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for A Devil in the Dark

7/11/2020 c8 1aaronmag
With time running out, and her charms having failed twice – that was unheard!

unheard of?

"It would seem that Iliss' faith in her goddess was not misplaced", she said to Big-boy, recalling the Beshaban's imprecations against her. "I am quite blind."

What! You are ending on a cliffhanger! Arggghhhh!

Ah well, I enjoyed the Daelynn series so far. I hope there will be more to come...especially since this ended with a cliffhanger.

I really liked the tidbits you threw in on her history. I was looking forward to looking more of her aversion to Dancer and what has caused the strained mother-daughter relationship in the last 100 years.
7/11/2020 c7 aaronmag
Retracing her steps, Daelynn exited the temples lower levels by the same stairwell she had use[d] to enter them.

Slight typo.

Interesting bit about the cousins.

"But I do understand how difficult acknowledging your true parentage cwould be.


And, he continues to satisfy me in our bed."

7/11/2020 c6 aaronmag
She had to slow the beast so that Kelln and her priests had time to get to them [there] and kill it.

Slight typo

The last part...What? I see! She is like Kuhl’s father. A half-drow that takes after his moon elf side. I did not see any of this coming.
7/11/2020 c5 aaronmag
Long in limb, clothed in black brigadine and breastplate, the drow stood over six foot in height. Its [Her]long, white hair was held in place by a silver band. A silver-hued cape hung from slender shoulders. There was no breeze in the Crypt, but the cape fluttered behind her. Bright eyes of a deep amber stared, unblinking, at the Preceptress.

One suggested edit.

As a last resort she had one deadly spell left that could level this cavern, destroying herself, the drow and the Trysech. She would make certain that the relic would never leave this room. But first, she had to trust to Lady Luck.

Whoa! High stakes!

"I… liberated the ornament from one of the spiders", stated the drow. "Forces in the Underdark, your Beshaba and her allies in the Dark Seldarine, want to use it. That cannot be allowed. It is obvious you cannot protect it. I should take it."

What! Plot twist. I did see where you referenced Eilistraee and assumed the drow wasn’t all bad, but still figured she was villain enough for this story. I did not see this coming. Nice.
7/10/2020 c4 aaronmag
This all worked. So Ailine wasn’t in trouble. Good to see her possess so much power.

Moving on to the next chapter.
7/10/2020 c3 aaronmag
Daelynn pulled her cloak tight about her, invoked Sacred Stealth, and in the dim light of flickering torches, silently passed by Kelln's guard, un-noticed.

Oooh...new powers!

Tymoran symbols on them, mostly the flour-leafed clover.


The narrow hallway she was in was now a trap!

Good cliffhanger.

Will continue soon.
7/10/2020 c2 aaronmag
They had returned several minutes later, looking stricken and pale. They reported that Brother Gregory's body was gone, and that there was no sign of Mistress Alline.

Hmmm...something suspicious going on here.

Things are developing quickly!
7/9/2020 c1 aaronmag
Nice opening hook.

So Gregory is with his goddess. I believe you mention sister Iliss for a reason. I will be interested in seeing how she fits into the overall story (if she does...I have a feeling she does).
11/11/2019 c8 32penny4him
Oh no! Don't leave it as a cliffhanger! Poor Daelynn. Everything seemed neatly wrapped up, until this ending. Nicely done-I want to read the next installment. I enjoyed this.
11/11/2019 c7 penny4him
Nice to finally know more of the backstory on Daelynn. This chapter had some amusing lines. Daelynn isn't exactly on the best terms with her ilhar.
11/11/2019 c6 penny4him
Ooh, cool reveal at the end of the chapter! The battle with the spider horror was great and easily pictured. And a bit of Tymora's Luck came into play with the chiming of the hour. Great chapter.
11/11/2019 c5 penny4him
"Someone, or something, had slain over twenty-and-four large spiders using both steel and magic, and had done so in the pitch dark." Nice line. Definitely foreshadows drow! Interesting that the drow warrior you introduce serves Eilistraee, not Lolth. Alline's enchantments are cool and well described. And Daelynn speaks the drow language? I wonder when she learned it.
11/11/2019 c4 penny4him
Ooh, Mistress Aline is pretty cool and powerful despite her age. Tymora's holy word really packs a punch! Creepy bit with brother Gregory at the end. Good thing Mistress Aline was still there. I wonder what kind of ring she gave Daelynn...
11/7/2019 c8 9Belmakori
Wow...nice cliffhanger! :)

10/16/2019 c7 Belmakori

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