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for Star Trek Hunter - Episodes 1 & 2

8/22 c15 9Kehlan
Now this is good. I like it much better than the original version, which was also good.. but this flows better and seems easier to read.
Mlady is a very interesting character and I find myself wanting to know more about her. The same is true of several characters but this one in particular grabs my attention.
Just one nitpick... is it intentional that in the first couple of chapters you write Buttans and later it becomes Buttons?
7/1 c1 1Solasnagreine
I've read this first chapter and am looking forward to reading the rest. I love how your original characters have written books, I look forward to more quotes :)
5/29 c2 5owenlars1
Great attention to detail! I feel like I knew the mind of the Captain in the first couple of paragraphs! Written in a way so that visualizing the events taking place are easy to picture in your head - as if they are playing out as a real tv episode!
A masterclass in writing!
4/12 c4 9Kehlan
Interesting story - I like the idea of a JAG ship and the plot is intriguing so far. I do find your "stylistic choice" a little odd, (not using capitals for species names) but I see why you did it... (It's an issue I got round by using Terran - meaning a person from Earth, instead of human for the species.)

But anyway, looking forward to seeing where you take this story.
9/5/2019 c11 131rylansato
I think my only issue is that these are multiple stories under the name of one story. It was a bit confusing at first. I'd recommend separating them into their own stories and that gives you more room and you can focus on the main plot of each story rather than it looking like there are many plots in one story. This goes for multi-parters. I break up my multi-parters so that it's easier for the reader. Unless your purpose is to make it like this.

And descriptions were something else I noticed. I have trouble with them myself as I always want to list them off so the reader sees what I do but that doesn't work too well. I toss in details here and there that goes with what's going on instead of listing every attribute. You can say the guy towered over his fellow officers and hated riding in turbolifts because he had to squat and sidestep to get off due to his large stature. Something like that.

This goes for weapons too. You can use words that describe the weapon itself instead of referring to another weapon. You can say he grunted as he lifted the behemoth of a weapon from the ground by its two handles and braced himself for the kickback from the barrage of energy it was about to unleash. Or something to that effect. That gives the reader the idea this weapon is large, heavy and unleashes hell upon its target and the target's surrounding area.

The stories were interesting and I had no problem with what was going on. The dialogue seemed natural. I'm curious to see what's next.

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