to add to the film’s plot.
5/17 c5 zero fullbuster
Love it.
Great update as always.
Great to have you back in this story.
I can't wait what happens next.
12/23/2019 c4 19The Rhombus
Oh wow, one really has to feel for Mo in this chapter! From his joy that the storm had passed, to his perplexment at the green hues around him, to his joy at finding a new friend, and then to his despair at seemingly losing that promise of friendship, Mo has gone through an entire rainbow of emotions in a relatively short span of time. The use of Mo's perspective during the initial meeting with Littlefoot provides a lot more detail into the swimmer's thoughts and emotions during this critical scene. As others have said previously, this is something that is lacking in the canon material so it is nice to see more of Mo's insights here. I look forward to seeing how you incorporate the canon material into your story from here on out, but thus far you are going a great job. :)
12/22/2019 c4 zero fullbuster
Love it.
Great to have you back in this story.
Great update as always.
I can't wait what happens next.
12/22/2019 c4 26Keijo6
Finally, we reach the point where this fic meets the movie. I quite like the way you portrayed Littlefoot and Mo’s first meeting as it gave us a deeper look into what was going on within Mo’s head during that encounter in regard to his past relationships as well as the overall notion of just how alien the Great Valley must have looked to the swimmer. Those revelations really evens the field between the longneck and the swimmer as even now, we know very little about Mo’s real thoughts from canon stories.

Also, it was good to see that scene being extended as it makes the plot seem far more complete than before. Of course, there weren’t surprises in terms of the plot here but you did a great job in incorporating your story into the film. From now on, however, it’ll be intriguing to see how you’ll move the story forward. Will there be major skips to go through the film asap or will there be changes to the film’s plot? In any case, this was a good installment.
12/22/2019 c4 8Anagnos
Now things are certainly starting to get interesting as we arrive at the point where the film first introduces Mo and his story. Unlike in the films, here we are presented with a clearer outlook into Mo’s characterization and the events surrounding his sudden appearance in the valley that you managed to flesh out without any major problems surfacing. Let me say that I was particularly paying close attention to what Mo felt like throughout the chapter, and I certainly wasn’t disapointed in that regard as everything worked as I’d expected them to. That and adding more purpose for Mo’s character certainly work in your favor as it is one of the main things I thoroughly enjoy watch happen and you most certainly do it well.

While it may have been a relatively short chapter for exchange, I feel like that ultimately proves to be profitable once the tension starts to rise later on. And we for sure got a bit of that with the little inclusion towards the end. This works to be the groundwork for things to come and I cannot wait to see how you will tackle those developments when we eventually get there. I will be looking forward to more in-depth angles in this story in the following chapters.
8/18/2019 c3 19The Rhombus
This chapter was a nice change of pace as the (entirely justified) slow world-building of the previous chapters has given way to frenzied action as Mo fights for his very life. There are many things in this chapter that work well - from the sarcasm of the predator, to Mo's uncertain thoughts mixed with mischief and hope, to his crowning moment of triumph on the wave - and their rapid-fire order in this fic shows that we (and Mo) are now in uncharted waters. This rapid change of pace did not seem out of place, however; far from it. It actually gives one the impression of being forced suddenly into a new realm of possibilities.

I look forward to seeing what awaits Mo after he regains consciousness. :)
8/17/2019 c3 8Anagnos
It is indeed very true that this chapter gave much needed insight to several issues from the previous chapters. Until now, the storytelling has been quite slow-paced, but the initial density is long gone by now, which will only take matters into a much better direction. The chase portion at the start was a grand surprise admittedly, but a welcome one as it gave this story that boost of action which was definitely required to make things roll and much more interesting in the long-term.

Mo’s tactics against the swimming sharptooth in this chapter was a very interesting conception that not only offered more insight to Mo, but also for his newfound enemy and a massive threat, Lagda. Indeed, he appeared to do everything in his power to discourage Mo from completing his task, something that didn’t exactly work in his favor in the end, as his taunting actually made him more inclined to complete his mission and while it’s a complete mystery as of now if Tenor really mislead Mo to get him severely hurt or even killed, it certainly wouldn’t be impossible to believe so.

Personally, I didn’t find anything in this chapter that managed to disappoint me or my expectations on what would occur this time around. True, we have now crossed over to the film’s starting point, so we will definitely see more familiar scenes in the future installments and it will be quite the experience to see what you’ll come up with in the future chapters. I wholeheartedly agree with Sovereign’s point that it’s been a remarkable journey so far.
8/15/2019 c3 A fan
Hey it's me now i know I have no ground to stand on but you said that you wouldn't give up on terminal paralysis yet here we are 2 months later with nothing all I ask is confirmation is it dead or not you don't need to update it yet but I just have to ask I'm sorry
8/15/2019 c3 26Keijo6
This was indeed a strong chapter filled with intense action as well as some nice looks into Mo’s thoughts. We saw actually nothing of the swimmer’s inner motives and feelings so that makes those kinds of looks into his mind that much more interesting. The first half of this installment was certainly an exciting one as the chase itself and Lagda’s introduction were very well done and the latter was something I hadn’t really thought we’d see.

The sharptooth’s conversation offered a good example of his sadistic instincts while also offering Mo some new insights to his mission. It’s more than believable that the beast’s words would dishearten Mo even further but luckily that didn’t happen. Tenor didn’t seem like a treacherous swimmer but we’ll most likely see his true motives before the end. Though, I must say that parts of Lagda’s dialogue felt rather cliché and reminiscent of a generic, moustache-twirling villain. It wasn’t that bothering but still noticeable.

As for the latter parts of the chapter, they certainly were intense. That wave demonstrated very well how Mo reached the Valley and it seems like we’re approaching the film’s starting point soon enough. It’ll be fun to see where you’ll end this story but thus far, it has been a good ride.
8/4/2019 c2 19The Rhombus
Now this is an interesting turn in the story. Tenor's offer to convince the others to let Mo back in their good graces provided that Mo accomplishes a difficult task is certainly understandable from both a political and utilitarian point of view, which this leader certainly has. Tenor must maintain his reputation if he is to maintain power (lest power might fall upon one of the more ambitious and less far-sided would-be claimants) and he must also look out for the well-being of his group. If Mo can prove his worthiness with this challenge then Tenor gains assurance of the later, and secures a way to pull rank and let Mo re-enter the group without risking his power base. As far as political leadership goes, Tenor is the most sympathetic member of the group portrayed thus far, especially when Orca and Kelp are used for frames of reference.

This is an excellent way of providing Mo with a pathway to interacting with the gang. I look forward to seeing Mo's perspective of the events to come.
8/2/2019 c2 8Anagnos
It is indeed very comforting to know that Mo isn’t completely alone in this challenging endeavor he is now doomed to face after being kicked out by his own kin. Tenor certainly appears to view Mo in a lot more different manner than the others. Where they see only failure and shame, he sees something much greater than that. And this particular change in the story where Tenor hands out the objective to Mo that he needs to fulfill in order to return to his water kin certainly explains the events which transpired into his appearance in the Valley.

And yes, while Orca might be a major bully, in my opinion at least, he does raise some valid points about Mo that cannot be quelled anymore. Even so, the way he is doing this is absolutely disgusting and unforgivable. I can definitely see why someone like Mo wouldn’t be very popular among the swimmers, but at least I’d expect him to show some form of sympathy and understanding. And might I add, I think he actually did. Of course, I could always be in the wrong about that as well. The future chapters and the eventual reunion with the water kin will no doubt clear some things that are in the dark right now.

Now I realize that my text might seem a bit, I don’t know, sluggish or judgmental. However, that definitely is not my intention, so apologies about that. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, even reviews seem to be harder than before. Anyway, another wonderful chapter and I completely share Sovereign’s views about the future of this tale.
8/1/2019 c2 26Keijo6
Alright, it’s not difficult at all to see which way this fic is going. Tenor’s offer explains a whole lot of how Mo got to the Valley in the first place and his mission is quite interesting. I quite enjoyed his character as he showed at least some kindness to Mo while trying to force the other swimmer to prove the others wrong. It was just enough to give him some hope to help him move forward which is more than encouraging to see.

Orca sure wants to make Mo’s life miserable and he certainly has succeeded in it very well. One can only hope that he’ll pay in some way soon enough even if he had his reasons for all of this. I liked how Kelp rose against him, showing that the latter will have few friends left at this pace. As for the ending, it’s quite obvious which sharptooth we’re talking about here and it’ll be interesting to see whether it and Mo will meet again before the film’s events. This was a good chapter and I’m sure the rest of this story will be great as well.
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