for Chaotic Good10/3/2022 c12 
1Slackboy101
Is it wrong I am hoping Raven from the og Titans is the girl from that tree?
1Slackboy101Is it wrong I am hoping Raven from the og Titans is the girl from that tree?
9/19/2022 c14 Guest
First half of chapters was very entertaining, second half pretty much killed any interest I still had in this story. Second half way to much monologuing and way to much attention on the other oc. None existence on furthering the story or even exploring the outside world enough. Just to many variables that killed interest in story. Shame really, it was quite good in beginning.
First half of chapters was very entertaining, second half pretty much killed any interest I still had in this story. Second half way to much monologuing and way to much attention on the other oc. None existence on furthering the story or even exploring the outside world enough. Just to many variables that killed interest in story. Shame really, it was quite good in beginning.
9/3/2022 c15 worom001
Ah man, ever since the transfer happened I've just been skipping through the chapters without properly reading them. Nothing against you or anything, you're writing style is good and nice to read, but I just don't really want to read about Noa and Archer constantly. Before, for almost all chapters is mainly about Miyagi and his self improvement, his exploration, his dilemmas, his munchkining and insanity that the other characters show and react to. The since we've switched it mostly just been him talking to the maidens, constantly, with little to no actual improvements or advancement, especially not so much when we know they've been manufactured to behave so. It was different in the original novel for Overlord and the character interactions because it was unexpected, because we didn't know what they were like, we only had small snippets. With the maidens, we know pretty much everything there is to know, and realistically speaking it lacks everything that made the overlord characters what made them who they were. Having around half, or a third of all the story just be him talking or proclaiming how much he loves them or that dragons mate for life gets annoying and boring. Quick. I originally stuck with this fic because of the first half, the preperation and exploration of the manipulation and exploitation of an inbuilt system. It is unique and satisfying to read. His madness for example that you mentioned through the Eldritch npc was somewhat explored but is made moot when there is a severe lack of madness and insanity to show for it. In the first half of the story, we knew he was borderline insane not through Miyagi himself, but through those around him. The guild members, the developers, his reputation as a madman, doing that which no one else does. In the second half, once the transfer happens, all of that goes away. His madness and drive is an integral part of his character and even story, and without those characters to show us this trait it makes him so fucking bland. Absolutely bland. I mean, he's an ancient fucking dragon, yet it doesn't feel like in ANY way. The way he talked to the other dragon showed a maturity that only really comes with age, yet when he talks with the npcs in Nazarick it feels like I'm watching an apathetic or highly paranoid teen. When talking to maidens, there is a severe lack of the maturity, which can be excused for being with his loved ones, as well as his madness.
In fact, this madness shouldve been exacerbated upon transferring due to his body altering how his brain functions. We saw it with Momonga in the source material, yet somehow Miyagi ended up the opposite that what shouldve happened. If anything he mellowed down to an absurd degree. That shouldn't happen, especially not with his body and mind now being a truly ancient thing. We've seen that in his lore, the character law for 'the ancient one' within Yggdrasil that he was pretty much borderline psychopathic and insane, one day destroying a world, the next saving one, with seemingly no actual decision making but pure whims. He should be different.
This is just a personal gripe, not about how I don't like it, but how I EXPECTED it to go when I got a couple chapters into the story. This is not to say what you did is wrong, in fact it seems to me like you've had this planned out for a while, perhaps showing the maidens a lot for character development and to have Miyagi eventually rediscover his ancient memories that are hidden away. It's not constructive criticism, it's not even criticism, it's just me ranting. Take this comment with a grain of salt.
My apologies for any grammar mistakes.
Ah man, ever since the transfer happened I've just been skipping through the chapters without properly reading them. Nothing against you or anything, you're writing style is good and nice to read, but I just don't really want to read about Noa and Archer constantly. Before, for almost all chapters is mainly about Miyagi and his self improvement, his exploration, his dilemmas, his munchkining and insanity that the other characters show and react to. The since we've switched it mostly just been him talking to the maidens, constantly, with little to no actual improvements or advancement, especially not so much when we know they've been manufactured to behave so. It was different in the original novel for Overlord and the character interactions because it was unexpected, because we didn't know what they were like, we only had small snippets. With the maidens, we know pretty much everything there is to know, and realistically speaking it lacks everything that made the overlord characters what made them who they were. Having around half, or a third of all the story just be him talking or proclaiming how much he loves them or that dragons mate for life gets annoying and boring. Quick. I originally stuck with this fic because of the first half, the preperation and exploration of the manipulation and exploitation of an inbuilt system. It is unique and satisfying to read. His madness for example that you mentioned through the Eldritch npc was somewhat explored but is made moot when there is a severe lack of madness and insanity to show for it. In the first half of the story, we knew he was borderline insane not through Miyagi himself, but through those around him. The guild members, the developers, his reputation as a madman, doing that which no one else does. In the second half, once the transfer happens, all of that goes away. His madness and drive is an integral part of his character and even story, and without those characters to show us this trait it makes him so fucking bland. Absolutely bland. I mean, he's an ancient fucking dragon, yet it doesn't feel like in ANY way. The way he talked to the other dragon showed a maturity that only really comes with age, yet when he talks with the npcs in Nazarick it feels like I'm watching an apathetic or highly paranoid teen. When talking to maidens, there is a severe lack of the maturity, which can be excused for being with his loved ones, as well as his madness.
In fact, this madness shouldve been exacerbated upon transferring due to his body altering how his brain functions. We saw it with Momonga in the source material, yet somehow Miyagi ended up the opposite that what shouldve happened. If anything he mellowed down to an absurd degree. That shouldn't happen, especially not with his body and mind now being a truly ancient thing. We've seen that in his lore, the character law for 'the ancient one' within Yggdrasil that he was pretty much borderline psychopathic and insane, one day destroying a world, the next saving one, with seemingly no actual decision making but pure whims. He should be different.
This is just a personal gripe, not about how I don't like it, but how I EXPECTED it to go when I got a couple chapters into the story. This is not to say what you did is wrong, in fact it seems to me like you've had this planned out for a while, perhaps showing the maidens a lot for character development and to have Miyagi eventually rediscover his ancient memories that are hidden away. It's not constructive criticism, it's not even criticism, it's just me ranting. Take this comment with a grain of salt.
My apologies for any grammar mistakes.
9/2/2022 c4 worom001
The ring effect to heal 20 creatures to full hp is op. If I remember correctly he had an item that gives 1% of hp every second fairly early on in the 2-quest glitched mob farm area. And then his title of the world guardian or something gave him 1000% health regeneration right? Does that 1000% stack with the 1% every second? Does that mean he can regen pretty much instantly?
The ring effect to heal 20 creatures to full hp is op. If I remember correctly he had an item that gives 1% of hp every second fairly early on in the 2-quest glitched mob farm area. And then his title of the world guardian or something gave him 1000% health regeneration right? Does that 1000% stack with the 1% every second? Does that mean he can regen pretty much instantly?
9/1/2022 c15 yahiro365
You're inspiring. I think I want to try writing an Overlord story now. Your setup for all this is cool af.
You're inspiring. I think I want to try writing an Overlord story now. Your setup for all this is cool af.
8/8/2022 c15 TheLostArchivist
Argh, nooo! Press F to pay respects indeed. Well, more like F-! :D
I'm a leech who doesn't support anyone anywhere, so while I won't be doing any pa3on support at least it's equal opportunity. I'm somewhat curious about the old stories, but fair enough for whether or not you ever post them to the public. I'm all for keeping unfinished works private (but I get mad at people if they get deleted once posted), so it may be for the best if you're unsure.
I'm looking forward to your work being on other sites. I always worry that FFN's aging codebase is going to go 'spoing' one day and disappear...
Argh, nooo! Press F to pay respects indeed. Well, more like F-! :D
I'm a leech who doesn't support anyone anywhere, so while I won't be doing any pa3on support at least it's equal opportunity. I'm somewhat curious about the old stories, but fair enough for whether or not you ever post them to the public. I'm all for keeping unfinished works private (but I get mad at people if they get deleted once posted), so it may be for the best if you're unsure.
I'm looking forward to your work being on other sites. I always worry that FFN's aging codebase is going to go 'spoing' one day and disappear...
8/6/2022 c14 Oddballzebra
You really need to give it a rest with the fucking OC girls, slice of life, nonsense. Where's the action and adventure? Its just this asshole snuggling with his fake girlfriends all the time now. Either that or him going into really long inner monologues on boring shit.
You really need to give it a rest with the fucking OC girls, slice of life, nonsense. Where's the action and adventure? Its just this asshole snuggling with his fake girlfriends all the time now. Either that or him going into really long inner monologues on boring shit.
8/5/2022 c9 Oddballzebra
Why not just become the guild master of Nazarick? He’s already in basically charge and being responsible for the NPC’s even if he doesn’t have the actual title. At this point he’s Guild Master in all but name.
Why not just become the guild master of Nazarick? He’s already in basically charge and being responsible for the NPC’s even if he doesn’t have the actual title. At this point he’s Guild Master in all but name.
8/4/2022 c9 SalemTheSpeakerOfTruth
Kind of not a fan of him planning to only step in temporarily, work for three hundred years, and then just hand the key over to Momonga. Nazarick is an irreplaceably OP resource that's likely more valuable than the entirety of the rest of the world, and he's going to to give it over to a dumbass.
Kind of not a fan of him planning to only step in temporarily, work for three hundred years, and then just hand the key over to Momonga. Nazarick is an irreplaceably OP resource that's likely more valuable than the entirety of the rest of the world, and he's going to to give it over to a dumbass.
8/4/2022 c8 SalemTheSpeakerOfTruth
I'm glad that it's not going to just be the MC being along for the ride with Momonga, and also glad that it won't just devolve into just a porno. (:
I'm glad that it's not going to just be the MC being along for the ride with Momonga, and also glad that it won't just devolve into just a porno. (: